- Guv: I don't have any talent.
- Terry Brook: That's not true, Guv. You can talk burp.
- Guv: [Burp talks] Yes I can.
- Terry Brook: Not as impressive as talk farting tho.
- [Farts the word sausages]
- Guv: Sausages!
- Terry Brook: Yeah, but the real talent is, it even smells like sausages!
- Guv: [Bends down to smell Terrys bum] Yes, it's definitely a pork smell, leak...
- [Tony Harris walks into the pub]
- Guv: Oh, no, Tony. It's not what it looks like!
- Prof: [Whenever someone mentions perhaps capturing the notorious train station flasher] Oh, I don't think so. They will never catch that brilliant fiend
- Guv: You can say what you like about the filthy, stinking, treacherous, German hun. But you have to respect 'em.
- Marcel: No! Do not fill my French ear with such words.
- [Marcel spits on the floor]
- Guv: Yea, you have to respect 'em, you don't have to capitulate quite so often but you have to respect 'em. You see the thing about the Germans is it's all above board, they're perfectly clear about what they're ambition is, it's world domination! By any means possible. They're up to something, but they're telling us about it. Not like you lot, sneaking around, I mean look at the words that the French have given the English, "espionage", "sabotage", "camouflage", "fromage".
- [shouts]
- Guv: You're up to somethin'!
- Guv: Rules is rules and if we didn't have rules then where would we be?... That's right...
- Everybody: [shout] France!
- Guv: Hold on, Terry! Aren't you barred?
- Terry Brook: Uhm, I don't think so...
- Steve Crosby: Yes!...
- [long explanation ending with]
- Steve Crosby: Gary.
- [the dog]
- Janet Wilson: [Greg staring at Janet's breasts] Oh, look. You found them!
- [Sways them left and right]
- Janet Wilson: You are now under my hypnosis power. You are completely under my control. When I clap you will stop being a filthy pig.
- [Claps]
- Greg Thompson: Yeah, whatever.