Facade

Yes, yes...a fantastic film in in its corniness. Bad acting, bad direction, bad sound, bad music... Everything in this sounds, feels and smells cheap...You know, if they played movies in elevators instead of music, this might be THE essential elevator movie.

What is this movie about? Other than Eric Roberts being very nice to look at, this movie was all over the place with scenes that barely connected to each other. Yet, in some way I still liked it. I tried to come up with a theme or moral, but couldn't. Can you?

Okay I am one of the few courageous souls who will admit to liking this movie. I'm surprised at the number of critics and movie buffs who missed the idea that this movie is a fun satire of the Pulp Fiction/Get Shorty type films and other films (French especially) as well. The dialogue between the two bumbling mob hitmen and between the Eric Roberts character and the black police detective was especially hilarious. I had fun watching it.

It's a pity that a cache-load of post-noir crime efforts set their sights no higher than claims of a tradition shared by RESERVOIR DOGS, PULP FICTION and whatever else oozed from the pen of Tarantino. Thankfully, FACADE is much better than all that. Opening Moments: young woman, seemingly with large bug up backside, attempts to react to a murder, followed by credit tune that sounds as if lifted from some long-dead '70s cop drama. The Plot?? Well, anything more complex than a group of teens gathered at Camp Crystal Lake has yours truly scratching head. What I can report is - torpedo breasts, a genuinely arousing sex scene (you'll know it when you see it...), anti-racist rant made inaudible via Boeing noise, poolside wake hosted by asylum escapee priest who performs '60s hippie anthem, sushi dropped on suited stiff in funeral parlour during inspired marital infidelity speech, playing tennis with bullets...in fact, a whole smorgasbord of nice little touches that show Colpaert really cares - awwwwwww. Best Line(s): Hitperson One: "What's That Smell?" Hitperson Two: "It's Us..." Nun's Armpit: 9/10.

This was almost exactly like a run-of-the-mill porn movie (except there was precious little porn in it, except for at couple of bare-boobs shots), what with the incredibly bad acting, utterly pointless plot and ridiculous scenes completely unrelated to the rest of the story (case in point: the singing hippie priest)

Avoid at all cost! 1/10