Savage Water

Paul Kener's nerve-wracking cinematic masterpiece "Savage Water" is a triumph of professional film-making. Through a carefully selected shot structure, well-developed characters of unlucky tourists and a script filled with jaw-dropping visuals Paul Kener develops a framework of how films of this particular genre should be constructed. Kener's careful direction along with his eerie musical score makes "Savage Water" one of the most important features of the horror genre, if not American film-making. Unfortunately being a sleaze-hound I'd love to see gore and graphic nudity, but even without erotic & bloody elements "Savage Water" manages to scare. I was shaken after watching this shocking tale of survival. Coming from a land of Gojira, Issei Sagawa, Genki-Genki productions, pinku eiga movies and suicide pacts I can say that none other film affected me as deeply as "Savage Water". It surely needs a proper DVD release with tons of extras. Where are you, Paul Kener?

Of all of cinema's B-movie genres, there's certainly no doubt that the slasher cycle has the largest percentage of virtually impossible to locate titles. Movies like Houseboat Horror, Sledgehammer, 555, Streets of Death, New York Calendar Girl Massacre and Savage Vows have become so impossibly obscure that tracking them down has become a serious hobby to fans of the category like myself. It's amongst those rarities that you'll find Paul Kener's Savage Water; a movie so far down the pecking order that it failed to even get released in its country of origin. I came across it in a small video exchange shop whilst on a day trip to Devon with the missus. When I asked the storekeeper if it was worth watching, he told me that I was one of the only people that had ever paid any attention to it. In fact, he went as far as to say that it had been left on the shelf since the shop first opened in the late eighties! They say that when a movie completely disappears, it's never without a damn good reason. But to be fair, titles like Terror Night, Satan's Altar, Too Beautiful to Die and Bruno Mattei's terrific Eyes without a Face have certainly raised a strong enough case for the defence to that age old fallacy.

A group of holidaymakers have booked themselves a dream trip with the Wild West White Water River Boat Company. Their journey will take them along the great Colorado so they can experience first hand the beauty of the Grand Canyon and the ferocity of the water crashing over the rapids. Once they are well away from civilisation, things take a turn for the worse as it's realised that someone on board has their own reason for wanting to be stranded in the Canyon without interference from the authorities. Before long, the group begin getting bumped off one by one by an unseen maniac with a hunting knife and a murderous agenda. It seems that the killer wants to turn the mighty Colorado into a river of blood…

If Terror Night acts as the defence for slasher obscurities that don't deserve to disappear, then Savage Water is as guilty as a suicidal convict begging to be frazzled in the electric chair. A truly wretched hive of scum and villainy, this one is as soggy as the Life jackets worn by the boaters of the feature. I should've known that I was in for a stinker as soon as I heard the Country twanged theme tune over the opening credits, which was so awful that it almost took my mind off the horrendously shaky work of the cameraman as he panned the cliffs of the canyon. When I was finally introduced to the cast of nincompoop boaters, I realised that I was heading for a shocking 105 minutes of unforgivable bile.

The pick of the gang of brain-dead river rats include an elderly pair of (ahem) 'Germans', whose accents travel across the Atlantic more times in 105 minutes than Easy Jet does in a year. Then you have a dodgy psychiatrist who fancies 'pushing his mind into the boundaries of insanity' and looks like he still digs the era of The Monkees. I can't forget to mention the bubbly blonde who looks so much like Deborah Harry circa 'Heart of Glass' that I kept expecting her to drop the oar and kick off a musical rendition. Although it was unfortunate that such a moment never came, she was at least responsible for by far the best of the films laugh out loud bad movie blunders. Whilst sharing a drink with an Arabic businessman that was along for the ride, the saucy starlet gave him an unexpected kiss. All of a sudden he jumped up like a bare footed basketball player on a vat of hot ashes and gaffed, "You kissed me, you kissed me, they told me it would happen but not so soon!" "My cousin told me that American woman would do it – will you marry me?" To add to the hilarity of his bemusing reaction was the fact that this guy was about thirty-eight years old!

There's really no reason for anyone to want to see Savage Water. It's overlong, boring and filled with heinous acting and pathetic dialogue. The Screenwriter seemed to believe that film fans would be interested in watching a ten-minute example of how to put on a life jacket, or a dozen or so lectures on the dangers of eating wild plant life. You'd probably get about as much enjoyment out of watching a plank of wood float down your local river as you would viewing this mind numbingly tedious excuse for a movie. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the lump of timber would probably give a much more convincing performance. There's no gore, nudity or even anything remotely interesting. It just makes you wonder how director Paul W. Kener actually felt about his creation when he watched it back after the shoot? Let's just be thankful that he gave up on the idea of a career in the movies. Avoid this one folks

A group of unlucky tourists is stalked and systematically murdered by an unseen killer on a white water rafting holiday in the Grand Canyon,Colorado."Savage Water" is perhaps one of the most obscure horror flicks I have ever seen.It's also mind-numbingly bad and boring.There is nothing even remotely interesting or exciting in this poor "Deliverance" knock-off.No gore,no suspense,no nudity-just gigantic boredom drowned in the ocean of pathetic dialogue and utterly terrible acting.It's no surprise for me that "Savage Water" wasn't even released in US on VHS or DVD.This piece of fecal matter belongs in the trash can.Avoid it like the plague.