The Black Cobra 2

Remember when you were watching the original Black Cobra and you thought to yourself "This is an okay flick but it would have really rocked if the guy who played Spider-Man on TV in the 70's was in it"? Well this happens to be your lucky day! Just give a gander to Black Cobra 2 and prepare to be knocked on your butt! Fred "The Hammer" Williamson is back and this time he's sent to another country to hang with the guy who played Spider-Man and together they battle bad guys when not hanging out with Spider-Man's creepy little slot car racing son who TALKS LIKE A GROWN WOMAN! Black Cobra and Spider-Man kick butt! What more could anybody ask for? And it's even better than the first Black Cobra (hard to believe I know)! What more can I say about Black Cobra 2? There's a Black Cobra 3 too!

I know it's contrary to what we're used, but "Black Cobra 2" is a lot better than "Black Cobra 1". Hooray! We found a rarity: a sequel that surpasses the original. This wasn't very difficult to accomplish, however, as the original was a complete mess of a film! The first was just a cheap attempt to cash in on Stallone's violent action flick "Cobra", but this movie actually has an ambitious plot, a half-decent narrative structure, light bulbs to brighten up the film sets and Fred Williamson who looks at least somewhat interested in the script. He returns as the unorthodox Chicago copper Robert Malone. For some reason, the opening sequences really accentuate that the film takes place in Chicago. There are shots of the Chicago Sun Times, the central station and Williamson himself even wears a jacket of the Chicago Cubs baseball team. After another umpteenth showcasing of his ruthless – but highly effective – working methods, Malone is forced to participate in a police exchange program. He's sent to The Philippines, where he falls under the command of Manila Interpol lieutenant McCall. One day later, Malone finds himself in trouble already, when they discover the assassinated body of a pickpocket artist who stole his wallet at the airport. Before they properly realize, Malone and McCall are caught up in a web of deceit, kidnapping, extortion, hired mercenaries and even terrorism. In many ways this is a typically annoying 80's movie, because it features irrelevant padding footage (bamboo dancing, anyone?), a pathetic romantic compilation and a lot of painfully awful "comical" interludes. It's also incredibly slow in places, with overlong boring investigations and completely unexciting fight sequences. Fred Williamson perhaps looks very tough, with his gigantic mustache and even bigger cigars, but he really sucks at Kung Fu moves! The climax is laugh-out-loud hilarious, as it includes the preparation of something what appears to become the biggest and most adventurous operation in the history of action cinema, but eventually Malone and McCall are just set out to kill three guys in two minutes.

Its not so much that I WANT to review this film, I just feel that I ought to! In a word, unadulterated, almost dubbed, buddy-cop crap! (I know, that's several words!)

Financed incredibly after the failure of the first "Black Cobra" outing, Malone is back as the cop whose lips are as out of sync as they were in the original...only Michael Winslow could do better! As for Nicholas Hammond, the globally loved little Von Trapp, his future never took off. He made this shortly after a lengthy stint living in Australia and appearing in a few reasonable teleplays!

Hey, but what can you expect from Director Stelvio Massie who for reasons best known to himself, has helmed productions in many European countries as either himself, Max Steele, Stefano Catalano, Newman Rostel or Dan Edwards, amongst others?

If you thought Stallone's COBRA was less than Oscar material, you just gotta see this!

After blowing away a drug dealer, Lt. Robert Malone (Fred "The Hammer" Williamson) is sent to Manila to cool his easy tempered jets as part of a "deal worked out between our Government and INTERPOL." Naturally, Malone finds himself right in another mess when, minutes after arriving in the Philippines, a pickpocket steals his wallet. Teaming up with INTERPOL agent Kevin McCall (Nicholas Hammond), Malone sets out to find his wallet but gets mixed up with the pickpocket's daughter, a group of crazed terrorists looking for microfilm (aren't they all?) and school children held hostage.

Fans of Fred Williamson might end up hammering their heads against the wall if they check this cheesy Italian buddy cop variation. The film opens with what can only be described as a "unique" chase. Williamson confronts a motorcycle riding drug dealer in a parking garage, chases him down the street to another parking garage, loses him on the Chicago L entry way but finally catches back up to him in another parking garage where Williamson proceeds to nearly blow his head off (the film's best and goriest effect) with his pistol. Yes, more parking garages than you can shake a stick at. Sadly, it is downhill from there. The plot is particularly muddled, containing something about terrorists wanting microfilm (what it contains is never explained) from the pickpocket's daughter Peggy, who naturally isn't aware she has it. For the most part the film follows the clichéd LETHAL WEAPON routine until the end where a bit of DIE HARD is thrown in for good measure.

Regardless of the lack of plot, the film does have an unusual charm. Financed by the Italy based Imagine company, BLACK COBRA 2 provides a few laughs through its dubbing and horrid dialogue. Upon learning of her father's death Peggy reminisces, "I couldn't stand the stories he used to tell me but now how I wish I could hear them again." Later she performs one of the most embarrassing "seductive" musical numbers ever captured on film. And you haven't lived until you see Williamson lured into performing a native Philippine dance ceremony. The last third of the film is probably the best section, with Williamson (who appears to have done all his own stunts) blowing away lots of bad guys to some of the most insane 80s guitar riffs. As always, Williamson is his charismatic, cigar chomping self and carries what little of the film there is. Fans of down and out casting should take note of Nicholas Hammond (Yes, Frederick Von Trapp himself) as Malone's partner.

Malone (Fred Williamson) is back (good gawd!).

The intro/beginning of this film is actually pretty funny. See a crummy car keep up with a Suzuki racing motorcycle looping through a parking garage! See a harrowing 2 MPH motorcycle crash! See the running bad-guy actor slow down to let a winded Williamson catch up to him - several times!

After Malone blasts this evil motorcyclist into oblivion, he gets shipped off to the Philippines until Chicago cools down. Apparently to help Interpol (huh? wha?). At this point the film becomes incomprehensible and boring like BC#1. Malones wallet is pinched, there are some sinister Iranians, microfilm, then there is a surreal hostage taking/rescue which belongs in a DADA performance art happening rather than in an action film.

Fred Williamson is a bit more awake in BC#2 than he is in BC#1. His acting is a little better, more relaxed, more focused. There are more laugh-out-loud lines in this film.

The soundtrack is better than BC#1. Decent Jan Hammer/Miami Vice ripoff sound. The film is also full of whacky 1980's artifacts. Williamson is constantly wears a powder blue Members Only jacket with the sleeves rolled up. Leather pants, The women in the film have some pretty scary haircuts. The sets/props/hair-do's blend seamlessly with the cheese-ball soundtrack.

Even with all the faults, if the pacing was better this could have been a watchable flick. Unfortunately the film is clunky and boaring at points when it needs to be exciting. Worth watching just the goofy intro and then F.F. to some of the more absurdist scenes.

Apparently there is a Black Cobra #3.