F.A.R.T. The Movie

I've you're picking up a flick called "F.A.R.T. The Movie" and are expecting anything other than cinema in its lowest form, then I don't know what to tell you. Personally, I like fart jokes and, if used sparingly and at the appropriate moment, a good fart gag can add the right amount of lowbrow humor to just about any kind of movie. Farts are innately funny. That said, there isn't a single laugh in this mess and I'm only giving this one two stars because they actually took the trouble to make a movie entirely dedicated to farting and, thus, filling some sort of void in the universe. Really corny stuff and the video and audio quality are garbage--especially the audio, as the mics weren't grounded properly in several scenes. Seriously, if it's a scene where there is no background noise, does it kill you to dub it with clean audio later? Lame.

I wept for joy when I first saw this, and after 300 viewings, I still tear up with pure bliss each time the magical toots begin to flow. Such sweet sounds and if you supply your own odors, the experience is spiritually uplifting. I praise all that be, that such a movie could be made. I have prayed for a sequel, no, I have devoted my life to making one. I sold my wife and children into slavery to hire back the original cast for a reunion fart festival. But they were all dead, leaving me to fart by myself in the closet with the door shut. That wasn't half bad. Thank for reading this and please watch this movie often while you are on the toilet, so it isn't forgotten. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, please remake this worthy film! Rebooting the franchise is our only hope for salvation!

As he is about to take a bite of his sandwich, the film's smiling, blithe protagonist strides proudly by, and we hear a loud, fake, burbling fart.

Disgusted, the construction worker throws the sandwich aside and says, "I told her I hate day-old meatloaf!"

ELEVEN PEOPLE WROTE THIS MOVIE. ELEVEN PEOPLE WROTE THIS MOVIE AND I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THEM.

This is the type of movie you come across and can't believe it didn't get critical acclaim. As a closet farter, I believe that we need to get this film into the mainstream so we do not continue to shame those of us who greatly enjoy a good ol' one cheek squeak. I was thoroughly engaged from beginning to end, farting along with our protagonist as he was on his hero's journey.

The only reason I give this 9 stars instead of 10 is because a sequel was never made. There is such an opportunity for S. H. A. R. T. "Now things are getting dirty" to be made. Hopefully a director of great importance can pursue this picture in time.

Breath-taking. What can be said about the world's most perfect movie? The cinematography was stunning, the acting was surreal and the script seemed to flow naturally like the mighty Mississippi. One is reminded of the time that Moses was handed the Ten Commandments from God himself; we have been handed FART: The Movie from a being higher than us all. The plot isn't hard to follow, making it easier to enjoy all of the delightful poots and farts that our antagonist, Russell, expels throughout the film. Russell loves his farts as if each one was his own child, one different from the next. His wife, Heather, endures all of Russell's little "problem" even though it affects their social and personal lives. The farts are so realistic that on several occasions I looked around to see if someone else in the viewing cube in suspicion that they broke wind. This movie is great, and will now replace Cannonball Run II as my favorite movie of all-time.