Townies

As someone who's already seen all the vintage John Waters, all the Troma's, all the LBP epics, and all the Italian Cannibal epics. Townies, to me, ain't nothing special. Then again, if you've seen (and approve of) all of the above, then I guess you might as well give this one a chance as well.

Schlarb, Ohio may or may not have ever been a nice place to live. As for these days, the freaks have taken over. Not so much taking over, as they're not going around killing everybody or anything like that, but there's just so damn many of them. Seriously, they're everywhere, giving weird looks and whatnot.

Dickie the dumpster-driver hasn't had a lady-friend in quite a while. Actually, the poor little fellow has never had such a thing. If you've seen him in Killer Nerd, or not, you won't find this hard to believe. All of this is about to change. For today is Dickie's lucky day. Dickie has found a corpse in the dump. And yes, in case you were wondering, it is a lady corpse. Goodbye loneliness!! Dickie has finally got himself a girlfriend.

Pricey is only semi-retarded, you understand. Actually, she's even semi-hot. Unfortunately, poor Pricey is completely mute. It's alright, because Pricey has her baby (a doll) to keep her company, along with a family who she usually spends her time waiting for, outside their house, for them to either wake up or come home... yeah, kinda like a dog. After Pricey's doll/daughter is stolen, she panics and quickly finds the next best thing.

Caduceus the big bald mute doesn't have many fans. The ladies are especially repulsed by this creepy reject. Avoiding Caduceus would be the sensible thing for any woman who finds this guy questionable. Yet, here in good ol' Schlarb, we got women trying to Caduceus over with cars, and convincing their boyfriends to make his life even worse. He may not seem all there, but Caduceus knows a thing or 2 about revenge.

And did I mention that all of this was accomplished with a three hundred dollar budget? I don't know about you but Townies is by far the most low-budget movie in my collection. And might I add that the black and white was a very nice touch, which would be the only thing that's nice about this mean-spirited trash-fest.

I don't know why Townies has been compared to Todd Browning's Freaks as much as it has. It's mostly about the trials & tribulations of a bunch of brain-damaged misfits, which, to me, is much more entertaining than a bunch of midgets and amputees, but that's just me.

For more in worthwhile modern trash, I Spit Chew On Your Grave is a must-see. If freaks is what you're in to, Frank Henenlotters newest masterpiece, Bad Biology will definitely do it for you. But if some nice pitch-black humor is what you're after, then you won't go wrong with Townies. 7/10

Townies is not a movie that is easily fitted into any particular genre. It's not a comedy. It's not a drama. It's not a horror film. Yet there are elements in it that are comedic, dramatic, and horrifying. And I for one like a movie that does that. As my idol Lloyd Kaufman often says: "Why are we so limited in the emotions we can arouse with movies? We can make you laugh, or we can make you cry. Why can't we make you cringe, or groan with displeasure?" While not an exact quote, it does summarize perfectly what I feel about Townies. Townies will make you laugh. Townies will make you cry. But Townies will also make you cringe and groan with displeasure. But if you're up for the adventure, it is well worth it. If you come in expecting ONLY to laugh or ONLY to cry, and to NOT cringe or groan with displeasure, don't waste your time. I for one am going to go watch it again. And you're welcome to join me.

I can't believe I wasted my time with this movie. I couldn't even call it a movie. It was so bad with nothing to recommend it.

I like low budget movies and weird flicks but this one had me bored to death. Badly made and bad acting ruined it from being curious. You have to wonder what these people were thinking when they spent money to produce this movie. I wonder what I was thinking watching it to the end. I recommend this movie to no one. How did they release this? Was there an audience who likes this kind of movie? There must be because you can find this at almost any video store. But why?

Deserves to be forgotten.

If you like bad movies then this is for you.

Townies is the laziest movie I have ever seen, and I saw the Blair Witch movies (parts one and two). It seems confused in what it wants to be. It's not funny enough for comedy, it's not tragic enough for drama, it's not bloody enough for horror, and it's not good enough for watching. It has scenes of a man doing "slapstick/bloody" karate so I think, oh this movie will be in the vein of Toxic Avenger and Street Trash. Then it leaps without warning into a drama about a missing girl, a retarded (mentally handicap) woman and a trusting mother. Then it slaps itself into the ONLY good part in the movie which seems to be set up like a sitcom without the laugh tracks. The part I'm speaking of is a lonely TOWNIE who is so lonely he finds comfort in a rotting corpse. That was the ONLY part of the movie that gave me ANY feeling. The rest was a waist of my life. Then, just to show how CRUEL Wayne is there is a kind of DOCUMENTARY at the end of the film of Wayne (the Director) making fun of Toby (the star) in public. It made me sick. Even though Killer Nerd and Bride of Killer Nerd (two other movies by Wayne) aren't the best, they at least are thought out enough were you can stay entertained until the ending credits. I even like Killer Nerd a bit, it had some great lines I still use to this day.

If you like underground films, if you like overground films, and if you like to watch your feet, just resting were they are, you will not like TOWNIES!

*1/2 (out of ****)

This is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen! It's something a little different than most comedy movies these days. The Characters are hilarious. Lines are rememberable. There are, however, a few "gross" scenes.

Although so many thing contribute to the Movie, nothing compares to the "Genuine Nerd" Toby Radolff. He is great. Get the Special Edition D.V.D. if you want to see more of him in hilarious web segments.

I give this Movie 10 out of 10

I would recommend Skinned Alive to anyone that likes or think they might like this Masterpiece movie.