Beach Movie

I passed out on the couch one night and when I woke up THIS was on cable TV, so I watched it out of the sheer incredulity that anyone would actually remake "Hardbodies" minus the sex and most of the nudity. What you have left is the sorry tale of three middle-aged losers who are being taught how to "pull chicks" by two idiot California surf-dudes (who seem to be channeling the restless, undead spirits of Bill and Ted and the entire male cast of "Saved by the Bell"). What's really pathetic is that this movie actually features some name actors. Bronson Pinchot and Loretta Swit actually appear together in one of those horribly cliched bouncing-car sex scenes (in Iran they have filmmakers shot for putting such scenes in their movies--or at least they ought to). And speaking of people who really should be shot--how about Gabrielle Anwar's agent? This tres gorgeous actress who put the "scent" in "Scent of a Woman" only a few years ago is now appearing in THIS. And while she may look great in a bikini and rose-petal pasties (don't ask), it is definitely not worth subjecting yourself to this movie.

I didn't expect much. The concept alone sounded ridiculous, but I figured there might be some cheap laughs. Sadly there wasn't even A cheap laugh. Three losers trying to get laid, a rather dim surfer, a not so witty sidekick, and some chicks that the director picked up off the beach, makes for a very weak film. I knew this was a film you don't take seriously but there are limits. This is cringeworthy!!! This film feeds off every single stereotype of surfing, and this generations group of young people, which apparently is funny or cool - i'm still trying to figure out. Watch paint dry instead. 1/10

Yes it is a blatant ripoff of "Hardbodies". However, I suspect the producer of Boardheads correctly calculated the target audience for his movie was still in diapers when Hardbodies came out. Not to mention that no self respecting Gen Z-er is going to watch a movie made in 1984. They'll choose modern dreck over old dreck just as surely as the tasties/hardbodies in both movies reject the old guys hitting on them. OK, so I've got to get to ten lines or my review gets rejected. Well I guess I could point out that the girls in Hardbodies were better looking. Maybe that means starlets these days have more choice over what roles they have to take. But I don't think so. Maybe Hardbodies had a bigger budget and could attract better looking starlets. Or maybe since I'm a baby boomer I just like the look of girls from the 80s.

This movie is one of the best comedies I've ever seen. Think Bachelor Party meets Son of the Beach. The acting is top notch. The only problem is that it is only 90 minutes long. The premise easily justifies a four hour epic, or maybe even a trilogy. It's sad that the only directing work John Quinn can get nowadays is filming Playboy casting calls. His talent is far too great for him to be pigeonholed in this manner. I pray that in the future he will be given funding to do what he does best: making groundbreaking comedy masterpieces. And don't think I'm forgetting the incredible cast. Loretta Swit puts in one of her finest performance as the horny landlord, and Bronson Pinchot's brilliant, imaginative portrayal of Ronald was a joy to watch.

I picked this movie up in the Walmart $5 bin as a present for a friend. I couldn't help myself and I opened it and watched it. This has to be one of the hardest movies to sit through ever. The only good part is random nudity, but it doesn't make up for the crime that the producer committed against the viewer. Painfully bad to watch. I thought I might get some cheap laughs from it, like the laughs you get from watching Point Break. I just felt insulted. I normally think it's funny when someone tries to create the surfer lifestyle and completely screws it up. This is just sad. I don't believe that any of the characters surf at all in this movie.