Shadow Warriors II: Hunt for the Death Merchant

To sum everything up: the inexplicably popular Hulk Hogan, washed-up can't-believe-it's-not-porno star Shannon Tweed, Apollo Creed, the cop from "Last House" (who was cool before I saw this) and some other guy who is cleaning up vomit at Wal-Mart while you read this shoot for hours and hours and hours from open spaces without getting a scratch. Usually writers try to make it remotely believable by having one guy shot in the arm or something like that but no, none of that for the indestructible Hulk Hogan. There's just something bothering me about Hulk Hogan being surrounded by twenty guys and just shooting them one by one with his painfully slow moves. It's a way-too-common trend in action flicks that villains with machine guns who are off-screen immediately stop existing. At least Seagal hides behind a crate or something. It's also pretty hilarious how none of the people who get shot appear to bleed, they just fall down. It looks like a bunch of kids playing cowboy and Indian. For people who think wrestling(which in Hogan's case, is not a lot more than soft punching) is real.

My friends and I just love to rent "bad" movies (good "bad" movies mind you) and watch them a'la MST3K. This is by far one of the best ones on Earth. If you rent this for anything other than a laugh you are a complete idiot. It has crappy plot, the action is just stupid (it's a chuck norris type of running in with a gun and killing a million people) and the acting...well let me just say "Hulk" and "good acting" should never be in the same sentence, nay the same PARAGRAPH.

If you have some quick witted friends and want to make fun of a movie you can not go wrong with this movie. I loved how it started out for pure BEATING (a word we used quite often to refer to mr. Hulk) value. They were on a mission to get a girl, Hulk beat some stuff, some guys shot at them, Shannon Tweed (we used the word "softcore" a lot when referring to her) got in a badly choreographed cat fight (note: I loved the scene where she was choking and she had no expression on her face...I'm sure they got her for her acting ability really).

This movie ranks up there with Ninja Vs. Mafia (although Ninja Vs. Mafia is still THE BEST.

The only point of interest in this film, for me at least, was the presence of Shannon Tweed. Aging like fine wine and kicking a$$ with grace, she proves once again that she had definite "action heroine" potential that could have taken her career in a totally different path, if she had chosen to go that way. Carl Weathers also emerges with his dignity intact. But what else is there for us to see? Hulk Hogan "haunted" by flashbacks of his traumatic past, in a role way beyond his reach? The heroes never getting shot in the gunfights despite the fact that they rarely bother to take cover? The all-American nut Martin Kove yelling "Yi-Ha!" while mowing down dozens of evil Arabs? Um, no thank you, I'll take Tweed. Too bad she's too old now to make another action movie. (**)

Hulk saves the world, yet again. Like all of Hulk Hogans movies this is in the so bad it's good category. Naturally I wouldn't say that to his face. The one thing that stops this movie from excelling in that category though is that it has quite a few really revolting bits in it. For example, the fact that every single baddie of the two unconnected plots is a foreigner and every one of the morally good people is American.

There's little point in pointing out odd behaviour by the characters or plot inconsistencies in a movie like this, but I will anyway. In the first plot, which really is just a filler because they didn't manage to pad out the 2nd plot to last for more than an hour, the good guys need to rescue a little girl who's been kidnapped by her Austrian dad from his American wife. The Austrian turns out to be majorly wealthy, but a foreigner so he deserves all that he gets, like having about 15 of his life guards shot while Hulk and the team rescue the little girl. A bit over the top or what? This plot also serves the film makers with an excellent opportunity to show as much cleavage as possible. This is achieved by having Shannon Tweed, disguised as a guest, sneak into the exclusive party the little girl's dad is holding at his estate. She gets to wear a necklace with a camera hidden inside so her necklace and of course her cleavage are shown in close up's a number of times. Pure genius.

A common trait for really bad movies like this is the way Mister Evil's henchmen are disposed off. Naturally they're positioned all over the building but one single punch ALWAYS knocks them out cold, never to return to action for the rest of the movie. Unless of course there's a fight scene needed, then the baddies get hit over and over again before they finally get knocked out. Similarly, the baddies can fire machine gun rounds after rounds at the good guys without a single hit while the good guys need one single shot to dispose of entire armies. Unless the baddie has had a bit of screen time, then he'll be much harder to kill. Also, like in all bad action movies, either the number one or number two baddie will be totally cruel and evil when he's got the good guy tied up but will become a shivering coward once the roles are reversed.

I don't know, I'm probably not who this movie is marketed at (I shudder to think of the target audience) but I'd find it much more interesting if the baddies actually had a reason to be evil. They're always evil for no reason which makes them cartoon characters. But then, every single character in this movie is a cartoon character.

So, in conclusion. Good for a chuckle but not really a truly good, bad film.

I wasn't sure what to exspect from this movie, but I like Navy SEALs. Hogan impressed me with this role. All this movie needed was a little tweeking to make it a kick ass flick. Some of the scenes were a little much. Example: Hogan attacking a terrorist camp alone with a gun in each hand. They needed to get Richard Marcinko the "Rogue Warrior" to be tech adviser. Hogan's character seems to want to be like Marcinko but just can't make it. However I did like this flick and would like to find the first movie to compare them. It was a worth while rental.