Tongan Ninja

I accidentally stumbled across this film while pay-TV channel surfing & I was left in stitches of this high farce. This film really does fall into the category of "it's so bad it's good".

The great thing about Tongan Ninja is that it doesn't take itself seriously, it knows that it is cheap, silly & instead of trying hide from this cheapness, it revels in it.

Dodgy stunts, bad & unnecessary dubbing, bad guys giving a runny commentary of themselves being beaten up by Tongan Ninja, a love story and a fearsome looking All Blacks rugby star, Tongan Ninja has it all! Catch it if you get the chance & leave your brains at the door.

I own the DVD. I had to have it. It is just unfortunate that this piece of cinematic brilliance (Use your own judgment) only screened once in New Zealand (and as an ARTS film ?!?) when it received accolades in countries such as Finland and Bulgaria! I recommend it to anyone with a NZ sense of humor and also anyone who liked Kung Pow. I recommend it to all my friends. Then I hear that they recommended it to all their friends as well. I am still waiting for someone to tell me they did not like this move.

Be sure to check out the special features too. Lord of the Ring's Peter Jackson displays a rare view of his acting talent. If he is for this movie - you should be too!

I know I use the word 'awesome' a lot, I just happen to watch a lot of crazy awesome movies. I can't help it. I don't actively seek them out, they just find a way of ending up on my TV or in my DVD player. Anyway, where was I? 'Awesome'. I use the word 'awesome' frequently, and I'll admit that I'm not even using it correctly in more than a few cases. However, 'awesome' is my way of indicating a given movie's coolness level, and such a little word is so much more descriptive than a silly rating system involving numbers and stars. For example, I believe I rated 'Wild Zero' as 10 stars, 'Versus' as 9 stars, and 'Battlefield Baseball' as 8 stars, but I do believe I said each one is awesome. Numbers are so inaccurate, and can't describe such movies. 'Awesome' is so much more descriptive.

Now you may be asking "But how does all this relate to 'Tongan Ninja'?". Well, you see Billy, any number I give to 'Tongan Ninja' would be grossly unfair, as it would not be taking both the awesomeness of 'Tongan Ninja' and its value as a movie into account (see my review of 'Killer Meteors'. However, if I were to simply say 'Tongan Ninja' is crazily awesome, that would say so much more: it would say that anyone easily amused will enjoy it, and then people of any class and refinement should avoid it entirely.

'Tongan Ninja' is crazily awesome.

Sione (Sam Manu) is the Tongan Ninja. As a child, he survived a plane crash caused by Marvin (Jemaine Clement), who has since grown up to be an evil ninja and Sione's rival. Marvin makes it a point to frequently remind Sione that Sione's father survived, only to be eaten by a fish. The adult Sione is sent to New Zealand by their ninja mentor, Master Magasaki, to protect a restaurant in true 'Way of the Dragon' style. But the evil ninja Marvin is not far behind...

In all its crazy awesomeness, 'Tongan Ninja' is a spoof on old kung-fu movies. Hell, the plot is taken from Bruce Lee's 'Way of the Dragon', just with some extra creative license. Its a funny movie, messing around with the stereotypical plot elements (dead fathers, "I am your father", the greatest fighter of whatever style), bad dubbing, and making most of the very limited budget they had instead of trying to hide from being cheap. The fight scenes serve to amuse as comedy, not as true fight scenes, and the action goes way over the top but manages to stay funny throughout the movie.

Cheap and wacky, 'Tongan Ninja' isn't obviously going to appeal to everyone. However, anyone who likes their movies cheap and wacky (not to mention crazily awesome) will enjoy this.

First off, this movie is not to be taken seriously or compared to other Ninja movies. It is a total comedy/parody. If you are not a fan of ninja movies then see this! If you are a fan of ninja movies and have a sense of humor then see this! The character Action fighter is Jemaine Clement who is one half of Flight of the Conchords, a comedy act. They are a wonderful act so it ties into the comedy of this film. This comedy is what I call stupid funny, it is so stupid that it is funny! It is from a bunch of comedic friends who decided to make a movie, pretty good effort! What is nice as well are the extras like commentary, and the making of the film which is also funny. Seriously, take this movie lightly and enjoy some good laughs!

I read a review of this film which compared it to Bruce Lee's Way of the Dragon. What really astounded me about this review was that it's author actually took this movie seriously, as if it were striving for acceptance as a martial arts film.

Why is this world full of people who take things too literally and lack a sense of humour? Tongan Ninja is an hysterical little (dare I say) home-made indy picture with the sole purpose of generating a laugh or two. I don't think there was a 20 second gap in which i wasn't laughing.

To get the most out of this film, do as I did and gather a lot of friends together and watch it in numbers.... unless you are one of the mentioned people I spoke of before who don't have a sense of humour and take everything in life literally (you are the people who will die prematurely). I guarantee you will cack yourself stupid! If you're a fan of Kung-Pow... see Tongan Ninja. If anything, watch it for the opening credit sequence. Pure Gold!