Boa

HA HA HA...this movie is sooo funny...in a bad way.

Many unanswered questions.

Why were there only roughly 15 guards at a prison in a frozen wasteland?

Why did they all speak to each other by last name only?

Why weren't they cold when walking through a gigantic block of ice?

Why was there only one person with access to the gates of the prison?

Why were there no caretakers or cooks or anybody else that works in a prison facility around?

Why after "2 weeks" were the inmates still healthy and energetic looking? Had they been knowledgeable of the snake, there would have been massive panic.

Why were the inmates still alive if the rest of the staff at the penetentiary killed? If the snake was able to crush through several thousand feet of ice, why not through plexiglass to eat the prisoners?

Why was Dean Cain and his "wife" talking of creatures that lived below the ice right at the time of the giant snake escaping from the hollowed out rock? Did they have subconcious knowledge of it or were they actually demons who had given birth to it and therefor had first hand knowledge of snakes living in permafrost environments?

If the snake will go where it's warm, why didn't the snake tunnel it's way north to a warmer climate?

If this is a BOA Constrictor, why did it first strike it's victims with it's fangs, instead of crushing them and breaking bones and swallowing them whole? Boas will CRUSH their meal till it is lifeless and then devour it, and not seek out till it has totally consumed the meal.

Why did the snake not stay where the warth of the fire was instead of darting off across the cold building after new victims. They were heading to the warmest part of the structure...the snake was there, but it chased them. Had the snake stayed where it was warm, it would have only been in the drilling and heating chamber.

Why after flying across the ocean and jumping into sub-freezing temperatures did the army and the two professors still have warm hands and faces while walking through very cold blowing wind?

Why did the snow look like cotton and NOT stick to the clothes or to any metal objects? Or heap up in the corners of the wall where the wind was blowing it too?

Why did this entire movie look like some lame attempt at putting back pieces of previous ALIEN, STAR WARS and STAR TREK sets together to create a backdrop.

Why was the snake able to live and GROW in a hollow rock that has been sealed for thousands of years with no food?

Why did the snake make noise? Snakes have no vocal cords and therefor make no vocal reverberations.

Why was Dean Caine's character not emotional after he thought his wife to be dead?

Why was his wife very emotional when she spoke of a child which was not even relevent to the story?

How did the criminals eat during their entire stay at the fortress and why were they still wearing the same clothes without looking like they had slept in them for two weeks? What was the reason for the criminals in the first place...they served no purpose except for a quick meal.

Why did the criminals have to argue with each other when the only thing they had to do was either kill the snake or run?

Why was the Warden so high up on himself and demanding when he could have just hopped the plane and escaped?

Why didn't the survivors use all the firepower in the storage room that was accessable to them, instead of leaving plenty of weapons behind?

Why didn't the survivors think of using the explosives from the mining crew had left them?

Why? Why? Why? Why are there sooooo many holes to this story? Why was it made? Why were the characters so poorly developed?

Why was the script so poor quality? And why wsan't it actually filmed in somehwere that was cold (a big freezer warehouse? Northern Canada in Winter? Why were there so many useless characters that served absolutley no point in the film?

Like Anaconda but in Antarctica and the women are in parkas. But this movie was much better than Anaconda because of the ensemble acting. There were some funny accents just like in Gladiator.

We had to rent this movie like we rent any movie with hunky Dean Cain (who should have been in Gladiator).

We were expecting the movie to be a lot better than it was judging by the packaging on box that depicted a cool looking snake that kind of looks like a box if you know what I mean. Even though the movie wasn't "Oscar" material, it did depict realistically what would happen if an Antarctic prison colony was invaded by a giant prehistoric snake. I, myself, did not think that New Alcatraz/Boa was Epic in the same sense that Gladiator is epic. In that context, New Alcatraz/Boa is no War and Peace. However, New Alcatraz/Boa had a strange twist of irony unlike any film I've seen in a longtime.

If there is a sequel to this movie we would like to write it... imagine a biblical thriller in space with a giant snake.

The world-leading countries sneakily aligned on opening a top-secret and maximally secured prison in Antarctica, reserved for the worst of the worst kind of criminals, like terrorists, government hackers, and fallen dictators. Construction and drilling works are still in progress, although the facility is already in use, and the workers drill through a hallow rock and awaken a gigantesque prehistoric snake.

Well, you know, these things happen...

Luckily, there's former TV-Superman Dean Cain as a useless paleontologist who gives brilliant advise, like: "Don't shoot the gas pipes" (but the soldiers continue to ignore this) and "Let's release the prisoners because they know more about escaping...".

It's a terrible film, but - in its defense - can anyone name one 'giant snake' horror effort that is actually good? No, of course not. Even the far more budgeted efforts, like "Anaconda" and "Python" are worthless. If you're looking for adequate snake horror, stick to the "normal sized" slithery serpents, like "Venom", "Mamba", "Fangs", "Jennifer", "Rattlers", "Curse II: the Bite", "Sssssss", or "Stanley". The best way to enjoy "Boa" is as a so-called "send in the military cannon fodder" flick. These are horror/Sci-Fi movies dealing with random military men being sent into a top-secret and geographically remote government research facility or underground lab to eliminate creatures much stronger and slimier than them. The CGI effects are terrible, the wardens and (especially) the prisoners are hopeless stereotypes, and finale is downright ridiculous - although it does predate "Snakes on a Plane" by a handful of years.

The bad big snake movie redux

First off, people who throw around the epithet "worst movie of all time" haven't seen enough bad movies. Go watch Turbulence 1, 2 or 3, or Druids to know what the phrase really means. This movie is bad, but it's fun bad. It's heckle-able (is that a word? it is now). There's plenty to make fun of but it's hardly unwatchable. If you go in (as I did) knowing that this is going to be a bad big snake movie (or a bad CGI-thing movie) then you can enjoy it on it's own terms for 90 minutes. Granted, they are stupid terms, but hey, why else would you rent a straight-to-video movie starring Dean Cain & a CGI snake?

The movie is best described as any typical poorly produced horror type movie where the characters will do the stupidest things to get themselves killed for no reason (eg.-walking into places knowing that you'll be killed or not taking anyones obvious warnings). The acting itself was not bad but the movie doesn't make much sense as to how a giant snake can move around the prison but can't really be seen until at least the last 45 minutes of the film. Some scenes were just written poorly. for example, dean cain promises a prisoner her safety when she was freaking out about the snake eating her and 5 minutes later, all he did was shoot her (but not the snake) so she wouldn't have to deal with the pain of being eaten... I guess that's still keeping his word. I'm no animal expert but this snake goes around this prison eating a bunch of people...don't snakes eat and then go hide and sleep it off since they're most vulnerable when they are full?? I don't think it's even worth the time watching this film. if dean cain would show some skin, perhaps it's still worth the rental.