Hatchet

The tag-line "Old School American Horror" is a little misleading. While it's true that "Hatchet" recalls the mad gore of the 1980s, the "horror" factor is actually absent. Watching the film feels more like viewing a condensed reel of slasher kills with a few drunk and fun-loving friends - certainly not a bad thing, but not exactly a horror movie either. That being said, it's obvious that the people involved in the production have a real love for the genre. Kane Hodder's monster antics are always a delight, and Adam Green will definitely be a name to watch in the future.

In summary, I'd certainly recommend the film for anyone who gets a kick out of the slasher craze of the 80s, but be sure you're in the mood for goofy fun and not an actual horror flick.

Writing a review for Hatchet is almost pointless. Devotees of the horror genre will see this no matter what is written. In fact, a certain rhetorically named fan-boy website that prides itself on cool news has already lauded the movie's villain as the next horror icon. While I wouldn't be too sure about that, Hatchet does make one thing clear at least, and that's that writer/director Adam Green has undeniable talent.

Structured largely as a parody of the Friday the 13th films, Hatchet casts legendary Jason Voorhees stand-in Kane Hodder as Victor Crowley, the deformed son of a backwoods Louisiana bayou fisherman (also played by Hodder), who was presumed killed years earlier in a house fire started by a bunch of tormenting local kids.

Green follows the stock formula for such movies: take a bunch of folks, find an excuse to strand them in monster country, and let the audience revel in watching them get picked off one-by-one.

Where Green excels, however, is in his smartly written, comically-paced script that is chalk full of genuinely funny inside jokes that are blatant winks at the audience and along the way establish more of a bond with Sean of the Dead than Halloween.

In terms of horror movies, there's nothing going on here that is particularly inventive or even scary, but Green clearly isn't out to achieve that. Rather, he's paying homage to a genre that he grew up with, as is clear by the cameos he's given to icons Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street) and Tony Todd (Candyman and numerous others).

Bolstered by good acting, top notch production values, and intentionally rubbery costume effects, Hatchet panders to the fan-boy crowd in glorious revelry. Clearly Green knows his audience likes to sit back, kick the Fangoria magazines off the couch, and watch somebody take a belt sander in their kisser.

While I think labeling Victor Crowley as the next horror icon in the same vein as Jason, Michael Myers, and Freddy is complete preposterousness, saying Adam Green is someone to keep an eye on is a more realistic, and complimentary laurel.

I went to see this film in part due to praise heaped on it by previous reviewers who had described it as clever and a fresh addition to the genre.

And it was .. for at least the first ~45 minutes or so.

I was immediately drawn in, the dialogue was notably above par for the genre, full of witty quips and more subtle bits of humor that reference horror classics. In the opening scenes we see notable cameos from Robert Englund ("Nightmare On Elm Street" series) and Tony Todd (of "Candyman" series fame). A respectable flashback sequence is included to introduce the "Hatchet" back story.

And so the movie takes off running, seemingly quite well. Fresh and unique, forging a new path through the wastleland of redundant slasher flicks as "Sean of the Dead" and "Scream" had done in previous years.

Unfortunately about half way through, this movie does a complete about-face. The witty banter is replaced with idiotic dribble more reminiscent of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" than the first half of the film. It's almost as if they fired an adept writer halfway through the script and replaced him with the proverbial thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters.

At this point the dam breaks, and the tired clichés pour through in droves. We are treated to a prolonged scene of foliage inspection and other such nonsense to fill the reel between death scenes. The characters repeatedly wait to flee screaming in panic until *after* they have disabled or incapacitated the title baddie. The only dread anticipation built in the second half is whether this film will be the schoolbus that was hit by the train, or the one that managed to avoid it.

Once the gore fest begins, it is eerily reminiscent of early "Troma" titles, over the top and fatuous. The "Hatchet" character even seems like it might have been modeled from the "Toxic Avenger". I can appreciate the merits of a lawn sprinkler arterial spray or projectile vomiting, on occasion, but modern film gore effects really have no excuse to still be of that "BrainDead" visual quality.

Despite the dual personalities of this film, I think it still manages to hack out a few good parts.

• 5/10 -

Anyone whose a regular on sites like Ain't It Cool News has no doubt caught the massive hype campaign for Adam Green's Hatchet. Well, to get straight to the point, don't buy into it. Certain people would have you believe that this is the second coming of the horror genre (just like Hostel part II right?). What movie did they see? I saw a very by the book slasher flick with no surprises or real twists on the genre.

