Blood Freak

I get so emotional whenever I attempt to write a review about "Blood Freak". The last review I wrote was not accepted by IMDB as I got too out of line and my review degenerated into uncontrolled bantering. Just know that my love for this movie cannot be contained in mere words. "Blood Freak" is a must see by all. The movie itself is indeed a FREAK of nature. You'll never see a movie quite like it unless it's contrived and purposely-made camp. This film is as out-of-control as a serious filmmaker could get and still be trying to make an honest-to-God film with a real message. Never have I seen a pro-Jesus-anti-drug-murder-turkey-mutant-vampire movie. Brad Gritner and Steven Hawkes have succeeded in going beyond laughing-stock into a realm of unparrelled cult statis that which few will ever attain. I wont spoil one minute of this movie for you by recounting any of it, just know that it's impossible to find any movie more deserved of the cult genre than this one. Take the plunge and see this movie!!! You wont regret it!

Certainly one of the strangest and most incredible films ever produced for human consumption. Mere words can not begin to describe this twisted masterpiece. The fantastic plot involves a guy named Hershel (Steve Hawkes) who rides a chopper and looks a bit like Elvis Presley. He meets up with two sisters, one an extremely straight Bible preaching evangelist named Angel who wants to save the world, the other a drug using slut, named Ann, who has the hots for Hershel. Hershel smokes some kind of super addicting pot which causes him to sc**w Ann. He then goes to work for a man who appears to be their father who owns a poultry farm with a built in laboratory run by some dim witted scientists. Hershel then eats a whole turkey provided by the lab which is laced with experimental drugs. He passes out, wakes up as turkey monster, starts killing a strange assortment of people, and drinks their blood. He also has sex with Ann in his turkey outfit while she voices her concerns about having turkey monster children. All throughout the film, a sleazy narrator interrupts things to give the audience confusing philosophical insights about God. It all works out in the end as Hershel finds sobriety, God, love, and poultry. You could spend your whole life trying to find something as bizarre as this film and not succeed.

Studly, hog-riding Herschell gets reeled into the dope scene by a seductive ravenhaired trollop...a free-spirited hottie who loves the party life, and ignores the cautionary advice of her mousy, churchgoing sister.

Before long, Herschell finds employment at a turkey farm, which also happens to be the locus of some dodgy scientific quackery conducted by a couple of goofy whitecoats. They persuade Herschell to eat some chemically altered turkey meat...he obliges, and transforms into a grotesque, turkey-headed man/bird. As such, he makes gobbling sounds and kills people for a beakful of their blood. Herschell's girlfriend is troubled by his new look, but she wears a brave face and extends supportive reassurance. When her scummy dope pusher violates her, Herschell steps in as her merciless avenger.

The one...the ONLY film of its kind, BLOOD FREAK is among the most nonplussing cinematic anomalies in film history...a preposterous concept reduced even further by impalpably slipshod workmanship...if there is as much as one full second of BLOOD FREAK demonstrative of even the most meager professionalism, then I must have blinked and missed it. This scorching blaze of schlock wizardry is a deluge of incidental surrealism, causing the film to overstep its awfulness as a desultory masterwork of incongruous abstraction(which even manages to slide in a puerile Christian subtext).

A film to be awed, admired, studied, and cherished forever... 9.5/10

A very shaky camera follows leatherclad 'Nam vet Herschell (Steve Hawkes) down the Florida turnpike, where he helps Angel, a stranded, bible quoting "seeker of the truth" in hot pants. The two go back to her place, where a hippie drug party hosted by Angel's cute, baby-voiced "far out" sister Anne is taking place. When Herschell ignores the advances of a woman, she informs him, "You' re nothing but a dumb b***ard who doesn't know where it's at, anyway!"

Herschell ends up getting a job at the father's turkey farm, Anne gets him "hooked" on pot and scientists in lab jackets trick him into eating chemicals that transform him into a turkey headed monster that gobbles, hangs people upside down, slits their throats and drinks the blood, all while dressed in flared bell-bottom pants!

One very blood, standout murder scene has a guy getting his leg cut off with a table saw. Some real turkeys are beheaded, too, for additional gore. But the action stops cold when the on-screen, chain-smoking narrator (played by director Grinter) reads preachy, pro-Christian commentary off of cue cards on a desk!

The big, muscular Hawkes sports Elvis hair, thick sideburns and weird, blotchy skin, and is one of the worst actors I can think of. Other cast members flub or forget their lines and often look directly at the camera and laugh! No one is credited with writing it on the version I have (the original VHS copy), but with lines directed toward Hawkes like, "He's strong, he's handsome and he enjoys being attractive to the opposite sex," I strongly suspect he had his hand in there somewhere.

Do NOT miss this movie!

Score: (technically speaking) 1 out of 10 / (for laughs) 10 out of 10!

After hearing about Blood Freak for years, after preparing myself by collecting over two hundred of the worst movies ever made, after nearly resigning myself to paying a fortune for a copy, I found Blood Freak sitting on a shelf with a cute little green price tag, biding its time, waiting to pounce.

I wasn't ready for this. Read all the other comments and realize that they're not exaggerating in the least. WORST movie ever made? No, that's still got to be Night of Horror. Blood Freak calls for a category not yet invented - the sheer glorious dancing-with-the-angels whack flakiness of Godmonster of Indian Flats or Troll 2, combined with the absolute ineptitude of Night of Horror, Weird World of LSD, or Broadway Jungle. And then add something more, an X factor, the ability to send you off the couch and onto the Karistan wheezing like a busted calliope, like the head of Hitler mugging it up in the back seat in They Saved Hitler's Brain, or the immortal. "The natives call it - Tabanga!" in from Hell It Came.

Yes, it's about mutant turkeys, good Bible preaching, a hair farm named Herschell, and balding cracker dopers, but Blood Freak goes so much further. It has the rare quality of twisting away from you and running off in a different direction, whenever you think you've got it pegged. At half a dozen points in the movie you'll have yourself totally convinced that this is a send-up, that the crazed lounge-lizards-for-Jesus narrator is smirking and winking at you. Then a throat gets slashed, a leg gets sawn off, and you realize that, no, the mutant turkeys that created this farrago are SERIOUS.

I'll give a free kitten to the first person who comes up with the present location of the papier-mache turkey head.