- Archie Channinng: When dogs have to go, they have to go quick. And I hurt my knee. Lifting my leg to pee.
- Archie Channinng: You can't trust men. You can't trust your friends. And women are like dogs.
- Guardian Angel Sweeney: What do fire escapes, bulletproof vests, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
- Archie Channinng: That's a trick question.
- Guardian Angel Sweeney: Nope. All of those things I just named were invented by women.
- Archie Channinng: No, they weren't.
- [once Archie is back on Earth in human form]
- Archie Channinng: I just came out of a neverending nightmare.