Ninja Terminator

This is one of the funniest films I have ever seen. The whole idea that the actors are intending to release a drama/thriller to the kung-fu loving West. I think if it had been released as a comedy it would never have been as funny.

For people that keep saying 'I wish I hadn't seen the dub' there is no movie that isn't the dub. Ho bought bits and pieces of unreleased and uncompleted Asian films, from Chinese, Japanese to Korean and mixed them together, with new shots of Western actors. There is no film other than the dub, besides the poor dubbing adds most of the humour, its one of the funniest aspects... why ruin it.

If anybody has sat down to watch a decent Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee film and thought to themselves 'Hold on, you know what would make this better? Really bad ninja fighting that has little to do with the actual story, a story that makes absolutely no sense, and some of the most random quirkiness ever witnessed on screen, that'd make a GREAT film!' Then Ninja Terminator may be the film for them.

However, if they added to that 'Also, I'd like to see a love scene set to Pink Floyd's Echoes, twice, and perhaps a guy in a blonde wig for no reason at all'. Then 1) Ninja Terminator IS for them and 2) They have uncanny and ultra-specific pre-cognitive powers.

Ninja Terminator takes the whole 'so bad it's good' movie ethos to stratospheric levels, even beyond movies like Troll 2. What works here is the movie that Godfrey Ho is tacking his usual ninja battles onto is just about as crazy as the ninja battles themselves. I swear, there must be a kung fu fight every five minutes or so, each of them getting increasingly stranger until the penultimate fight on the beach (followed only, of course, by the bizarre ninja showdown).

Without going into specifics and spoiling things, I'll make a vague-ish list of what's nuts about this film: 1) Pink Floyd and Tangerine Dream on the soundtrack. 2)Split second ninja costume changes 3) Weird use of children's toys 4) Crabs 5) Pawning jackets 6) Random jacket changes 7) Feet that dig sand 8) Dramatic wig removal 9) etc etc...

I've watched a few of these ninja films so far, and it's by far the greatest one I've seen.

By the way, if you like actual good films, just reverse everything I've said and take it as a warning.

I'm extremely glad to read the other reviews for this film and see that there are others out there that understand just how awesome this film is. My recommendation is that you watch this film with a large group of friends and a chilled crate of beer at the ready; you'll never look back. When I watched it we blasted the volume nearly to full, and while it was kinda painful during the opening scene where a bizarre high-pitched squeal comes out of the mysterious golden case (pulp fiction anyone?!!) it soon became a mind blowing experience. THX or DTS this is not, but man does it pack a punch. In terms of scenes I was especially fond of the extremely long shot of the gravestone and bank of grass while the two characters explained the storyline. First class. The red ninja trying to jump Harry in his apartment is legendary - he just appears in his cameo ninja suit and mascara instantly and kicks serious ass. Jaguar Wong was also a treble hard bastard. I'd miss-heard his name and thought it was Jaguar One so when I asked my friend where Jaguar Two was near the end I felt like a bit of a moron. Still, I wish Jaguar Wong was my dad.

THIS FILM IS PURE CLASS

jaguar wong is the baddest dude ever. He's got more style than Cary Grant and Wes Anderson. Here, Jaguar Wong destroys the entire syndicate that consists of a Chinese guy in a blonde bob wig with his half assed fighting crew. Worst thing to ever do is rip another guys suit. Richard Harris also wears mascara and a camo ninja suit. The film begins with the most strange ritual that is run by a fat guy (also with mascara) wearing a red ninja suit laughing out of control while his students hit his arm with their ninja swords. He's protected by the Golden Ninja Warrior.

COMEDY

I really can't be bothered to write too much on this movie, as I have an essay to do and must get to it. Anyway suffice to say it's one of the third rate Ninja films with horrifically unoriginal plots and unintentionally hilarious characters. There is some sort of battle for the Golden Ninja warrior, something which makes you impervious to being struck with a Ninja's blade, until the end of the film, that is, where it suddenly and inexplicably wears off. There is a subplot where bubble-gum chewing, "YOU BROKE MY JACKET" copper Jaguar Wong kicks seven bills out of one of the head honcho's minions, all the while trying to get back together with an old flame of his. In one memorable bond like scenes, wong shows how suave he is by forcing himself upon her and unleashing the spearmint gum flavour into her mouth, whereupon she falls in love with him again and they coppulate ferociously. You know how it goes. Read the back of the DVD if you own it, prefferably before watching the movie, that way you can fall on the floor laughing over the disturbing amount of spelling mistakes that can be found, my personal favourite being "Three" spelt with a third E on the end. Priceless. Other humuorous points about this film include an asian big cheese with a puffy blonde wig, a Ninja dressed in a Vietnam Uniform, and a Ninja that looks uncanily like a younger version of Rock-God Ozzie Osbourne...although by far the two best moments are when Nam-Ninja hears a ring and picks up his Garfield phone to talk to Wong...and when Mister Wong hurls one of the wimps he fights into his own Car window despite the fact that the enemies car is parked directly along side it. If your depressed, you need to watch this, it's prozac on screen.