666 moh gwai fuk wut

Now Hong Kong action movies are my one true cinematic blind spot, so I approached 'Satan Returns' with trepidation. I thought I would give it a look as it seemed it might be a slightly offbeat mix of Woo/Lam style cops'n'chops with a supernatural thriller theme. While I ended up hating this movie a lot less than I expected I still found it to be silly in the extreme, and pretty tiresome overall. The plot is incoherent nonsense about a religious nut called Judas attempting to find the Devil's daughter, and makes no real sense whatsoever. The only thing that kept me watching this to the very end was the the lovely Chingmy Yau of 'Naked Killer' fame, and some of the unintentionally funny sub-titles. Apart from that there isn't all that much to recommend this movie, and beware, the 'Se7en' comparisons are way off base, and extremely misleading.

Satan Returns ("starring the babe from Naked Killer!" screams the tag-line) is very clearly modelled on Se7en: the dark, jumpy look-and-feel is faithfully reproduced. At one point, a character suggests that the killer has "seen Se7en". But the similarity ends there. Satan Returns is a film that could only ever be produced in Hong Kong: it is a demonic thriller featuring kung-fu, gunfights, sex, zombies, and the kitchen sink. It's all very entertaining (although ludicrous) stuff. At times, it even manages to be scary. See it to believe it.

One of the worst movies I have ever watched. I tried to be lenient and give it a go but boy did I regret it. It is an absolute anti-climactic dog crap waste of time . Do not spend a single second watching this pure concentrated low quality garbage.

One of the worst movies I have ever watched. I tried to be lenient and give it a go but boy did I regret it. It is an absolute anti-climactic dog crap waste of time . Do not spend a single second watching this pure concentrated low quality garbage.

One of the worst movies I have ever watched. I tried to be lenient and give it a go but boy did I regret it. It is an absolute anti-climactic dog crap waste of time . Do not spend a single second watching this pure concentrated low quality garbage.

"Satan Returns" was actually a better movie and a better experience than I had anticipated it to be, as Hong Kong cinema are not really famous for their supernatural thrillers. Much less a supernatural thriller with Donnie Yen on the cast list.

The story is about a satanic zealot named Judas (played by Francis Ng) who is killing women in his search to find Satan's daughter. And hot on his trail are the police with Mo Tin Nam (played by Donnie Yen) and Ka-Ming (played by Chi Wah Wong) leading the investigation. And Judas's next target is Chan Shou-Ching (played by Chingmy Yau).

I will say that it was nice to see a story like this from the Hong Kong cinema vault, and they actually pulled it off well enough, despite the story being sort of religious rubbish. But still, it is only entertainment, and in that aspect it worked out well enough. Sadly, though, then the movie wasn't particularly thrilling or fascinating, it was downright predictable.

The movie had some really good names to the cast list. And it was nice to see Chingmy Yau stand out from that semi-erotic shadow of "Naked Killer" that she have been casting for a long, long time. It was sort of odd actually to see Donnie Yen in a movie of this type, as it is not normally what he makes. And the movie was really carried by Francis Ng's performance, and he really outclassed Donnie Yen acting-wise by miles.

If you are fed up with the typical action movies that comes from Hong Kong and enjoy supernatural thrillers, then "Satan Returns" might be right what you are looking for. Just bear in mind that the movie is predictable and sort of fails be build up much excitement and thrills.

And as for the title of the movie, "Satan Returns", what was up with that? Where did he return from? Vacationing? But more importantly, he didn't return to make an appearance in this movie.

For this supernatural serial killer flick, director Lun Ah not only adopts the grainy, rain-soaked style of David Fincher's Se7en (a big box-office hit the previous year), but also applies every clichéd technique available to him in the Hong Kong film-makers' bag of tricks. However, no amount of blue lighting, swirling smoke, slow-motion action, canted framing, and fluttering fabric can disguise the fact that Satan Returns is a cheaply produced, poorly considered piece of garbage that not even the presence of Hong Kong hottie Chingamy 'Naked Killer' Yau and top martial arts actor Donnie Yen can save from failure.

The plot, from the pen of prolific writer/producer Wong Jing, sees a murderer named Judas abducting women born on the 6th June 1969 and removing their hearts to see if they are the daughter of the devil (apparently, having no heart makes little difference to a spawn of Satan). Whilst this silly story does allow for the occasional scene of light gore and unimpressive action, the focus of the film is on dull police procedure infused with lame comedy. Only towards the end of the film, do proceedings get a little livelier with the introduction of a couple of zombie cops and a touch of power tool mayhem, but by then it's definitely a case of 'too little, too late'.

A touch more madness throughout, a couple of decent moments of tension, and a lot more gore certainly would've helped matters immeasurably, but as far as I am concerned, the key to success was under the director's nose all along: if he had made better use of Yau's smouldering sexuality (the only time she gets really horny, it is way too literal!), and hadn't allowed poor choreography and bad editing to prevent Yen from successfully displaying his awesome fighting skills, then Satan Returns would have been a whole lot more entertaining.