Emperor Palpatine: [on the phone with Darth Vader] Vader! How's my favourite Sith?... Whoa whoa whoa... whoa, whoa. Just - slow down. Huh? What do you mean they blew up the Death Star? Fuck! Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!... Who's THEY?... What the hell is an Aluminum Falcon?
[sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: OK, OK, so who's left?... Are you shitting me?... Well, where are you?... Wait a sec, you've been flying around for two weeks trying to get a signal?... Oh, you must smell like... feet wrapped in leathery, burnt bacon... Oh, oh, oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought my Dark Lord of the Sith could protect a small thermal exhaust port that's only two meters wide! That thing wasn't even fully paid off yet!... Do you - do you have ANY idea what this is going to do to my credit?
[phone beeps, he sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: Hang on, I've got another call.
[switches line]
Emperor Palpatine: WHAT? I'm very busy right now!... Oh! Oh, well - well, where are they going?... Oh, alright Uh. Um, get me a turkey club... Um, coleslaw I guess. I'm not even going to eat it... Well, what are you getting?... See, I always order the wrong thing. No, no, I'll just stick with that. OK, bye - What?... Oh, uh, cherry coke. Thanks.
[switches line]
Emperor Palpatine: Sorry about that.
[sighs]
Emperor Palpatine: What?... Oh, oh, JUST rebuild it?... Oh, real fucking original. And who's going to give me a loan, jackhole, you?... You got an ATM on that torso Light Brite? Now get your seven-foot-two asthmatic ass back here, or I'm going to tell everyone what a whiny bitch you were about Padama-may or Panda-Bear what whatever the hell her name is!...
[covers receiver]
Emperor Palpatine: Oh, Jeez, he's crying!
[giggles, then into phone]
Emperor Palpatine: Hey, hey, hey, hey. C'mon. C'mon, don't do that. Just - just. Look, you know, I'm just dealing with a lot of crap right now. Death Star blown up by a bunch of fucking teenagers, you know? I didn't mean to snap.
[does jacking off motion to guys in room]
Emperor Palpatine: Oh, uh, just get back here. OK. OK. Bye. I... um... I...
[whispers into phone]
Emperor Palpatine: I love you, too.