The plot concerns a tour group in the NOLA swamps that begin to be picked off one by one by the deformed Victor Crowley (wow what an original name). Crowley looks like the Elephant Man on steroids and of course, possesses super human strength. For a character whose been called the next horror icon, I just can't help but be underwhelmed. The big reveal of the grown up Crowley is so ineptly handled I actually said "that's it?" to myself. He sorta of just strolls onto screen. Movies like The Descent and Feast handled these kinds of reveals so much more memorably.

I'll give credit were credit is due though. The kills in this movie are delightfully over the top and gory. They're definitely the highlight of the movie. But, it's at odds with the acting, which for once is actually pretty good. The actors in this movie for the most part play it straight and do a convincing job. I really liked Joel Moore, who I'm eager to see more of. But it's too real. I know that's an odd complaint but bear with me here. The actors are so convincing in places and seem to behave like real people probably would in this situation, but then Crowley rips someone's arms off or appears, literally, from out of nowhere. This disparity hurts the film in the long run. Either it really should have gone for all out splatstick zaniness, or it should have toned down on the sillier moments and played it more for real scares.

The score isn't doing anyone any favors either. It's the all too typical, crappy sounding MIDI highlighting and underlining every cheap scare with a big sting. I am so sick to death of this type of horror score. If you don't have a budget, forget the MIDI and go for creepy minimalism.

I wish Adam Green the best in his career because there is potential here, but he's still green. Maybe next time Adam.

Ben (Joel David Moore) is recovering from a separation after eight years. To take his mind off of it, he decides to go on a night ghost-tour of New Orleans swamp with his friend Marcus (Deon Richmond). Tagging along for the ride are: the mysterious Marybeth (Tamara Feldman), lesbians Misty (Mercedes McNab) and Jenna (Joleigh Fioreavanti), sleaze-bag Shapiro (Joel Murray) and an old couple (Richard Riehle and Patrika Darbo). Not to forget their shifty tour guide, Shawn (Parry Chen). Once they set off in the boat (after a crazy old man warns them of the danger awaiting them), they soon enough crash and are stranded in the middle of the swamp. Moreover, they are being stalked and brutally dispatched by Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder, of Jason Voorhees fame), a huge and disfigured man out for revenge.

By now, I am sure you have realised the amount of clichéd stereotypes are present in Adam Green's Hatchet. This is a throwback to the late 70's and 80's slashers that are now very famous (films like Friday the 13th, Halloween, The Burning, Sleepaway Camp and The Prowler). Hype surrounded this film for quite some time before it was released, Hatchet was being heralded as the one of the best horror movies of this decade and a genre defining work. Unfortunately, these claims are quite inaccurate. Although Hatchet is an entertaining movie, it adds nothing to the slasher sub-genre and it is not all original.

Nonetheless, amongst all the dire remakes, shoddy Saw movies and bland sequels, Green has created a damn good horror/comedy with bucket loads of extreme gore. Every single actor does an amazing job, yes, I am being dead serious. Joe Moore, Mercedes McNab and Deon Richmond are excellent at delivering comedic lines totally with total believability. That is not to say the rest were bad, they all played their parts naturally. Horror aficionados will appreciate a few cameos from genre favourites, Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street) and Tony Todd (Candyman) all make brief, but entertaining, appearances. Also, John Carl Buechler (director of the underrated Friday the 13th Part VII) and Joshua Leonard (The Blair Witch Project) assist in aiding the campy atmosphere.

On Buechler, his special effects are insane! Seriously, this is one of the bloodiest, goriest and most visceral horror film I have seen released in a LONG time! The sheer amount of brutality shown on-screen is enough to make hardened gorehounds drool in delight. Every death is long, drawn out and features a whole of lot of blood spray! Decapitations, detached limbs, electric sanders, impalements and hatchets are a few of the many ways in which the unlucky group meet their demise. Kudos must also go to the makeup on Victor Crowley, he is definitely a horror villain to look out for. Kane Hodder plays Crowley with his usual ferocity and relish.

Alongside the gore, Green knows how to keep a movie going at a steady pace. Hatchet never gets boring, it is constantly moving and because of this, is made much more exciting. The story plays out nicely, nothing new; however, Crowley's past is summed up quickly (and smart enough) and no part is ever dragged out. The only time when the script slips up is in the very final scene, which is a total letdown and really ruins what the movie had going for it.

Hatchet is really a love it or hate it movie. Personally, I think it is very good and a nostalgic reminder of the good old days of the slasher. With gratuitous violence, nudity and plenty of camp, Green has asserted himself as someone to look out for with Hatchet.

7/10