Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

I don't usually comment on films that have more than 100 reviews I agree with, but I can not help but comment on this one. Not that there is much to add, mind you. This film is craptacular! On one hand it may just be the worst movie ever, and I mean ever, made. One the other, I have never laughed that much at a film before.

The shark that changes from a Great White to a Tiger shark, back to a Great White in one attack. Ben's fabulous digital camera, which magically knows what he's taking a picture of and removes everything else from the photo. The lead actress (and I use the term actress loosely) who never stops smiling, even when she's crying. The mini sub that's bigger inside than outside. The Bulgarian actors trying to sound like Mexicans. The totally redundant sex scenes. The LINE (you probably know what it is, but on the off chance you don't - you'll know it when you hear it). All this adds up to hilarity. Too bad they were aiming for horror.

Some people will say that it's a bad film, and advise against it. If I had expected a good megalodon (megalo-who? lol) film and been shown this instead, I would have been disappointed. But people, lets face it, it's called Shark Attack 3! How serious can such a film be? Instead, read the reviews (and in this case even spoilers don't actually spoil anything), grab your friends and prepare to laugh like a loon!

In short, I'll give this film 1 star, but it deserves 10 for pure comic value.

While it's difficult to find anything useful to add to the many insighful reviews of this "movie," there is at least one performance I think deserves special mention. Shark Attack 3: Megalodon offers one of the best examples of "method acting" I've ever seen. Leading man John Barrowman so immerses himself in his character that his single-minded approach dominates every scene. Unfortunately, the character he assumes for this movie was not that of Ben the glorified lifeguard who appears in the script, but the character of Tom Cruise playing Ben the lifeguard. In almost every shot, Barrowman can be seen ripping off a Cruise smile, a Cruise laugh, a Cruise pose, a Cruise expression, a Cruise anything he can get his hands on. And all this is completely independent of whatever Ben the Lifeguard is supposed to be doing in the scene other than being a Tom Cruise impersonator. I've seen some other actors attempt similar feats (Skeet Ulrich as Johnny Depp comes to mind), but none has taken on this particular role with such scrupulous dedication and total disregard of its effect on the actual movie.

I can say in all seriousness that this film is the funniest I have ever had the good fortune to watch. The fact that the humor is unintentional only makes it that much better (unless this is all a joke and it really is supposed to be this bad). In any case, anyone who feels like their life is going poorly, just remember: not once, at any point in your life have you ever produced anything half as bad as this movie. Everything about this movie, from the script to the acting and, especially, to the special effects, is literally laugh-out-loud funny. I strongly strongly recommend Shark Attack 3: Megalodon to anyone who hasn't revelled in its B-movie glory.

I really don't think I've ever seen a film that was worse than this one. At the piece of dialogue that is commonly referred to as 'THE LINE' I actually HAD to call my friend with whom I've seen lots of movies lately. I told him what the movie was about and we watched the finale 'together', him on the phone, me doing the live reporting from behind the screen. Laughing out loud almost all the time.

I don't think there's a single one of this films atrocities left that hasn't already been commented on, but it really keeps you roaring with laughter the whole 90 minutes. Oh... maybe there is something I didn't hear anybody rant about. The marlin footage. Was that seventies? Sixties maybe? Was it even in color? And really... What was that guy having sex for? And did I really pick up the suggestion that that woman was his fathers (?) wife???

This movie is pretty much at the top of the bad movie food chain. I laughed at literally every scene, I don't know how they managed to make a simple thing like the hero typing an email funny but they did.

The first thing you notice about the movie is the shark is either shown as shark footage (which is fair enough) or something that looks like it was made in Microsoft paint. I'm guessing bad actors are drawn to bad scripts like sharks to chum and this chum is especially fishy. Witness the security guard who just has to say a couple of simple lines but is quite clearly reading from a cue card he can't quite see. Most movies would cut him out, especially as the scene is pointless.

I also especially liked the helicopter pilot, if a man doesn't twitch a muscle at the sight of a 100ft shark then it's hard to imagine anything in life really moving him. Maybe he's just feeling down because his helicopter is quite clearly a toy or maybe he's just bemused because the shark grunts like a pig throughout the film.

The best scene doesn't involve the shark at all. They're stood on the beach and our hero delivers one of the worst lines ever written. If you've seen the movie you know the one, if not then you have the right to discover the beauty of it yourself.

Probably the funniest film ever made, no bad movie shelf is complete without it. Fingers crossed they make another one with the exact same cast and writer.