The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer

Back in 1998, I was present for the taping of an episode of The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer. Thankfully, I'd managed to block it from memory ever since. But something this evening brought it to mind and, unable to remember the name, I found myself entering "abraham lincoln sitcom" into Google.

Kinda wish I'd let that sleeping dog lie.

I have to say, I don't understand the defense of the show. There are those who will tell you that the show was canceled because it was too controversial. Those people are fooling themselves. The problem wasn't that the show was racially insensitive. The problem wasn't that it was irreverent. The problem wasn't that it was juvenile. The problem wasn't that it was raunchy. It was all of these things, but there are plenty of drop dead funny shows that encompass all of the above.

The problem was that it was painfully, painfully, PAINFULLY unfunny.

You know the scene in Swingers when Mikey just can't put the damn phone down, and with every message you bury your head deeper in your hands, your skin crawls and your stomach churns as you watch this poor guy surrender, bit by bit, every last shred of dignity he's ever possessed? That's how I felt for the cast. Desmond Pfeiffer wasn't broad, ironic or self-aware. That set was where broad, ironic and self-aware went to die. It was beyond unfunny. It was negative funny. All the funny things I'd seen in the month preceding and two months following the taping? Completely negated and rendered unfunny by Desmond Pfeiffer. Rehashing the same old tired, overused, unfunny sex jokes in a different setting doesn't make them fresh and amusing. And it doesn't help matters when the show is convinced -- CONVINCED -- that it's absolutely hysterical.

The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer is the annoying, drunken lout at the party who belts out the one about the farmer's daughters that you've heard at least 127 times (screwing up the punchline, no less), but who's convinced his retelling is a work of comic genius because he's smashed and he's wearing a lampshade on his head. It's not funny. It's just hard to watch.

Now, since I haven't seen every show that ever aired on network T.V., I won't say its the worst show ever, but its one of the worst I ever saw. I was eating dinner at my mothers house the night this show had its debut and quickly ate my dinner so I could go in her living room and see if it was as bad as the reviewer in the New York Post said it was. Well it was. The shows humor was crude, crass, and childish. Set during the civil war the show depicts president Lincon and his generals and staff as bunch of lunatics more obsessed with sex than carrying on with the important nations business at hand. Only during the Clinton administration could anyone come up with an idea as vulgar as this. The shows portrayal of Mary Todd Lincon as a neurotic nymphomaniac demonstrates the levels the creators of this show could sink to.

The fact that this show only lasted a few episodes shows the American viewing public still has some taste.

Sure this wasn't the greatest show on TV, but it seemed that those opposed to it (because of it "racial insensitivity") just wanted to get TV air time. The sole African American character (Chi McBride) the most intelligent! And the show tried to to meld well-worn characters into modern (albeit crude) comedy. By contrast the newer "Still Standing" (with Jami Gertz) is TOTALLY unfunny, and even rips off entire scenes (and plot lines) from another unfunny "hit" show ("Yes, Dear"). Maybe it's because I like history, but I can't believe this was off the air faster than any of those endless "Friends" clones.

Not only was this show stupid and insulting to everyone involved, it was a dreadful concept for a comedy. One could make a fascinating story about the black slaves and free servants that worked in the Executive mansion, a kind of "West Wing" mixed with "Upstairs Downstairs," but rather than doing that, the producers decided to go with a low brow yuk fest that was both historically inaccurate and not at all funny. Given that it was set at one of the most stressful times in American history, a period in which decisions were made that set the course for everything that came afterward in the USA, one could do a satire of contemporary morals and cultural beliefs that would be both enlightening and humorous; but that was not what we got in this show. What the producers delivered was leering juvenile jokes about horny wives, stupid politicians and funny slavery. The show lasted less than a season, and that was still too long.

"The Secret Diaries of Desmond Pfieffer" was a television show that, sadly, only lasted for four weeks, during which the show and its premise was constantly derided and mocked by the media and largely ignored by the television viewing public.

True, a sitcom about Abraham Lincoln's sarcastic black butler sounds silly, and it is, but luckily the show carried a sense of self-awareness. Despite one atrocious episode (in which the drunken Ulysses S. Grant faces down his bowling demons) the show 's remaining three were not pitifully stupid, as some folks would have you believe.

The cast was top notch: Chi MacBride (who was Cyrus in Peter Jackson's under-rated "The Frighteners") is simply superb as the title character: A dignified and intelligent overwieght black man, truly a rarity among prime-time role models. Max Baker was the image of perfection as Nibblet, the inbred indentured servant, and Dan Florik was suitable as the Bill Clinton-meets-Gerald Ford Lincoln.

The show isn't perfect, though. Many jokes fall flat, and the woman playing Mrs. Lincoln is quite annoying.

But the show had its moments, as evidenced in the episode in which Desmond, Nibblet, and Lincoln are stranded behind Confederate Lines. Desmond has convinced the Southern soldiers that he is, in fact, a white Confederate spy disguised as a black Northern free slave. One Southerner inquirers, "It must be awfully hard on you to even temporarily go through life as a Negro."

To which Desmond replies "Oh, it hasn't been that bad. I have been able to get a lot more white women!"

It will be missed.