Snake Island

I usually like movies about animals or reptiles turning against the mean old humans who threaten their environment, but I have to say Snake Island was a major letdown.

The premise is interesting, a group of people, including a writer numbly played by William Katt, goes to an island called, duh, you guessed it "Snake Island", and quess what the island lives up to it's name. That is one thing I will give this movie, there are snakes, LOTS and LOTS of snakes of all sizes and kinds. So that part of the movie in fairness lives up to its name, but the writing, acting and directing is SOOOOOOOO lame it is almost painful to sit through.

The characters are so unlikeable I was begging for the snakes to finish these horrible people off to put us all out of our misery. There are a couple of scenes that are so surreal and ridiculous they have be seen to be believed---snakes gyrating to really horrible disco music while 2 women dance seminude together and a scene with a snake holding some inane dialogue with one of the actors, it's beyond absurd. I think the writer was trying to be funny but this just came off like some weird LSD trip...

I remember William Katt years ago back when he starred in "Carrie", what a hunk he was..not that he was ever a major star, but to be reduced to this garbage, I feel for him.

Avoid this movie like the plague unless you are really into movies that feature lots and lots of snakes and really horrible humans.

I really don't think it's necessary that I write a review on a movie with a title as derisory as "Snake Island", but even in the abstract confines of its own genre, this hit a new low, so my anger must be known. The only reason why I even bothered to watch this unbelievably bad movie is because I knew it was going to be bad, it was really late at night, I could not sleep, and in the past, really bad movies would drain the energy out of me and make me long for slumber. It became very quickly very early on that this movie was going to be awful, but it condescended below even those expectations.

The movie was directed and written by Wayne Crawford, who also stars in the movie as a tourist guide on the African river, who ends up having to strand his team on a remote island called Snake Island until another boat comes down to pick them up. They hang out, get drunk, and then become subject to the onslaught of poisonous snakes who are on a mission to purge their island of human beings.

If your jaw dropped at the last sentence of my second paragraph, don't bother to reread it, you got it right the first time. Frankly, I prefer my creature features when the creature(s) just attack the nonsensically dumb humans out of hunger, not because they have some kind of a mission. These aren't mutant snakes. They're not giants like what you see in "Anaconda." They're just ordinary, everyday African snakes like mambas and vipers…only they have the brains to form armies, take up causes, work together to trap people, understand our language, and even dance! Did your draw drop again? Well, it's going to drop further. Amount midway through this awful B-movie, about the part where I'd already given up, the human characters start drinking around a campfire and then all of a sudden, they break down into some kind of an orgy. And while they dance nude and such, the snakes hunting them all of a sudden stop and start jamming along to it. The combination of this scene and the scene where we discover that snakes, some the most roguish creatures on the planet, have formed an alliance against human beings for some oddball reason, proved just too much for my poor brain. And just when I though the filmmakers couldn't take it to an even lower level, the snakes started to sing.

The people in the movie? Well, let's just say that never before have I rooted for the creatures to kill everybody off so quickly. I just could not stand it any longer.

I really don't think I need to keep going on; you get the picture. If there is anything that makes "Snake Island" any different from its other rivals, it's that it does dare to try to be even dumber and that's not a complimentary achievement. Why—just why—I continue to subject myself to these really bad movies, I guess I'll never really know. But "Snake Island" hits a brand new low. It's a cheap, trashy excuse for a motion picture that makes "Anaconda," a brainless snake movie, look as brilliant and sophisticated and thrilling as Steven Spielberg's "Jaws." You have been warned.

A tour-boat operator (Crawford) inadvertently leads his horny human cargo into the den of an island inhabited by ferocious snakes. Party member and author (Katt) discovers that not only is there an over-abundance of snakes on the island (a fact that should have obviated from the name of the resort, which shares the film's somewhat conspicuous title), but a hex on any human who has trespassed. So, after some sight-seeing (an elephant threesome being the highlight), a disco-party complete with drunken three-way striptease and some sexual content (butt-in-the-moonbeam-walk), our peripheral characters become prey, and Crawford, Katt and Connor are left to contend with the aggressive asps.

