Shelter Island

Geoffrey Schaaf probably had no clue where he was taking this story, because ultimately, it makes no sense at all. The credits tell us it's based on a screen play from Paul Corvino; it makes us wonder if the writer must have been under influence when he conceived this pathetic thriller.

The actors are wasted. Poor Ally Sheedy, she gets involved in projects that really don't deserve her talent. One wonders if after High Art a lot of directors have decided to cast her in lesbian roles.

The story is too obvious. We know what's coming just by looking at the first scenes of the dinner party. It goes downhill after that. Stephen Baldwin will be better off by retreating to his native Long Island and start a clam digging business. Chris Penn is just horrible in the film, as are Patsy Kensit and Mimi Longeland.

Surf channels whenever this dud shows on your screen.

Believe it or not this movie was not bad. Definitely a guy movie. It had the three S's of a good flick: sex, suspense and scenery(nude). It's a good flick to watch at bed time when you need something to fall asleep to. William Penn plays a great cop who's elevator doesn't quite go all the way to the top, if you know what I mean. Hats off to Kensit and Sheedy for playing a couple and not shying away from showing their love for each other, if you know what I mean. The plot takes a little twist so as a result interest level is kept at a minimum in addition to all the nice scenery. I wonder if this willingness to play girl on girl for Ally Sheedy is part of her comeback from nowhere that started back when she did girl on girl in Higher Art?

Whatever happened to Eighth Wonder singer Patsy Kensit after she appeared in the high voltage, high energy thriller 'Lethal Weapon 2'? Well, she went on to appear in a number of okay pictures (the acclaimed 'Twenty-One' and the sweet romantic comedy 'Does This Mean We're Married') and some truly terrible TV-movie-type fodder such as 'Kill Cruise.' Unfortunately, this crass production falls into the latter camp and, despite some good talent and a serviceable script, the movie is betrayed and let down with an overabundance of (blatently obvious) body-double nudity (that would seem more in place in a soft porn production) and a (supposidly) "surprise twist' that is telegraphed early in the movie. Kensit plays the lesbian girlfriend Alex, to Alley Sheedy's motivational speaker character, who persuades her girlfriend to escape the big city after she is brutally attacked. The two seek the solitude on an island and tension arises with the arrival of an injured man, a violent storm that knocks out the phone lines and ferry services to the mainland and the almost voyeuristic fascination with the girls displayed by the local sheriff. Kensit was the reason why I picked up this movie, that and the promise of an okay suspense thriller, but her talent is once again squandered in a movie that fails to deliver any real tension.

**SPOILERS** Jogging through the streets of NYC well-known motivational speaker and former womens PGA golf champion Louise "Lou" Dalamere,Ally Sheedy, gets attacked by this masked weirdo with a stick-ball bat who almost kills her. After recovering from her injuries Lou and her live-in girlfriend Alex, Patsy Kensit, take a ride out to her country house in far out Shealter Island.

It just happens to be that at the time that Lou & Alex got to the house a major storm hit the island and knocked out all the electricity and telephone lines leaving the two women alone and cut off from the outside world. Just then Lenny, Stephen Baldwin, the local clam digger gets swept up out of the ocean and dropped right into Lou's home.

Agreeing to let Lenny stay over until the storm blows over Lou & Alex soon realize that he's anything but grateful to them for practically saving his life. Lenny imposes himself on the two women with his off-color remarks about their lesbian relationship and makes a total jerk of himself by also trying to hit on to Alex right in front of her startled lover Lou! Thus doing his best to out stay his very brief and unwanted welcome at the Dalamere house.

It's obvious from the start that Lenny was anything but a stranded clam digger or even an Shealter Island resident but was part of some off-the-wall scheme to do in Lou and take off with her money making it look like her death was a drowning accident. It's also obvious that Lenny was the guy who attacked Lou earlier in the film in New York City that left her almost dead and that this time, in secluded Shealter Island, he was going to finish the job that he started back there. What we don't know about Lenny is that he's anything but alone in his attempt to murder Lou and has a lot more help in doing it then we, the audience, and Lou may think.

Stephen Baldwin together with Ally Sheedy and Patsy Kensit are about as odd a trio as you would ever see in a motion picture. In most of their scenes together they came across so absurd that you at first thought that the scenes were badly done out-takes that for some reason or mistake, or maybe even practical joke, ended up getting edited back back into the movie.

There was also the local Shealter Island Sheriff Deluca, Chris Penn, who also got into the act later in the movie that's after you forgot all about him and thought that his brainless actions earlier were just comic relief. Sheriff Deluca is also one of the major players in the plot to do in poor Lou.The ending of the movie was about as anti-climatic as you could make it with the only major actor in the film who, up to then, had nothing to do with the plot to murder and legally steal Lou's money ending up being the "mastermind" of this whole crazy and unbelievable scenario.

This movie is an elementary school production. Everything about it exudes an immaturity and lack of sophistication that can be overwhelming if you aren't expecting it. Still, I suspect some people can enjoy this freshman effort. It all depends on which part of the audience you belong.

Are you one of the people obligated to like it, like parents watching their child up on the stage? Are you an Ally Sheedy fan filled with false hope that she's finally making a return to decent film like High Art? Are you a lesbian sexploitation fan anticipatory that maybe this bad sex scene isn't the only one in the film? Or are you that diehard thriller fan who, during the end credits, is still looking for a redeemable moment of tension? If you could potentially be any of the above. stay away.

I suspect most of you will be the bored sibling in the crowd who was forced into watching this crummy play by a loved one. If this happens to be you, try your best to endure it, and maybe later seek sweet revenge by subjecting this loved one to a bad film you enjoy.

And the few of you who might genuinely have a blast with this film, are the teenagers who sneak into the back of the auditorium to make fun of the little kids on-stage. For you guys, this movie is great riffing fodder. A true treat to the MST3K crowd, and only for you can I recommended Shelter Island.