बदले की जंग

Men have a place in their brains called the macho cortex (MC) buried in the limbic system which, when sufficiently stimulated, turns us into drooling morons with only two desires; survival and sex, not necessarily in that order. Most action flicks are designed to stimulate the MC by flooding our senses with big, ugly dudes who are bad (we don't care why) and we want to see killed or luscious babes who are good (all babes are good, even bad ones) and we want to...well, you know. This parses as Big, ugly = bad, Babe = good. All we need is some kind of Rambo-like hero with whom we can identify and, presto, we're there, vicariously getting off as we watch the hero (us) waste the bad guys while the babes swoon.

The problems with the formula in Seagal's formula action outing "Out for a Kill" are manifold. First, the hero, Seagal, doesn't fit the strong, silent type paradigm because he looks like a porky zombie on ludes. Second, the hero is married and then quickly widowed. So, now we're stuck with a porky zombie on ludes who is in mourning. Yuck! Thirdly, as Seagal trucks through a plot flatter than a saltine, there are no babes watching or waiting to drop their skivvies at the end. So, where's the prize? No respectable action hero would go to so much trouble with no hotties watching and waiting. Hottie cop Goh is waiting at the end but she's a platonic thing because she can't jump the hero since he's in mourning. Duh! Therefore, all the killing is a needless, senseless waste of time, the MC never gets engaged, and we, the men, are left with no reason to drool so boredom sets in and that's a bad thing. (C-)

Can he sink any lower? Probably yes, because at the rate he is going turning back is going to be very hard. It was after Exit Wounds that Seagal started his nose dive which has yet to end. Half Past Dead was a good step up from Ticker, but it still was only OK. Now we arrive at... ...this horrible film. It contains a bland to the max story of vengeance on the people who killed Seagal's wife. Some of the scenes are also so overly and ridiculously dramatic that you'll cringe. And Seagal, in this film, plays Seagal. That's right, he plays himself. He just shows up on screen pretending to be a professor and the audience expects him to start fighting with people soon and that's what happens.

No character development to speak of just mundane fights one after another. The bad guys are really stupid and just sit around a table somewhere. One by one they disappear and we are led to believe that they among the films body count. Does that sound dumb and confusing? Well that's because it is. 2/10

Rated R: violence and profanity

Either Steven Seagal has absolutely NO self-respect or the Mob were just too damn scary for him when it came to signing the contract for this total pile of crap.

They couldn't even be bothered to come up with an good title. Instead they took Hard to Kill and Out for Justice and combined them (Hard to Justice?). But don't even think for one minute that this film is up to the standards of Seagal's golden years. You'll NEVER see anything worse than this. Well, Son of the Mask maybe.

Seagal plays an archaeologist (well, it's a change from Cop or ex- CIA) who's precious Chinese artifacts and pots are seized by the Tong (the non-threatening Chinese Syndicate baddies) and stuffed with brown sugar (or cocaine, I don't know). Big Steve stumbles upon this dastardly deed and takes off for the Uzbekistan border. A hundred baddies come out of nowhere and start firing at him.

Big Steve is promptly framed and sent to jail, where he meets a character introduced as his new sidekick but is quickly forgotten about and never seen or heard from again. What the hell was the point in this? It turns out that Steve used to be in the CIA (oh for the love of crumb cake) and was their best ghost thief (huh?) and the DEA release him for some reason and he goes home to his quiet American suburb, where the Tong blow up his wife and house.

Steve goes on a killing spree. But what helps is that every Chinaman who's neck he breaks has a one-word tattoo on his arm that when added up makes an ancient Chinese proverb that provides the right order of tiles to push in case of fire in the Tong bosses office. What? Don't look at me! I didn't write this! The bad guys don't do anything apart from sit at a long table in a poorly-lit and cold-looking room and smoke cigars while looking evil. The boss isn't even Chinese but an Ian Hislop-lookalike with bushy eyebrows. Every 10 minutes the film will jump to them (subtitles list their hobbies and interests for some strange reason!) and the boss goes 'We have to stop him, he knows too much'.

The fight scenes are horrible. What is the deal with the kung-fu monkey barber? Seriously! What is the deal with that? The computer- generated effects are the worst ever (second to Son of the Mask, nothing will beat that in terms of terribleness). I've seen more convincing stuff on a ZX Spectrum.

Seagal puts NO effort into this film. He looks incredibly bored through-out and looks like he'd rather be praying to Budda. However, you can almost see Frankie Fingers from The Mob loitering off- camera, pointing a gun at his head. I know I wouldn't show enthusiasm if that were the case.

Out for a Kill is directed by Mike Oblonglowiscz, the same amateur responsible for the equally as horrible The Foreigner. The man has NO idea how to make films and should never be allowed near a camera again. He desperately tries to mime Michael Bay (a dubious choice of inspiration) with his pointless stutter-cuts and incoherent editing which only makes the film look worse, turning it into an avalanche on top of another avalanche. It's quite possibly one of the ugliest-looking film you'll ever see. Considering some of the high-profile and veteran production members it's phenomenal they made a film so indescribably bad.

