The Librarians

Boy, this one was quite a chore to sit through. The first and second act move at a snail's pace with drawn-out dialogue / exposition scenes that really don't add up or go anywhere. The camera work is boring, being shot in the typical bland, "flat" look of 90's action films. Only this was made in 2003, so there's little excuse for that. And Burt Reynolds' bizarrely random cameo only added to the incoherence.

Daniel Bernhardt is always awesome, though he's not in the movie much. He does have a cage fight with Matthias Hues at one point, but it's done pretty poorly so there's nothing much to see.

However, the climax is fairly well done for this budget and genre and definitely helped save it from being a complete waste of time.

Thank Zeus for B movies, a realm where the 80's never died. A place where elite do-gooder mercenaries, secret underground death-matches, and cops who play by their own rules all live on. I don't think Strike Force had any cops who played by their own rules, but then it wasn't a cop movie. I'm sure if it was, it would, if you catch my drift. It's that sort of flick.

Anyway, despite being terrible, I couldn't stop watching this movie. William Forsythe (who also has a writing credit for this one) manages to convey more gravity than the movie deserves, and the forgettable plot chugs along at a reasonable pace with such blithe absurdity that you can't look away.

Some guy: "I don't even know your names."

William Forsythe, with utter and complete seriousness: "We're called the Librarians."

I can't explain it. You'll have to see it. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. This inspired a bit of an exchange between my dad and I as we watched.

"We're... the Caterers!" "We're the Beauticians!" "We're called the Veterinarians!"

Anyway, if you find this on cable or you're hard up for something to rent, go ahead and give this a shot. It's dumb, but it's more amusing than it should be.

William Forsythe and his team of mercenaries call themselves The Librarians because their hair remains perfect while they run around being shot at by people firing machine guns. I suppose. They have just lost one of their small number rescuing a small girl and are commiserating with the satchel of money they got, when old friend Michael Parks reaches out to them. His grand daughter has been kidnapped by Nazi drug dealer Andrew Divoff, and he's not a nice Nazi drug dealer. He's from Argentina! They have to go to Miami, talk to Burt Reynolds and engage in mixed martial arts fights, because that's how you do it, apparently.

Forsythe not only stars in this, he helped write it. Co-writer and director Mike Kirton also includes lots of shots of young people dancing in very crowded discos, because why not?

I wrangled up this movie just to see William Forsythe and Andrew Divoff, who both performed wonderfully. Divoff is truly one of the most riveting villains ever! Granted, the movie itself has a beyond laugh worthy script, and some of the acting is putrid, if you like a good B-Movie after smoking a joint, then this will not disappoint (you will enjoy it if you like the actors, as I did.) Burt Reynolds fans flee, he is only in one scene and is terrible (worst Irish accent ever next to Dennis Hopper in 'Ticker' and Tommy Lee Jones in 'Blown Away').

There is also a great little cameo from Michael Parks.

Use your good judgment on this, though, half the people who will give it a chance, will probably hate it.

I'm not going to bother mentioning any of the plot - this is strictly a B movie on its way to obscurity. The shock to me, though, is seeing what has become of some of the actors in this film. Erika Eleniak, never anything you'd call a thespian anyway, seems to have morphed into Anna Nicole Smith (in her Big period). Daniel Bernhardt - I almost shed a tear. He's always been a favorite of mine because of his martial arts prowess, as seen in the Bloodsport series (also B movies but, if you like martial arts, eminently watchable). Here, he is a shell of his former self - sure, he's older, but doing the mercenary thing and not even looking interested ... I just don't get it. Don't these people invest? William Forsythe is another "heavy" that I've always liked, but his last several roles are what you would call "mailing it in". I'm not going to even mention Mr. Reynolds - his gig here amounts to a throwaway, nothing more. The only winner is Andrew Divoff, as usual a creepy, evil, pockmarked villain with a sandpaper voice that can curdle milk - the best kind! This is a movie you watch for laughs. There's nothing else to it.