Santa's Slay

One of the greatest Christmas movies EVER! Up there with Scrooged and Die Hard. I rented this film with my buddies on a lark. We were expecting to laugh at how bad it was but we were amazed to find that we were actually laughing at all the right parts. Actually we were laughing the entire way through. We kept having to ask each other what that last line of dialog was because we missed it. Great gags, some fantastic cameos, and a Jewish wrestler playing Santa Claus.

I'd only hold two things against it, those being: (1) the lead actor (Douglas Smith) - he was a little weak and (2)the CG could've benefited from some more expense. Otherwise this is a brilliant film. Santa's Slay is the first film to honor the truly great sport of curling. A flying bison, Goldberg, strippers, and Caulk jokes. Plus swearing children and swearing old ladies. A new holiday tradition.

I was confused when I saw this movie. Santa (Bill Goldberg) is the son-of-Satan and is out to scare children after a thousand years of imprisonment. he is killing for no other reason then to kill. Standing in his way is the man who imprisoned him to serve the children, Grandpa (Robert Culp) and his grandson Nicholas (Douglas Smith).

For some odd reason, Santa finds the oddest way of killing people: lighting people on fire with coal, choking them with a wreath, or just running them over with his reindeer. For two hours or so we watch two stupid teenagers run around and hide, finally leading to a rocket launcher blowing up a reindeer.

In the end I was just like WTF. I was confused, lost, and a little humored by the movie. The fight scenes with Goldberg are pretty cool and sometimes he does act well. In the end, the film doesn't make any sense, it's stupid, but it's pretty funny when you don't care what you're watching. Seeing Goldberg actually try to act is hilarious but some of his lines did make me laugh and in the end did give a convincing performance. The best was the giant reindeer. that pulled his sled.

If you watch it, don't expect a masterpiece, actually don't expect much at all. Just watch it for the action, not the story.

Santa's Slay. Starring: Robert Culp, bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, and Emilie de Ravin.

2 1/2 out of 5 Stars.

It must be hard being a popular wrestler. People pay money to see you, to cheer for you, to buy your merchandise, and generally to make you feel like more then the average man. It makes you think that if they were willing to do all that, they'd be willing to follow you if you attempt other projects as well.

And they do. But mainly to make fun of it.

Then again, it seems like wrestlers are united in their substandard film choices. Hulk Hogan's, whose wrestling stardom was heavily influenced by his guest appearance in Rocky III, movie career reads like a "What Not To Do When Picking A Script". Steve Austin, Triple H, and Adam Copeland (Edge) won't exactly be remembered for their marks in Hollywood either (Only the future will tell if The Rock breaks the mold or follows in their footsteps). And then along comes a film like this, starring former WCW dynamo Bill Goldberg.

Surprisingly, it's not all bad.

True, one shouldn't go into the film expecting a fully sensible plot, or a masterwork of acting, or extremely convincing special effects (look out for the prone motionless 'hell-deer!'). However, the film does contain a few likable characters, some decent puns in the Christmas vein (along with some excruciating ones), and half the time, Goldberg actually manages to make the concept of Santa really being an evil entity comes off as credible. And of course, any film that presents the credit sequence as a naughty and nice list can't be all bad.

In the end, it's not Santa With Muscles.

And that's really saying something.

Santa's Slay is a horror/holiday movie. I do not think I have heard of a horror movie starring Santa Claus and, while it is not necessarily a bad idea, there is a reason it is straight-to-video. With that in mind, this was better than I would have thought.

It seems as if Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) is actually a demon who lost a bet to an angel. Because of the bet, Santa now had to be nice and deliver gifts to the children of the world for 1000 years. It turns out that last year was year one thousand and now Santa is pretty upset and taking it out on innocent families.

Nicholas (Douglas Smith) is a teenager who has taken after his grandfather and is not particularly fond of the Christmas holidays. Soon, it is revealed to Nicholas how Santa came about by his grandfather. Since Santa has, for some reason, targeted Nicholas, he and his girlfriend, Mary (Emilie de Ravin), take it upon themselves to destroy the Christmas demon.

Goldberg was a unique choice to play Santa Claus. He is not exactly what I would expect in a Santa Claus but it turns out to be a great decision. Turns out Santa is buff and resembles a biker. Also, his "reindeer" is played by a buffalo and looks pretty bad ass. It matches Goldberg perfectly.

Some of the special effects were pretty cool and just as many were pretty hokey. I wish directors would not even consider the blue/green screen as an option if you plan on making a decent movie.

Basically, you already know if this is the type of movie for you. If you liked movies such as Uncle Sam, Frost or any other B-Movie that is similarly cheesy, then you will most likely enjoy Santa's Slay, too. If you are the type of person that finds faults in any movie and are hard to please, then skip it. It won't be worth your time. 6.5/10

It's not that kind of slayer movie with a psycho dressed in a Santa costume, but a fantasy horror comedy with the "real" Santa Claus who is actually a demon that lost a bet with an Angel in ancient times.

Because he lost the bet, he must be a good guy and give presents to kids for Christmas, but after 1000 years he has the right to get back to his evil habits and now he suddenly becomes a slayer Santa.

The movie is really interesting and entertaining. Even if there are a lot of sadistic killings, they are not scary and would never be dangerous to kids. So let them watch this movie without restrictions.

I give it a 10 out of 10 for the very well done black humor.