Eternal, everlasting shame on all those involved with making this trash. Utter crap of the lowest order.

The DVD is in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, showing off the ugly photography and poorly planned camera angles in all their rubbishy glory. The Dolby 5.1 soundtrack also turns the films unbelievably bad sound design into pure torture for the ears. The cover also features 2 exploding helicopters. There are no helicopters in the entire film, never mind exploding ones.

This is a totally awful and boring movie.

I was impressed that a totally bad directing and mediocre script reached to be a Seagal film! Seagal did this movie with no pleasure, you can notice that, he's plain and bored trough all the movie; he usually don't move while fighting, but in this movie he almost fall asleep while taking down the bud guys. He also looks fat and like he just woke up. I like Seagal movies, but this is really awful. Some scenes have no meaning or sense, and some fights are absurd (Like the Kung Fu Monkey style guy that walks trough walls, i laughed at that!). The Chinese mafia (from all the world) meets always in the same place, and this scenes are put almost every 10 minutes in the film, all the time in the film they show the day and the place in red letters (without too much sense), like the comments of the Chinese mafia leaders in the beginning! This movie try to copy a bond film, taking Seagal trough the world as a 008 agent but without the toys and financial support of the British.

About the Movie: Seagal plays here the role of Archaeologist professor Robert Burns, excellent in the matter and who received a prize for his discoveries at Yale University. The story begins when an international Chinese drug mafia cartel tries to use the shipments of Archaeological discoveries from the Chineses border, to export drugs from China (these drugs look more like brown sugar), and Burn find out this and try to escape, in the pursuit, a student of him dies and he is believed guilty of homicide and drug traffic and is send to prison. Some DEA cops, due to their lack of exit chasing these drug lords, use professor Burns (believed guilty) as bait to get to this mafia. In this the Chinese try to kill the Proffesor in order to protect their operations; surprise that the professor is an martial arts expert by some reasons of his past, and the task became harder than they expected. The mafia consist of: (1) Sai Lo (heroin market in Paris), (2) Thang "The Bird" Zhili (New York drug market in Chinatown), (3) Yin Quinchi (Sofia Bulgaria Eastern Europe drug cartel) (4) Li Bo (drug export in Shanghai China) (5) Fang "The Barber" Lee (Paris drug cartel) (6) Mr. Chang (Drug money in London) and (7) Wong Dai, the boss and more powerful drug lord of all. The story takes place in different parts of the world (like a James Bond movie), specially in Chinatowns of all world.

About the Cast: Seagal, terrible!, the Chinese bad guys are the worst actors of all time!, Michelle Goh, beautiful but bad actress, and her DEA partner is even worse than the Chinese; i haven't seen such bad acting in months! (and i watch movies almost every day)

When he finds that his Chinese artefacts are really being used to smuggle drugs across the world, archaeologist Professor Robert Burns (no, really) makes a break for the border. His colleague dies in the ensuing chase but he makes it to safety, only to framed and arrested for the very crime of drug running. The American DEA get him released and he goes back home to his wife. However the criminals who framed him, come back after him and, when they miss him, kill his wife instead. Of course what they didn't know was that the mild mannered and slightly portly Professor was once one the world's greatest thieves and a martial arts expert to boot and, when he is struck, he strikes back.

Early on in this film, Professor Burns notes that pilot "Crash" Kupper used to fill proper airplanes and that his current job of flying rubbish little passenger planes shows that his career has really taken a turn for the worse. About 90 minutes later I couldn't help wonder how many takes they had to do of that scene before they were able to get Seagal to deliver the line without the irony bringing tears to his eyes (although his "highs" were never really that high were they?) because even by his standards "Out for a Kill" is a poor film, whose unimaginative title only hints at the dreariness to come. All the clichés are present – a hero who "used to be a top etc", a shady mastermind etc etc. None of it really engaged me and the globe-trotting nature of it just didn't work at all. Usually the action makes up for all the rubbish but here it was also pretty poor; the direction of them are unimpressive and attempts at something fancy in the barber shop were really just ridiculous.

The cast can do nothing to stop the rot, in fact they are a big part of the problem. In every scene Seagal looks like someone has just woken him up and that he just wants to get this all over and done with. He mumbles his way through it, only doing well with a bit of the action here and there. Goh is equally as bad and her narration is just plain awful in terms of dialogue and delivery. Johnson doesn't have much to do and just hangs around till someone decides he isn't needed any more. The support cast are made up of Asian actors who fill space on the screen and a baddie who we know is a baddie because he spends all his time in a big room, smoking – they must have shot all his scenes in about a week.

Overall this is a poor film and even fans of Seagal will struggle to find any value in this one. The direction is messy and derivative while the actual story could only aspire to those standards. The cast clearly are not up for it one bit and Seagal looks like a man carrying a crushed spirit as he repetitively goes through the motions with a lot of mumbling and a dead look in his eyes.