Vampires

The movie opens with a trained, fully-equipped team of vampire slayers, led by Jack Crow (James Woods), methodically purging a "nest" of its fanged occupants. This is one of the best scenes of the movie and sets the viewers up to think, "Hey, these guys know what they're doing. They're some rough-and-ready characters."

But, lo, where is the master vampire? Not to worry, he'll have his chance at revenge...later that very night, as the "trained" vampire hunters go to the nearest town, lay down their weapons, and begin drinking and whoring. And they knew full-well that a master vampire, whose "subjects" they'd just fried, was still lurking about! How stupid can you be???!!!

The movie marches on, showing carnage and betrayal as the plot is advanced. (And, frankly, it's not a bad plot). But there are many holes, many questions that are not answered, like, Why was such an mysterious and important item (a cross that would permit a vampire to walk in the sunlight) guarded by such a inept group of robe-clad nincompoops, who, according to their own harried screams, knew "The day has arrived!"? If they knew that a particularly horrific "day" was inevitably going to "arrive," why, then, did they lack even a modicum of defensive capability. Why were they caught frantically scampering around like a herd of panty-clad Dr. Smiths (from TV's Lost in Space..."Oh the pain, the pain of it all..."). Oh well, we'll never know, and they're too dead to tell us.

Be that as it may, this movie does have some good dialogue, interesting characters, a unique idea or two, and an actual plot--which makes John Carpenter's "Vampires" stand head and shoulders above most of the horror movies that are out today. I enjoyed it despite its defects.

Carpenter is not in his usual good form here despite excellent performances by James Woods and the rest of the cast. Woods is Jack Crow, a mercenary vampire hunter who leads a team of fellow hunters out to find and exterminate vampires.

Crow, who comes across as an atheist, is in the payroll of the Catholic church and is driven by his own demons that are more based on revenge rather than anything else.

The film shows the battle between the hunters and a very powerful vampire (Valek) who attempts to create a new order of invincible vampires that can rule the earth.

Despite the excess of gore and blood the film does not have the tense moments of other better Carpenter films (Escape from New York, Assault on Precinct 13). Nonetheless, Valek is a formidable foe that creates a number of scary moments. Perhaps a film only for the loyal Carpenter fans (myself included).

The modern American west has been overrun by bloodsucking ghouls, and the Catholic Church hires a crew of fearless exterminators to hunt down the undead and drag them into the sun.

I can certainly sympathize with Jack Crow's (James Woods) partner Anthony (Daniel Baldwin). I do not know if I could resist turning into a vampire with Sheryl Lee doing the biting. She would make me want to avoid daylight for eternity.

This was an action-packed adventure with Thomas Ian Griffith as the chief vampire, and Oscar winner Maximilian Schell (Judgment at Nuremberg), as the Cardinal that did not want to die.

Oh, that Sheryl Lee! It was only brief nudity, but it was all she had to offer.

The crusader Jack Crow (James Woods), Anthony Montoya (Daniel Baldwin) and their team are vampire slayers working for the Catholic Church under the command of Cardinal Alba (Maximilian Schell). When they find a vampire nest near Mexico, they exterminate all the vampires but their master Jan Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith) that is hidden below earth. Jack, Montoya and their friends go to a motel to celebrate with prostitutes. However, Valek comes to the motel, bites the hooker Katrina (Sheryl Lee) and kills all the vampire slayers but Jack and Montoya that flee taking Katrina with them. Jack has a meeting with Cardinal Alba that asks him to join another team. Jack leaves the meeting with Father Adam Guiteau (Tim Guinee) and decides to hunt down Valek using Katrina as a bait. Will they succeed?

John Carpenter's Vampires is an entertaining underrated film with a perfect combination of terror, action and humor. There are many funny lines and the casting is perfect. Sheryl Lee is extremely hot especially on the bed scene where she is nude. Once again John Carpenter makes a great film. My vote is eight.

Title (Brazil): "Vampiros de John Carpenter" ("John Carpenter's Vampires")

Note: On 19 September 2020, I saw this film again.

Note: On 05 March 2025, I saw this film again.

John Carpenter's Vampires is a flawed film, that's for sure. It is not really terrifying, despite being billed as a horror film. It is rather brutal, and the film's humor and the actions of the characters have been accused in some quarters of having a misogynistic bent. So why is this film so much fun? Two words: James Woods. An extremely underrated actor, Woods is nearly perfect in the role of cocky Jack Crow, a renowned vampire hunter. He chews scenery with relish, handles his character's off-color humor with panache, and never lets up his colorful performance for one minute. Is John Carpenter's Vampires art? No. Is it great filmmaking? No. Is it a good time at the movies with a central performance that will put a smile on your face? You bet. And, occasionally, that is enough. Who says the B-picture is dead?