Director, producer, co-writer and co-star Crawford dons many hats for this picture, which looks like it's shot on a hand-held home video camera. Despite some apparent TV-movie production values, the dialogue is mostly realistic, the core cast is professional and the special effects aren't bad. Post-production editing effects create the "illusion" of the plethora of snakes converging on characters, and is done effectively. There's an occasional shock, and some mild gore (is that a tongue protruding from that cadaver's gaping orifice? – no, wait, it's just a baby snake waking up), and perhaps more critically when faced with tired ideas and cheap-looking set design – nudity.

When everything else is dear, there's still inexperienced actresses willing to bare all for the sake of art, and their career. Most of the female cast here reveal themselves to some degree, and actor, director, producer, writer Crawford, naturally, scores some residual benefits of such titillation. One could only postulate that Katt was lured into this production with the promise of the African safari holiday, and although the picture was shot on location, the savanna isn't always realistic looking, but perhaps that's the Super-8 camera lens cheating the eye of natural wonders. Aside from the occasional lame joke (the snake hallucination scene is admittedly quirky and unexpected, but ultimately, it's a dud gag) and plot hole, "Snake Island" delivers on its promise of lots (and lots) of snakes, cheap thrills and a conventional narrative to satisfy the average punter. Noteworthy, is the surprisingly clean screenplay with not an f-bomb in ear-shot (nevermind, it's the T&A that earn the R-rating, anyway).

Snake Island (2002)

** (out of 4)

Another "nature strikes back" flick this time set on, you guessed it, Snake Island. A group of strangers get stuck on the island when they learn that it has a reputation of being infested by various deadly snakes. One by one the guests are picked off. This certainly isn't a masterpiece of the genre but if you're a fan of these nature movies then you'll probably want to check this one out. I'm personally terrified of snakes so that causes me to be creeped out by movies like this whereas others might just roll their eyes and move on. Overall this isn't the best movie out there but there are several pluses to be had here. For starters, the performances are all rather good and makes for some nice characters. Director Crawford is good as the tour guide and William Katt turns in fine work as an author. Both men are clearly the best of the cast but the supporting players aren't too bad either. Real, rubber and CGI snakes are used throughout the film with the real ones working the best. The CGI ones are incredibly fake looking but they're certainly more realistic than those seen in something like PYTHON or its sequel. The attacks are all rather tame in terms of lack of violence and gore but I didn't have a problem with this as the director at least tries to build them up around suspense instead of the red stuff. What doesn't work with the film is its 95-minute running time, which was a tad bit long as the film starts to wear off its welcome after the hour mark. Another negative is an incredibly stupid snake dance half way through the picture. The director does throw male viewers some nudity, which I'm sure plenty will enjoy. If you're not a fan of this genre then I doubt this movie will turn you into a fan.

This film essentially begins in a remote region of Africa with a boat carrying several tourists up a river in the wilderness. However, when they stop at a small place known as Snake Island to gather supplies, the crew notices that there is nobody at the dock to greet them. Curious about this, three of the crew go ashore to find out what has happened with instructions for the passengers to remain on the boat. Unfortunately, when a cobra makes its way onto the boat, a novelist named "Malcolm Page" (William Katt) accidentally punctures the gas tank in an effort to kill it. This leaves everybody stranded on the island where it soon becomes clear that the snakes are quite plentiful--and extremely aggressive. Now rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this film started off well enough and appeared to have some potential. At least at first as there were a couple of scenes which had some decent suspense here and there. Likewise, both Kate Connor (as "Heather Dorsey") and Nicola Hanekom ("Ronnie") certainly added some nice scenery as well. Unfortunately, after the first 30 minutes or so, many of the scenes became somewhat repetitious which caused my interest to wane a bit. That being said, while this wasn't a bad film by any means, it wasn't necessarily that good and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.