They Bite

This movie is obviously somewhat derivative of the 80's Roger Corman classic "Humanoids from the Deep". But then that movie back in its day was excoriated for being a derivative, sexed-up version of "Creature from the Black Lagoon". I kind of liked this just because it was a fun movie with a genuinely independent feel to it, not just another cynical effort to make an intentional "cult" movie (the 90's were lousy with such efforts by hacks like Jim Wynorski and David DeCouteau). The movie also anticipates the kind of 90's reflexive filmmaking represented by "Scream" in that the characters in the movie have themselves watched horror movies. A porn filmmaking crew in the movie become aware of an invasion of humanoid fish monsters (after their mail gets mixed up with that of a female marine biologist) and decide to take advantage of it by making an XXX movie-within-the-movie called "Invasion of the Fish F**kers". This movie kinda reminds of another pre-"Scream" 90's independent film called "There's Nothing Out There", and like that one it remains relegated to out-of-print VHS while any number of much lesser 90's Wynorski/DeCouteau-type crap flicks are available on DVD and Blu-Ray today.

Brett Piper is an interesting filmmaker. He's decidedly "b-movie" with a long string of credits like "Draniac" or "The Screaming Dead", but he seems to have a genuine love of "b-movie" filmmaking rather than a cynical attitude of "let's make a cheap-ass 'cult' film with as little money as possible while laughing all the way to the bank." Obviously, there is a lot of nudity here by 90's softcore actresses, Cristina Veronica and Blake Pickett, and Playboy Playmate Susie Owens (who has an infamous vagina dentata scene, which was completely edited out of the "R-rated" version, but was actually completely irrelevant to the plot anyway, and was only grafted on at the behest of the producers). But this is the rare 90's exploitation movie that might actually be entertaining even WITHOUT the gratuitous female nudity. Interestingly, most recognizable "star" here is no doubt XXX actor Ron Jeremy (before he was regularly being cast in low-budget mainstream films). Thank god he keeps HIS clothes on though--I'd rather watch the girls being assaulted by scaly fish monsters!

While the 2 filming locations may be correct, they left off two of the main locations. One of those is Apalachicola, Florida and the other Indian Pass, Florida.

If you're of the opinion that Roger Corman's Humanoids From The Deep didn't have enough tits in it, then Brett Piper's They Bite is the film for you. Piper's film was clearly made on a fraction of the budget of the Corman movie, but attempts to make up for its cheapness by delivering as many bare breasts as possible.

Like Humanoids, They Bite sees mutant fish monsters emerging from the sea to attack people (mostly women with big tits); ichthyologist/tabloid reporter Melody Duncan (Donna Frotscher) teams up with porno director Mel Duncan (Nick Baldasare) and his team to try and get to the bottom of things.

Melding B-movie monster nonsense with sci-fi, They Bite is not quite as unwatchable as I had imagined: there's the aforementioned boobs to keep one amused, but the characters are also fun, the pace is decent, and the fish-mutant action is entertaining for those who don't mind cheap men-in-rubber-suit monsters (although I wish Piper had spent some of what little money he had on gore).

5.5/10, rounded down to 5 for the presence of dodgy podgy imprisoned pornstar Ron Jeremy, who plays one of the adult film crew.

Back in 1980 a remarkably entertaining b-movie was released called Humanoids From the Deep, it was a really enjoyable tale about fishmen preying on the towns people. In 1996 it was remade and was really quite poor, well the same year they made this which is essentially a parody of them and it's no better than the remake.

You see it tells essentially the same story but with tweaks, but more comedy. Trouble is there isn't enough comedy to get past the movies overwhelming volume of flaws.

Starring porn industry legend Ron Jeremy (Looking oddly trim) we see less of the creatures than we'd perhaps like to due to I can only assume their restricted budget. To make up for this we'd have needed a lot of laughs and a great script but alas we lack both.

Sure I laughed a couple of times, but literally a couple of times across the movies 90 minutes running time! It's just not funny enough, the horror element is entirely absent and quite frankly a lot of it is just plain ugly.

Jeremy is great, our leading lady who has this movie and this movie alone on her resume was great also but beyond them the movie brings nothing to the table except lashings of boobs!

The Good:

A few good cast members

A couple of laughs

The Bad:

Low budget shows

Not enough comedy to justify the runtime

Hardly a "Parody"

This flick is really obscure to find. It never had a proper release on DVD or Blu Ray, to be honest, even on VHS it's a tough one to possess. Is it worth the search, honestly it isn't because it's an ultra low budget horror and it shows in the effects.

But that I could dig because not all low budgets are that bad. But here there isn't almost no horror. The beginning do offer some creepy moments but the tone is set because before the victim (voluptous blond) got killed she strips before the camera. And that is what it's all about.

The story is all about shooting a porn flick and there are a lot of misunderstandings which should make it a comedy but face it, it's full of gratuitous nudity and the story isn't that strong after all. It's only towards the end that the critters com in but by then it's all too late to save this flick.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 2/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0,5/5