Hansel & Gretel

A fun film. Yes, it's long. Yes, it does seem a bit redundant at times, but the modern twists and dialogue and, if you are paying close attention, a bit of Monty Python and various other more mature film lines tucked in for fun, not to mention a certain chorus from a Metallica song, Sandman.

Howie Mandell did a great job as the Sandman but the character seemed a bit off with it's stereotypical "gay lisp" and at the same time, ogling the Wood Fairy - who resembles a certain young lady from Tomb Raiders with her Fairy wands strapped to her thighs and her short shorts. Delta Burke was fun as the Wicked Stepmother. You truly wanted to see her get her just desserts in the end, but she doesn't. And even that was a nice twist on the tale. Lynn Redgrave always adds to a role. She is superb as the fiendish female version of Hannibal Letcher.

This is aimed at an older audience, not little children. The humor and the references are going to go over the heads of the younger set.

A father reads a bedtime story to his kids (Dakota Fanning). It's the story of Hansel (Jacob Smith) & Gretel (Taylor Momsen). While their father (Gerald McRaney) is away, the evil stepmother (Delta Burke) abandons the kids in the Magic Forest. They meet the Boogeyman (Tom Arnold) and a Troll (Bobcat Goldthwait). They befriend the Sandman (Howie Mandel) and a Wood Faerie (Alana Austin). They get lost in a storm and encounter a Witch (Lynn Redgrave) with her delicious house.

This is a cheap ugly looking movie. The sets are bad. The Troll and Boogeyman costumes are really ugly and cheap. I don't even know why they are needed for the movie. Howie Mandel is being a little wacky which is good. Alana Austin is sexed up with her short shorts and a gun? I don't know why the camera is lingering on her legs for this kids movie. The movie goes to Lynn Redgrave and that section is fine. Although I always thought the point of the story is that the kids got greedy.

I remember seeing this movie as a kid and absolutely loving it. Recently I remembered it and found it online to re watch it. I understand what other parents are saying that there's some advanced humor that can raise questions in kids. But I think it's so advanced that a kid won't be able to understand it anyways. This was truly my favorite movie as a kid, and now remains my top ten for how stupidly niche and kid like it was.

Hansel and Gretel, is the story of two kids who meet a witch in a house made of gingerbread. But this version, is twisted.

The stepmother, wants to live in a house with a tv, and thinks the kids will stop her from that. So, she takes them into the woods, and leaves. Hansel & Gretel get lost, and meet the sandman, a wood fairy and the troll.

But, a "twister" blows them towards a gingerbread house, and a near-sited old woman comes out, offering them food... but, the woman is not what she seems...

This film has a great cast, and the story is great. But, there are several gags that slow down the storyline. One of which, is that the story is being told by a father telling his children. (the father is "reading" the book, but makes things up, which explains the twisted version)

This film is good, but the gags might tempt you to turn it off, before you even see the witch in her gingerbread house.

7/10

This is supposed to be first-and-foremost a kids' movie, and I understand trying to also draw the adults in, but this movie not only fails at that miserably, but somewhat compromises what a kids' movie should be. For one thing, the word "seduce" does not even belong in a movie for kids, and yet was used at least a few times with obvious adherence to it's true meaning - nor did there need to be a wood-fairy dressed up in shorts that would more normally be seen on a Hooters waitress.

The modern-day references and product plugs that can be found throughout just felt entirely out of place in a fairy-tale. And it was just downright sad to see Howie Mandel stuck on using his "Bobby" voice in one of the scenes - just let it go man... let it go.

Not only that, but half the stuff that happens in the movie did not happen in the original Grimm brothers' tale - and yet at the end you have Howie Mandel's character burst onto the scene with two other characters that had no place in the story claiming that the Grimm brothers got all their inspiration from him and his party-crashing buddies. It was pitiful to see. Sometimes it is hard to imagine that the writers come up with this garbage and the actors just play along. I don't think I could take being forced to be complicit in that much blatant idiocy, unless I was making some serious bank.

In the end, if you have a chance to see this movie, don't. And if your kids have a chance to see this movie - forbid it. I felt embarrassed for all the parties involved on-screen the entire time I was watching it.