Barbarian

The best movie to ever feature Wooby. Only one word can sum what the awesomeness of this movie. I don't know what that word is, but rest assured I will find it. The only character you need to watch in this movie is Wooby, and all the others. Wooby is the greatest actor this side of Martin Kove. Wooby may also be the richest character to emerge from the world of film since...ever. I propose a sequel entitled Wooby: Barbarian II. It's a buddy cop movie starring either Gary Busey or Danny Glover and Wooby. They battle time-traveling terrorists in present-day New York City. There's the usual back and forth between the reluctant new partners and the requisite moment where Glover/Busey sees the true tortured soul of Wooby, as he writhes on a bed in a cheap motel in pain from a full belly moaning "ooh I hope you didn't want any cake 'cause I ate it all."

OK, OK, I can understand how some movies try to use womanly figures to promote their movies and give some cheap thrills to the male audience, but you have to begin questioning a film that has the main lead getting it on with the first two nameless bare breasted chicks he rescues.

But that's not what makes the movie bad, nay painful. The script was a disaster and the delivery of said script was a travesty in the art of character portrayal. That being said, the characters in need of portrayal were shallow, one dimensional stereotyped fantasy figures and overused to the extent of being nauseous, so the actors can't take all of the blame.

The worst part of the movie occurs with the introduction of the "cute little sidekick" in the form of the abomination named Wooby. It is some mix between an Ewok and a giant teddy bear but shares none of the admirable qualities of either. The costume looks like it was a halloween costume thrown out by a 10 year old who knew better. The fight scenes involving Wooby are equally ridiculous and are little more than the light tossing of stones that plink of the chests of the bad guys but somehow manage to do enough damage to kill or otherwise disable them.

The only redeemable quality of the movie is O'Hearn himself, but not because of his acting ability or skill with martial arts and clearly not for his theatrical fighting abilities. The sole benefit he gives to the movie is that he looks the part and looks it well. The plot is overly cliché and reminiscent of fourteen year olds playing Dungeons and Dragons and the film doesn't even take itself seriously enough NOT to steal footage from other movies. Yes, an entire scene was taken right out of "DeathStalker".

The movie was a disaster and rivaled only by the likes of films such as Time Bandits and Cave Dwellers.

And for goodness sakes, it has Wooby.

I found this DVD in the dollar store bin and have to say it was easily worth the $1 (plus tax.) Conan spawned a lot of these muscle man-with-a-sword flicks and this one featured 4 times Mr. Universe Michael O'Hearn. Unlike Arnold or Lou Ferrigno, whose steroid use left them bloated and musclebound, O'Hearn is all natural with a leaner, more ripped look giving his fighting scenes a lot more appeal. A good looking guy who can actually act, he's trapped in this low budget mishmash. Wisely though, they put him in almost every scene to make the most of his star quality. Some of the fight scenes are good and O'Hearn dispatches bad guys as easily with his bare hands as he does with a sword. He also has a couple of love scenes with some bare-breasted beauties which lets him display a lot more of his impressive physique. The plot is only an excuse for the martial arts action and that's where O'Hearn shines. His opponents are no-name local muscle (it appears to have been filmed in Russia judging from the names) but they only exist to give O'Hearn an opportunity to show off his lethal talents. If martial arts muscle is your thing, O'Hearn does his best to deliver.

This is a zero budget, amateurish film that is laughably poor in parts. Obviously made on the cheap, with scenes cut in and some very poor acting and dubbing. It was made in the Crimea, in Ukraine and the scenery is the best thing about it. The soundtrack has been over-dubbed subsequent to filming, presumably because the local actresses accents were too heavy to be understood. This has made an already clunking script even more laughably bad. Where filing is off location, the sets are blatantly plywood, with no attempt made for solidity or weightiness.

Assorted bad guys are too clean, the same locations are used for different parts of the plot, and overall it looks like it was thrown together in a wet weekend. Good points: the scenery, and surprisingly the score. And the girls are very pretty. Bad points: the rest of the movie.

This film is ostensibly an attempted remake of the original Deathstalker movie. It even plunders numerous scenes from the aforementioned such as the warriors banquet for instance (presumably to a) save on money and b) pad out the running time) In reference to the first point, viewing the film it is immediately blatant that this was shot on a very tight budget indeed.

But of course cheap doesn't necessarily equate to crap does it? So the question obviously is, is this film any good?

Well yes and no in fact.....

On the plus side, as other reviewers have noted, Michael O'Hearn looks splendid in the role as the barbarian Kane (basically the same character as Deathstalker but actually far more amiable) There are also a number of rather well choreographed fight scenes utilising an interesting variety of weapons. A big plus for the guys now: The ladies in this film are absolutely stunning! (and virtually all of them at some point are seen topless!)

Sounds pretty good so far? Well.....let us consider some of the bad points...

For one, Martin Kove is dreadfully wasted in his role as the main villain. I'm presuming, judging by the amount of scenes he was actually in, that he only had a day or twos work on this movie.

Another very irritating (not to mention down right bloody infuriating) gripe I have with this film is the ridiculous character of 'Wooby'. What in the hell was the point of inserting this 'thing' into the film?! It looks like a cross between a shrunken wookie and a piece of rotting carpet! - and don't even get me started about the ridiculous, 'supposed to be cute' noises it emits!

Finally, the movie has quite obviously been entirely (and very poorly) re-dubbed throughout.

To conclude then, I guess that if you look upon this as a sort of modern tribute to the sword and sorcery movies of the 1980's that were all the rage in the wake of the success of Conan the Barbarian then you may find it to be worth a look (for nostalgia purposes if nothing else) Likewise, fans of TV series such as Hercules and Xena: Warrior Princess may find some not inconsiderable enjoyment here as this film does carry a similar (albeit more violent) feel to it. However, overall in comparison to many of it's brethren in the Sword and Sorcery genre this sadly comes out as only average at best.