Final Voyage

How to make a bad action/adventure flick:

Step one:

Take out all of the ingredients that made Die Hard and Speed good movies (character development, plot twists, etc).

Step two:

Hire a list of completely untalented, unknown actors and then tell them to overact in typical Shatner conviction (only not as amusing and intelligible).

Step three:

Throw in typical terrorist plot (in this case, 12 terrorists take over a HUGE ocean liner (don't know how they could take over a place with around 250-1000 people) who want money in the vault when they could just rob a bank

Step four:

Throw in a couple annoyingly stupid characters

Step five:

Take out things like choreography, bullet dodging, or anything that would make someone watch an action movies

Step six:

Make sure to include totally one-dimensional characters

And the result in one hella bad, boring movie. It sure wouldn't be hard to make a good action movie, even include a little joke or something, but the filmmakers took all of the ways to make a good movie and did the opposite. There is absolutely no way I can recommend this mediocre piece of shazbot (sorry).

If you see it in a store, warn people of it's presence and tell them not to be fooled by Ice-T's presence in the flick (even Mean Guns is better than this tripe).

1 out of 10.

This movie is poorly made, and also has nothing fresh or new to add. This movie was already done, and better i might add, in both Under Siege and Speed 2.

I also think Ice-T should never act in a movie again, if you can call what he does acting.

FINAL VOYAGE is a hilarious DIE HARD-on-a-ship type film that comes to us courtesy of Z-grade movie specialist Jim Wynorski. This one throws a mixed cast into a story that happily copies the likes of UNDER SIEGE et al with the only difference that this is a B-movie through and through; expect trite dialogue and wooden acting throughout. Plus any large-budget scene is typically stock footage stolen from an older and better movie.

The film's unorthodox hero is Dylan Walsh, playing a bodyguard caught up in a hostage situation. Walsh is best known for playing geeky scientist types in the likes of CONGO so his heroic turn here is a little odd. He's given support by Ice-T, playing himself as always, as the chief bad guy, and Claudia Christian as a memorably hot femme fatale. Erika Eleniak plays EXACTLY the same role as she did in UNDER SIEGE except without the nudity. Stephen Macht is the ship's captain and the hulking Michael Bailey Smith one of the henchmen.

It says something about Wynorski's talents as a director that I can call this one of his better films despite it being low par throughout. At least the pacing is fast and the action scenes are fun if laughable, so you can sit back and enjoy the cheese. It also helps that I have a high tolerance for DIE HARD rip-offs so it doesn't take much to entertain me. There's no denying that FINAL VOYAGE is a cheap and cheesy film though.

HMS Britannic was sunk during world war 2 so how this film is set on it is beyond me. However, the plot, acting etc. belong at the bottom of the sea. The bad guys are very BAD. Ice T is pathetic. It looks like it was filmed in a power station somewhere. Avoid. Unless you like unintentionally bad movies.

Gloria (Erika Eleniak) is a rich man's daughter and, therefore, requires a bodyguard. Since she is just a tad ornery, the security men come and go. Aaron (Dylan Walsh), who used to guard an aging Hollywood leading lady (Barbara Eden), has just been hired by Gloria's father to watch over his gorgeous, young offspring. Things do not get off to a good start when Gloria takes Aaron on a private plane ride and they narrowly miss crashing the aircraft. But, more excitement is around the corner. Gloria insists on taking a cruise on a refurbished old ship, The Queen Mary, where all of the beautiful people will be. Aaron, who "hates to travel", is unhappy about the trip yet, he must go along. On the vessel, also, is the wealthy businessman who provided the funds to spruce up the ship, as well as a hotshot football player and a lovely television journalist, who has a past with Aaron. But, wait, that's not the whole guest list! A terrorist thug named Josef (Ice T), his tough-as-nails girlfriend, Max (Claudia Christian) and his gang are on board, too, to steal the jewels and artwork that some of the passengers put in the ship's safe, since they couldn't sail off without their Van Goghs! Josef has a plan and a large arsenal of weapons. Will he succeed in carrying out his pilfering, without damaging the ship, of course? This is just a terrible film that sinks and stinks, from the first moment to the last. That is not to say the nice cast, including the good-looking Walsh, the lovely Eleniak, and the sullen Ice-T don't try to breathe life into the thing....they do try. But, not enough. The script is one abysmal cliché after another and the direction and editing are horrible, too. All right, the costumes are fine, are you happy? Especially so is the hot little blue number Eleniak wears through most of the second half. Therefore, if you are a fan of any of the cast members, you are certainly within your rights to rent this film. Why not show the movie at a gathering of couples, where everyone can laugh, jeer, and throw things at the screen? It would certainly make for an "alternative" party experience.