Inferno

I think I'd rather burn in an inferno than sit through this film again. I can deal with the horrendous script, the appalling acting, the incompetent directing and the sinful waste of an excellent actor like Jeff Fahey, but what I can not excuse is the fact that "Inferno" is overwhelmingly dull and boring.

The first half of Inferno is as riveting as watching paint dry. Poor Janet Gunn looks completely at sea with the ridiculous role of Darcy, a single mother/fire jumper. When Darcy isn't jumping from planes to watch other people put out fires, she's busy fighting with her daughter, Kylie. The girl who plays Kylie is truly one of the least talented actresses I have ever seen. To describe her acting as wooden would be an insult to wood. And yet, Kylie is not the most poorly acted role in the film. That title undoubtedly belongs to the girl who portrays Mary, surely the worst child actor since Curly Sue.

I'm not sure what is actually more offensive, the acting or the pathetic special effects. In the director's commentary of Ladder 49, Jay Russell says that fire is about the only thing that CGI can not adequately create. After watching this film, I have to agree. The fires look like they have been drawn on the screen with a child's crayon.

I can really only think of two uses for "Inferno" - as landfill or as a handbook on how not to make a movie. Only for die-hard fans of Jeff Fahey, Dean Stockwell or Janet Gunn.

Well, best thing about the film was the contra dance band at the end, the Hillillies from Mars, of which I am a member. Actors were competent I thought, though working with very poor material. I will say that lunch was pretty good. Though the extras didn't get the same grub as the stars. My buddy Ray, unfamiliar with the movie class system, managed to wander through the first class lunch line and get actual meat instead of the spaghetti we lowly serfs were served. Cast and crew seemed like nice folks. Strange business this second line Hollywood stuff. I think the director must have gotten tired when editing, and the writer gave up after awhile as well. Wonder what it would have been like had everyone mimed their parts?

I often watch movies which are poorly rated and severely criticized, and feel many viewers were missing some significant points; satire, fantasy, surrealism, etc., which reviewers mistake as serious elements of the film. Inferno was roundly criticized for a large number of faults, with which I find myself in complete agreement. And I could add a number of others. I'm interested in forest fires, which is why I went ahead and rented it. In another incarnation I was foreman of a U.S. Forest Service tank truck and fire crew. In fact I grew up in the USFS and around fires. From the technical aspect of the film it is utter, complete and unmitigated B.S. I think Janet Gunn reached her professional peak as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, and is sliding down from there. I hope the rest of the cast and crew have other day jobs. This one really, really stinks, and is totally without redeeming merit.

I saw this movie on LMN and it was titled "California Firestorm". They usually run high quality movies that deal with prominent social issues, many of which are true stories. Unfortunately this time they really chose badly. Two of the lead characters were a mother and daughter. Normally when you watch a movie there are actors that play the part of a person and do so very well to the point that you cannot tell that they are actors because they play the part so well. That is not the case with this movie. It is so obvious that these are actors trying to play two real-life people and they do it very badly. It is like watching a high school play and the actors sound like they are over-dramatizing the lines. The mother plays a chief of a fire jumping crew in California during a fire. Much of her dialog is so unnatural sounding that I wanted to switch channels after the first ten minutes, but there was nothing else on so rather than turn off the TV I kept watching hoping that it would get better, but it never did. For example, while they are playing a scene where they are in the forest fighting the fire there is CONSTANT dialog between the actors much of which is everyone telling everybody else what a good job they are doing. The way it was done sounded very unnatural and "staged", like they were saying it for the benefit of the camera. Even the scenes portraying the typical conflicts between a mother and teenage daughter are over-acted and when the confrontation is over it seems like there is something missing, like they cut out a part of the scene that should have been left in. LMN is probably the channel that I watch the most so I was really disappointed that they ever ran this movie. Do yourself a favor and if it is ever run again watch something else, ANYTHING else. It was so bad that I went right to IMDb and posted this review, something that I very rarely do.

While viewing a multi-pack of action DVD's I stumbled across what appears to be a little known film that I certainly had not heard of before. The only actor immediately recognizable is Dean Stockwell who has only a small and rather featureless part as Mayor Bill Klinger. Despite this I found the scenery and acting well above average for what was ostensibly a low budget production. Panoramic views of the sweeping forestry were well executed and while the special effects were not up to blockbuster standard they were adequate and in no way detracted from the experience. The plot revolves around new Rural Fire Chief Darcy Hamilton played by the incredibly sexy Janet Gunn. The move brings tension between Darcy, her daughter, the mayor and the local firefighters. All the while a random arsonist is making life difficult. The story itself is sound with some believable action heating things up. Overall I found the movie absorbing with above average acting and reasonably strong plot lines.