- Dib: [commenting on his teacher, Ms. Bitters] Someone said she's existed from time immemorial and they just built the school around her.
- Tak: The great thing about your people Dib is that, most of them don't notice. All they see is another faceless corporate venture! Not a plan for world conquest!
- Dib: Wait, is there really a difference?
- Zim: The Planet Jackers home world orbits a dying star. They throw planets into it like firewood to keep it burning. And now they have the Earth.
- Gir: YAY!
- Zim: No, Gir. That's bad.
- Zim: Do you know what this means?
- Gir: Yes!
- Zim: You don't really do you?
- Gir: [whimpers]
- Zim: It means we won't get to destroy it! Our mission will be a total failure! Imagine the Irken armada showing up and the entire planet is missing!
- Professor Membrane: What's your brother doing this time? He's not trying to raise the dead again, is he? Always with the dead, that boy!
- Gaz: ...He's talking...
- Professor Membrane: Oh, is that all? Daughter, some people like to talk. Your brother likes to talk about insane things! Maybe he'd become less insane if you listened!
- Gaz: But his voice fills me with a terrible rage!
- Professor Membrane: [chuckles] I know it does, honey. I know it does.
- Almighty Tallest Red: So, you're saying the humans are dumb, yet... tall. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? How can anything tall be dumb?
- Almighty Tallest Purple: [With his mouth full] Yeah, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can you imagine, huh? Huh? Huh?
- Dib: [breaks a pencil in half and sticks one half up his nose] Ms. Bitters, I think a pencil is lodged in my brain. Can I go to the nurse?
- Ms. Bitters: How far in your brain?
- Dib: ...pretty far...
- Ms. Bitters: Alright. Take the auxiliary hall pass.
- [Points to a radiator with "HALL PASS" spray painted on it]
- Ms. Bitters: [commenting on the children's fundraising results] Your performances were some of the worst in school history! Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now!
- Kid: Man Dib, you think just because someone looks different you can call them an alien?
- Dib: [out of breath] Sorry... I'm late... horrible nightmare visions!
- Ms. Bitters: It's called life Dib, sit down!
- Dib: [commenting on the school's fundraising video] Why don't they take the money spent on candy and prizes and use it to buy desks?
- Ms. Bitters: That answer wasn't in the video.
- Zim: At the end of this wormhole lies... A ROOM WITH A MOOSE!
- Dib: NOOOO!... wait a minute, did you say a room with a moose?
- Zim: Yes. Your fear is overwhelming, no?
- Dib: ...Um no... What's so scary about a room with a stupid moose in it? I mean, yeah that's a big moose, but really?
- Zim: Oh, I will show you! Prepare your bladder for emanate release!
- Zim: Ms. Bitters, I have a MIGHTY NEED to use the restroom once again.
- Ms. Bitters: Ok, but that's your last restroom break for the rest of the school year!
- Professor Membrane: Kids I'm home!
- [sees Gaz, but not Dib]
- Professor Membrane: Where's your brother?
- Gaz: He's out. Let's go!
- Professor Membrane: No, no! It's family night, that means everyone! If he doesn't get back soon we'll have to put it off till next year!
- Gaz: What about the rest of this year?
- Professor Membrane: Well...
- [contacts his co-worker, Simmons]
- Professor Membrane: Simmons, how does my schedule look for the rest of this year?
- Simmons: Busy Sir! Very busy! Wait! Something just opened up in September! Oh, scratch that it just filled up!
- [hangs up]
- Professor Membrane: No good honey, it has to be today! And I've got a cure to discover at 9:30, so if he doesn't get back soon we'll have to cancel the whole thing!
- Ms. Bitters: As you can see children, our society is nothing more than a parlous house of cards, destined to collapse under it's own weight!
- Krazy Taco Employee: Here's the tacos you ordered. Have a nice day.
- Zim: [throws a wad of cash at Krazy Taco Employee] Shut your noise tube taco human!
- News reporter: How did you know he was an alien?
- Scientist: Well we noticed he had no friends.
- Control Brain: Irken Invader Zim singlehandedly ruined Operation Impending Doom!
- Zim: RUINED? I BLEW UP MORE THAN ANY OTHER INVADER!
- Almighty Tallest Red: YOU BLEW UP ALL THE OTHER INVADERS!
- Zim: [waves his hand in dismissal]
- Control Brain: You will be re-encoded. No longer an Invader, you will forever be banished to the Irken snacking planet of Foodcourtia.
- Zim: Zim needs no vacation!
- Zim: Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!
- Nik: Hey look, there's a binary system. That's a pair of stars orbiting around each other. Ever been to a binary system before?
- Oog-Ah: Mmm...
- Nik: Would it... would it kill you to say something?
- Oog-Ah: Quiet or I'll eat your head. Is that enough words for you?
- Nik: I... I was just making conversation...
- Zim: We cannot fail Gir. For even as a small Irken smeet my dream has been to pass probing day like a Slorbees passes her young - jiggly and full of juice!
- Professor Membrane: Where's your brother?
- Gaz: He's in a pig filled netherworld cleaning out toilets with his head.
- Professor Membrane: [thinks Gaz is joking] Ah! You're my funny child!