- Dave: Do you have my favorite song, "The Burping Chili Man"? It's by a band called Dave and the Chili-Burpers.
- Dave: OK, here's a game called One Potato Two. 'One potato, two potato, three potato four. Five potato, six potato, seven potato or...thirteen tomatoes, one potato sitting by my bathroom door...'
- Hern Burferd: I don't want that. I want the kind of woman who can pound in nails with her bare fists, and carry me to bed when I've fallen asleep in my E-Z chair.
- Dave: Hern, do you want a wife, or a gorilla?