- Butler Alfons Hatler: [After the wixxer poisoned himself] Bah! Rogues killing themselves, only because their plans to rule the world went down the drain - I can't accept that!
- Inspector Very Long: [Even Longer releases Very Long and Dieter Dubinsky from the trap] Chief Inspector! You saved my life.
- Chief Inspector Even Longer: Shit, You're right.
- Earl of Cockwood: [Imitating jury member Dieter Bohlen of "Deutschland sucht den Superstar", Germany's version of Pop Idol] First, let me tell what I liked - nothing. And now what I didn't like - the rest of it. We'll be in touch.
- [shoots the singer, causing the other female captives to panic]
- Earl of Cockwood: Ladies, ladies, calm down, this is only an audition!
- Chief Inspector Even Longer: [climbing out of a trap door from a cellar] I thought I was a goner.
- Miss Pennymarket: This is an old trap door, from the 14th Century.
- Butler Alfons Hatler: We still need it - for the Jehovah's Witnesses.
- Inspector Very Long: to Chief Inspector Even Longer: The nicest thing you ever said to me was 'There, you can have my coffee. It tastes like shit.'
- Sir John: This is Dieter Dubinsky. He's from East Germany.
- Chief Inspector Even Longer: I'm sorry to hear that.