The Next Best Thing

Oh dear.

Don't get me wrong, I love Madonna as a singer and a bloody good one she is too. And she was good in Evita. But no matter how hard she tries she is still Madonna, and as 'Abbie' in this travesty of a film, she proves that she really should stick to the day job (i.e - singing)

I'm trying to be constructive, but this film is truly apalling. Admittedly, Rupert and Madonna are hindered by one of the worst, most hackneyed screen plays I have heard in many a year. Hear are just a few snippets of the trite, contrived, cliched dialogue:

"Being a parent takes more that DNA!!"

"I take sick companies and make them well"

"I miss him. He was totally me!"

The use of gay stereotypes is utterly apalling (I would be outraged if I were a gay man) the plot is dull and the characters are so thinly developed that there is no room for empathy. We learn next to nothing about the character of Abbie (nor do we care) and Rupert's Robert is simply a gay stereotype - I can't believe that he read the script and then agreed to accept the part. Perhaps he was feeling under the weather at the time and his judgement was impaired. Whatever the case, by the time the brat of a kid has his fate decided, you really could not care less what happened to him, Rupert or Madonna. All that stopped me hitting the fast forward button at regular intervals, was the unintentional, self parodic hilarity of this film. A prime example being the impromptu performance of 'American Pie' around the grave of one of the bloke's boyfriend's. Supposedly a poignant touch, this is unintentionally hilarious and has to be seen to be believed.

Avoid it at all costs, unless you have a fondness for seriously bad films, unintentional, self parodic humour, wooden, over-the-top acting, a wafer thin plot, characters who are little more than stereotypes and contrived dialogue. Need I go on?

Madonna plays a women let down by one man too many. In a night of drunken excess, she sleep with her best friend - who happens to be gay. She is pregnant as a result and they decide to set up home as a family, remaining best friends as they take on the joint responsibilities of parenthood. Things get complicated as Madonna's character falls in love with a new suitor. Probably the most PC movie of the year. If any of the subject matter interests you, and especially if you like Madonna, go and see it. If well-told stories about nice gay men and children leave you cold, forget it. This doesn't take the Mickey out of gay people, neither does it sacrifice by way of caricature or cheesiness. Instead it raises real social questions about rights and responsibilities towards children, and without preaching.

I don't get it. The movie has a fairly good plot, phenomenal actors (okay, with the exception of Madonna) and an award-winning director. So why did it come out so flat and two-dimensional? Come on now... we can't blame it all on Madonna.

I was really looking forward to the release of this movie, but was so disappointed after viewing it. I think Madonna was great in "Body of Evidence" and "Who's That Girl?" is one of my favorite madcap comedies. But she just doesn't seem to bring any warmth to her character at all and let's face it -- her acting in this movie was about exciting as plain oatmeal. The other actors were great.

The writing leaves a bit to be desired in more than a few places. I think they could have handled it better, made it warmer in a lot of areas. I guess that and placing Madonna as the lead character hurt what could have been a sensitive and entertaining film.

I had high hopes for this -- really, I did. I thought it would be a sweet, charming and tugging-at-the-heartstrings comedy. But I was TOO hopeful.

Story in one sentence: two best friends (one gay, one straight) end up in bed together, have a son, raise him together, everything hunky-dory until she wants to marry someone else and the little family gets screwed up.

Let's talk about what's the worst: the script, hands down. Everything is so spliced in or cut out it's just terrible. The transitions are so choppy, that we barely have enough time to understand the undeveloped characters -- they're just thrown at us and next thing you know, it's years later. It's unrealistic and it's too fictional to really understand or get into. Madonna is suffering from never finding Mr. Right, Rupert is the gay buddy that "somewhat" turns into the bad guy and poor Benjamin is just caught in the middle. We don't know WHO to hate in this movie -- that's pretty much the hard part. Everyone is in the bad guy role, they just don't fit it due to the fact they all need sympathy.

As for Madonna, yes, it's obvious she took lessons. The problem would be that she is way too conscious of the camera. Her husband commented once that she needs to let the director direct -- and I think that's a huge problem with her performance. She is just "too beautiful" in this movie. I mean, she's supposed to be sobbing her eyes out and she looks up and is all glistening and pretty. Sorry, but in order for me to believe her I want to see it on her face that she's worried -- you know, red eyes, puffy cheeks, smeared makeup -- the works. Madonna had too much creative control in this and it's obvious. Her expressions don't fit her tone of voice either; she seems to blink consciously and doesn't have much expression -- but hey, close your eyes and listen to her and you'll see that she's making progress.

All in all, a good storyline put to a bad script and bad performances. Anyone who tells you this is a great movie is obviously a star-struck Madonna fan.

This movie is really a sleeper. I can see why people who watch it expecting a campy fiasco like Madonna made with Sean Penn would be disappointed or even p.o.'d. I avoided it for 9 years just on principle. In fact, during the first few minutes when I accidentally caught it on TV, I kept thinking, "Who is this actress who looks so much like Madonna but who can ACT????" This is really REALLY not a romantic comedy, no matter how light and funny it is initially. It is a more serious than usual role for both Madonna and Rupert Everett, and they both did very well. It is touching and funny, and might have suffered 9 years ago because the viewing public was not ready for the very realistic portrayal of these complicated questions about who is really "family" and why.