भाव

Love Stinks

Chelsea: All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.
Seth: If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?
Chelsea: I am NOT in denial.

Seth: You've put me off women. I'm gay now. And not just a little gay-full on, Liberace gay.

Chelsea: [Sleeping in bed with Seth, he farts and the pets disperse] Ugh, you are such a pig!
Seth: Oh... man, I am so sorry! You know I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes...
[farts loudly]
Seth: OH!...
Chelsea: [simultaneously] EWWW! Ew! Ew!
Seth: Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because, I feel like I'm past the worst of it, and I need some cuddle-time - Oh, wait, no, I was wrong. Incoming!
[farts]
Seth: OH!...
Chelsea: [simultaneously] Ugh, you're sick! Ew!
Seth: My goodness! Keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
[farts rapidly, four times]
Seth: Oh man! I've got skills! I've got game! Ah... mmmm - oh!
[farts loudly]
Seth: Ole!

Seth: [in the shower] Oh my God! My hair is falling out!
Chelsea: You know stress will do that to ya!
Seth: Holy shit! It's really falling out!
[hair begins to fall out rapidly]
Seth: Oh my God! AHHH! OH! OOOHH!
[steps out of shower and looks into mirror]
Seth: AHHHHHHHHHHH! What did you do to me?
Chelsea: I didn't do anything! You must have used my hair remover instead of your conditioner
Seth: Noo! YOU PUT SOME IN THERE TO FUCK WITH ME!
Chelsea: No, I didn't! I swear!
Seth: Ooooohhhhh you are the fuckin' devil! THE DEVIL!

Holly: We're going to go over strategy. Now, remember, Chelsea, it took me three breakups, seven ultimatums, and God knows how many not-so-thinly veiled threats before Larry coughed up this ring.
Chelsea: Oooh. Okay, whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry that man.

[on phone answering machine]
Seth: If you have a message for me leave it after the beep and if you have a message for Chelsea then you REALLY HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF WHY.

Rebecca Melini: [after a script reading] What the fuck is happening to my character? Every week she's getting bitchier and more desperate. Who thinks this is funny?
[other writers look at Seth]
Seth: I find that all the best humor comes from life.
Rebecca Melini: Not your life.
Jesse Travis: Yeah, you better fix this shit. 'Cause your fucked-up life is fucking up my show. Ratings are going down, my personal TVQ is going down and worst of all, Seth, the quality of my babes is going down.
Larry Garnett: You're not mad at me, though, right?

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