The Helix... Loaded

God awful movie (if you can call it that) with terrible plot and terrible premise. Everything about it was bad - Horrible editing, music, acting, effects and plot line. I am surprised the filmmakers would even dare put out such a horrible film. I can't imagine anyone (besides the filmmakers and their friends) giving this a good review. Having been a huge fan of The Matrix films, I imagined at least one funny thing about this movie but I can't even think of one. Films such as Hot Shots and Scary Movie knew how to spoof films correctly. Don't bother to give any of these people any money's worth to this film. I could not resist the urge to warn viewers out there about a worse film. You'll kick yourself later.

The Helix Loaded: This movie had the potential to be a big comedy, and for all fair and balanced purposes started out as funny, but then sadly the humor, like the 'One', died off fast. It would seem from watching the movie that there were several hands in the script writing cookie jar, judging from the different directions the script was taking and manifesting. Moments in the movie that were intended to be funny came off awkward and dead in its own translation. The actors, at too many points, over exceeded their characters adding to the dismal portrayal of a first time movie effort for director A. Raven Cruz. In addition, add to this poor timing on the movie release (two years after the Matrix Trilogy had passed) you are left with a time capsule movie rather than a parody following immediately after the Matrix Trilogy. In closing, I found the movie to be painfully dragging in character / story development and confusing on story lines and delivery by the characters. For first time movie director Cruz to realize that this movie is better suited for the incinerator rather than the silver screen would be the right step towards becoming a director who 'can see outside the box' (as he puts it so well) to notice the apparent flaws throughout this project.

The Helix Loaded is a low budget spoof of The Matrix trilogy, Minority Report, The Incredible Hulk, Fight Club and many more. As a low budget feature shot on miniDV it is certainly rough around the edges, though that adds to the charm. What elevates this film above the drek of low-budget indies are some surprisingly good special effects (impressive bullet-time, wire-fu effects) as well as its irreverent sense of psychedelic humor. This one has the potential to be a cult classic.

Who could not be charmed by a guy in a bunny suit, an enlightenment drug in the shape of a gummy bear and VANILLA ICE kicking ass?!? :-) And Scotty Levy's 'The Other One' is a dead-on take on Keannu Reeves.

Funny stuff.

I give it a 10, tho it deserves 7. But I give 10/10 to balance the low score which movie did not deserved. It is a nice parody on the Matrix. A lot of really funny jokes there. There were few jokes which I laugh to tears and replayed them many times. I am very thankful that there some people did this funny movie.

Director A. Raven Cruz has managed to effectively make one long tribute to the creative talents of Phil Tucker (Robot Monster), Hal Warren (Manos, the Hand of Fate), and the ubiquitous Edward D. Wood.

Now Phil Tucker at least worked with Lenny Bruce, and did have a rudimentary knowledge of editing (how else could he have cut all that stock footage into his films). And Hall Warren at least had the common decency to stop making films, after his first one. And Ed Wood, well bless his pointed angora draped head, he was just too wacky to ignore. But one thing these guys all had in common, they tried to tell a story.

The Helix: Loaded is a vanity piece masquerading as a movie. Anyone that could look at this film and believe it deserves a "10" has been sitting in a closed garage with the engine running. "The Helix: Loaded" doesn't simply suck. It Swallows!