Sideline Secrets

THIS FILM IS LAME, LAME, LAME!!!!! It takes a lot to bring me to over-exaggeration about a movie, but this movie stunk up my house!! I haven't even finished the movie yet and I had to stop to comment on how bad this movie is. I'VE NEVER DONE THAT!! As a consumer, do not spend your money on this film. Wait until it comes out on a cable channel or something. It's barely TV worthy. I REALLY HATE TRASHING A MOVIE, BUT THIS MOVIE IS TRASH! Barely above porn. Should have and X rating! Good plot, some frontal nudity (if that floats your boat), but HORRIBLE high school level acting. Don't know how this movie received distribution. (Must have been a contractual thing.) Really, if you really like watching good movies, don't waste you time with this one. From one movie lover to another. YOU WILL BE MAD AT YOURSELF! Let me say this as well, if you've been through something like this perhaps you can relate and it will have some value for you. In that case I say watch it, you may take something away from it, if not just seeing something that's happened to you being acted out by someone else (has therapeutic value).

The only redeeming quality of this film is the actual storyline...Otherwise, this movie was terrible. The acting was ridiculously bad, and the set design was cheesy and very tacky. The story was decent, but it was very hard to watch due to all the horrid acting. I wouldn't recommend watching this one...The only redeeming quality of this film was that the actors were somewhat attractive...Especially Ryan Bauer, the man who plays the soap opera star. Some of the editing was well done, but there are continuity errors all over the place...I'm just starting to get sick and tired of watching gay movies that are bad...Can we get a good one soon?

I'm a film festival junkie. I've seen over 1500 gay films in my life and I keep a bottom 10 list. This film made that list. I've seen worse films so this film doesn't really merit one other reviewers comment... "As bad as a movie can be."

However it IS well and truly bad. The problems starts with a disjointed plot that attempts to be a mystery but ends up being a missed try. Then there's amateurish dialogue, as stilted and heavy handed as any I've heard; and often it's as teeth-jarringly delivered as in the most graphic porn film.

Other reviewers have commented... "This film is just plain bad." and... "THIS FILM IS LAME, LAME, LAME!!!!!" and even ... "Everything about this movie is terrible, the script, the story, the casting, the acting, the direction, the photography, the editing, the music... what else goes into a movie? Whatever it is, here it's as bad as it gets."

That's not entirely fair, but unfortunately it's closer to the truth than the several laudatory reviews that are posted here. You'll notice that there are about 14 people who have ranked many of the reviews of this film. I'm tempted to ask "If a dozen people or so were friends of, or paid by, the film makers how would these reviews be scored?" I'm guessing that something along those lines would explain the wide variation in opinion about this film.

James Townsend who plays the lead also wrote the script. That's generally a bad combo though it stops short of the total lack of perspective one sometimes sees when the writer/star also directs. Talk about your real triple-threat!

I don't enjoy writing negative reviews, but I do think folks should be warned. I've given this film three stars. I have scored other films lower, but only when they were offensive or so disjointed and difficult to sit through that I wanted to punish the folks responsible for the crime. Here it's just a matter of a poorly executed attempt at making a movie.

It's probably unfair to rant about this film in general... Here are just a few specifics. There is an early masturbation scene which includes fantasy shots that stops just short of porno. Shortly thereafter there's a heterosexual kiss in the park that includes another gay fantasy. The boys are hot enough and the scene is pretty tolerable though it is over-thought. The scene is disrupted by cuts from full-color to artistic black & white & back. The acting by the mother was so bad at one time I swore she was cold reading from cards off camera... and that she was a poor reader. The father was even worse.

Generally I'm a pretty easy grader and a sucker for over earnest plots by novice film makers. Often gay-themed indie films have "diamond in the rough" moments that ring so true that they make sitting through the sometimes amateur film making, the frequent insufferable dialogue and the poor plotting worth it. This film may have a few rhinestones in the rough, but they're buried in a whole truckload of dross.

Oftentimes gay indie films have the problem that poor acting and poor dialogue make their characters more caricatures than character. Unfortunately here the characters here would need more detail to become caricatures.

Don't get me wrong. A few of the main characters turn in performances worthy of off off Broadway (maybe on an off night). However the parent roles and the police roles were even below that standard. I'm guessing that those making this film had no friends that fit those particular characters and had to settle for whoever they could con into doing the part. And let's face it the talent pool of those looking to play minor roles in gay themed direct to video indie films is pretty shallow.

Fortunately the boys playing the main roles were pretty. They should just try to exercise better judgment about what they let others put in their mouths, at least dialogue-wise.

Roger Ebert once described "Midnight Cowboy" as a good movie with a masterpiece inside, struggling to break free. Unfortunately this film is hollow inside.

I like the attempt to blend mystery and porn; the mixed genre has a lot of potential. But you HAVE to cast a desirable lead. That dude who played Devon is a chinless, slumped, monotonous waste of space with really awful hair. There were extras in the film who had more magnetism and appeal than the lead. Another thing: People don't call out one another's name every time they greet them--especially lovers and family. All the adults were pretty dismal as well. Hollywood is crawling with good-looking, semi-decent actors, so there's really no excuse for bad casting. A lesson for all actors: Just because "exasperated" is the easiest emotion to play, don't fall back on it in every line reading.

If you have ever seen a DeCoteau movie, you will understand my summary of this movie. The difference between DeCoteau and Stephen Vasquez is that DeCoteau has a campy charm about his work. Vasquez is a hack. This film is just plain bad The acting is stilted. The cinematography is amateurish. The dialog is forced. There are far too many gratuitous sex scenes which do nothing to contribute to the plot. And, speaking of the plot, the plot is so messy that one begins to wonder what this movie supposed to be about. Devon Tyler has the perfect life. He has successful parents, a beautiful and loving girlfriend and all the freedom a teenage boy could want. OK, so his life isn't that perfect. His father (or maybe it's his step- father. The relationship seems to go back and forth and you are never sure how this relationship works.) is having an affair with the mother of one of his clients. Devon's mother is an alcoholic and his girlfriend is a nag. In the middle of all of this, while spending time with his girlfriend, Devon is busy checking out other guys. While skipping class, one day, Devon meets a girl who gives him a flyer for a new gay club which is opening. On a lark, Devon decides to go to the grand opening of the club where he meets Clitarissa Pink. Clitarissa is a boy in very bad drag and still becomes the most entertaining character in the film. Devon also meets the new love of his life, Brian. Brian is a hustler who falls for our budding ingenue. The boys have a movie night and Devon stays the night. While having breakfast the next morning, they see Devon's father with another family. At home, Devon's father assumes that Devon is gay because he was having breakfast with another person and he searches Devon's room to find the flyer for the gay bar. The entire series of events is ridiculous and it only gets more ridiculous from here. While we have all of these events happening, there is a string of missing young men in the area and the police are not doing anything to find these people because they are all "hustlers and bums." The police even go so far as to hinder an investigation by the one person looking for the missing youths. In college, I have seen a lot of student films with more professional acting. The actors are apparently trying to act out their parts but I get the feeling that I am watching a scene from another performance with intentionally bad acting. The tragedy is that the actors seem to be taking their acting "skills" seriously. James Townsend (Devon) sets off the gaydar from the moment you see him and it makes me wonder how anyone could think he is straight. Even the fact that he has a navel piercing lends incredibility to his being straight. This is a terrible film and I do not suggest it to anyone. In fact, given a choice between this film and straight porn, I will take the porn.