Cauldron: Baptism of Blood

Cauldron: Baptism of Blood (2004)

BOMB (out of 4)

Here's another Ted V. Mikels films. I really enjoy listening to interviews with Mikels as he seems like a fun and great guy but sadly his movies are another thing. His career has been a rather amazing one and the fact that he has been able to continue making movies through all these decades is reason enough for him to be an exploitation level.

With that said, his film and especially his later days ones are pretty awful with very few of them being worth watching. This one here is certainly among the worst I've seen from the director. The story line basically seals with a coven of witches who worship a rather bizarre demon creature. Throughout a series of vignettes we see various people whose lives are destroyed because of their connection to this group.

There's about twenty-minutes worth of story here but what kills this movie and so many other Mikels films is the fact that it clocks in at 100-minutes. Why the director feels the need to drag these movies out for so long is something that I've never understood but who wants to watch an exploitation movie that drags on for no reason? Every single scene in this movie just drags on for no purpose. The scenes certainly aren't expanding on a plot. There's no exploitation being added. More times than not it's just really bland and boring dialogue that drags for no purpose.

If there was graphic violence or a ton of nudity being thrown around then I might understand the long running time but we get none of that. You've basically got a PG-rated horror film and it's quite awful. I'm sure Mikels casts his friends and other people he knows and I'm sure he makes these movies for fun. Sadly, they're not very fun to watch for the viewer and CAULDRON: BAPTISM OF BLOOD is one of the worst.

The Cauldron: Baptism of Blood is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen, and easily one of the greatest ones ever made. The movie, in a nutshell, is about young girls trading their souls to Satan for fame and fortune, and we all know what happens when we do that....we get punished for it! This film has it all folks. Sorcery, Witchcraft, Satanic Rituals, Black Magic, Paranormal and Psychic Phenomenon, and to top it off...beheadings! The Cauldron is written, directed, produced, photographed and edited(!!) by the great Ted V. Mikels who just keeps pushing out one great film after the other. I would also like to note that there is a demon by the name of "Vessago" in the film who is beyond creepy and very scary. Something that's hard to find in today's horror films, let alone independent ones. Also, the ritual music that appears in this movie is very accurate to those of satanic rituals and things of that nature. And it's also very catchy too.Another thing is the computer effects. The computer effects in this film is top notch! I've seen multi-million dollar movies that can't pull off CGI that The Cauldron has! Very well directed and scripted The Cauldron will have you at the edge of your seat just waiting to see what happens next! Stay for the ending, whatever you do, it's very very awesome. The dancers in the film aren't too bad to look at either...yet, ANOTHER plus to the film. I would also like to recommend you watch MARK OF THE ASTRO-ZOMBIES along with this for a night of fun and excitement. ENJOY!

I cannot begin to extol the virtues of this film!! Why wasn't this released in more theaters?? I had to go to the back room of the local video store just to find it. I won't give away anything here: this film is something you must see to believe. But the supporting cast was the most compelling I've seen in film in recent years. This movie made me proud to be a feminist. I cannot wait for the next one. The acting, the set design, every little nuance just screamed with authenticity. I almost felt I was living this movie. No plans for the weekend? Just rent this baby and pop it in your VCR, curl up with your sweetie. I promise you won't be disappointed!

CAULDRON: BAPTISM OF BLOOD is another thudding, sub-sludge offering from the god of such "films", Director Ted V. Mikels. It "stars" several non-actors, not acting in any way like actual actors. Or, living beings for that matter.

There are what appear to be women, wearing the latest in occult fashions. Many tattoos, and basic black "witch" clothes are worn. This fits in nicely with all of the other pseudo-macabre malarkey on display. Bongo drums play, because bongo drums are quite scary.

While these women get their Watusi on, preparing the obligatory human sacrifice, a wobbly, rubber demon looks on as if to say, "What the hell am I doing here?". Soon, Satan himself arrives, sporting his new hillbilly beard.

Red corn syrup flows, as the witchy women boogie on down with themselves. The devil's bongos play on.

Nothing in the history of filmmaking comes close to the "Styrofoam head being lowered into a fish tank" scene! Nothing!

More blocks of wood attempt to resemble humans, as putrid singing, stand-up comedy, and ventriloquism (!!) break out. All followed by further quasi-mumbo jumbo.

An autopsy on the owner of the Styrofoam head is performed in someone's bathroom. Police are perplexed. Mikels himself does a cameo as some sort of "expert". He's far more lifelike than anyone else involved in this cluster-fudge.

WARNING: This "movie" is only for the true lover of cinematic misery! All others may suffer irreversible brain shrinkage! Some reports indicate that a single viewing could cause CCC (Catastrophic Cranial Collapse)!...

I guess when one is making a low budget movie one must make the tough choices of what to do with the limited money available. After watching this movie I am unable to determine where the director spent the money. The acting is poor, the script has little continuity, the special effects are far from special and the pace is pedestrian at best. The endless dance scenes with the coven of witches made me want to scream. Awful dancing by women that did not look all that interested in what they were doing. The scenes went on far too long and did not seem to add anything to the movie other than time. Maybe this movie would have been better had the director cut some of the filler and told more of the story. If you're a fan of this director then go for it. Otherwise find something better to watch for the 100 minutes.