From Justin to Kelly

There are bad movies. There are really bad movies. And then there's this one. Morbid curiosity compelled me to seek it out, just so I could see for myself exactly how dreadful it was. I got about eight minutes into the 'film' before I suddenly developed an overwhelming urge to run around hitting things very, very hard. Still, 'From Justin To Kelly' really is a must see flick if you have any dreams of breaking into the movies, because believe me, if utter garbage like this can be solicited, then quite literally anybody's got a shot.

This movie is terrible because it was made 40 years too late. The American Idol hype fueled the studios ambition to crank out a quick blah blah story about Justin and Kelly. The end result, a soup sandwich with no audience. The fact that what works on television doesn't always work on the "big screen," is true in the case of From Justin to Kelly. The production value is professional and many of the dance numbers took long hours and hours to practice and to get right. Still, nobody cares. The movie itself (on paper) was a joke to begin with. There are only a handful of lines worth hearing through this 90 minute movie. The rest can be considered pop-culture junk or better yet, left overs that nobody wants to have for dinner.

Unlike some of the entries in the endless parade of crap reviewed on this site, you might actually have heard of "From Justin to Kelly: The Tale of Two American Idols". This name recognition could potentially raise two problems. First is the prospect that you might already be familiar with the movie and thus take issue with something incorrect I might write. This differs from a review of "Idiot Vampire Movie #277" or whatever other nonsense I write about, where only four people on the planet have seen the movie in its entirety and I could have written the entire thing using a Ouija board without anyone knowing better. The second problem might be that you have actually seen the movie and so this review is redundant. Of course, anyone who watched this movie probably had enough pent up self loathing that they have already ridden the vein pain train in a lukewarm bathtub. In which case, congratulations on being dead! It is obvious you didn't quite make it into Heaven, which has a standing gag order against anything related to "American Idol". Better luck next time.

What do you get when you take two flash-in-the-pan celebrities from a reality TV show and fling them in front of a camera without any lessons in screen acting, line reading, or simulating basic human emotion? "From Justin to Kelly" decided to find out. I suppose it's fitting that one of the worst shows on television today would have managed to spawn a Hollywood film that manages to raid the lint traps of sheer ineptitude so severely that it makes "Battlefield Earth" look like a sci-fi epic for the ages. Not only could neither Justin nor Kelly act their way out of a paper bag, but they wouldn't be qualified to deliver bag lunches to the other soap actors on set. Thankfully, one half of the dynamic duo has already returned to blissful obscurity. We can only hope this movie will soon follow. I am not sure if this movie is taking place in an alternate timeframe where Kelly was never discovered and instead was forced to perform to audiences numbering in the single digits, or if it's supposed to take place in 2007 when the same will probably be true.

I suppose I can't fault the producers of "American Idol" for wanting to make another quick buck off their inexplicably popular TV show. Nor can I really fault two okayish singers lucky enough to land a starring role in a movie out of the blue because they weren't as horrible as everyone else. Someone has to be responsible for this mess, though, and I guess the most obvious blame falls on the people who voted Justin and Kelly into their positions as the final two American Idols: namely, the American public. This is all your fault, jerks. You should be ashamed.

This is a poor attempt to capitalize on the popularity of the American Idol show. Unfortunately they chose to use the people rejected from the show as cast. Save the ticket fee this one comes out on video in July. Or you can keep an eye on the Late, Late, Late Show, you will see this one with its twin Glitter.

IMDb should consider creating a "0" rating below the current "1".

The description should read "dreadful".

Truly, a complete waste of time and resources.

This is the one aspect of being a father I can do without: Having to sit through an 82 minute eternity of this garbage.

The acting by these two American Idol "stars" is naturally primitive, however, one would think ("one" being the producers who are responsible for the millions of dollars it takes for a major motion picture) that someone would have given these kids acting lessons.

What may even be more frightening is that this picture probably made oodles of money.

Sometimes it is embarrassing to be an American.

Miss this one.