Return to Savage Beach

With the tagline „The big guns are back", director Andy Sidaris returned to Savage Beach, almost a decade after the original „Savage Beach" movie. The title song is played while we watch the ladies swimming - pretty well aiming at the style of a Bond title sequence. Shae Marks looks like Lara Croft in her early (oversized) days when she enters Savage Beach in a tank top. Such elements of pop culture are nicely used again for an action flick that seems a bit confused in its first half, and sometimes uses annoying flashbacks, but later the loose ends are tied successfully, while another song named „Which ending does this story have?" ironically explains that confusing the audience needs to be a part of the show. Marcus Bagwell, the Warrior from „Day of the Warrior", helps the good guys this time, and Julie K. Smith gets the funniest scene when she can demonstrate her idea of punishing „bad boys". This is the last one out of 12 Andy Sidaris movies I reviewed, certainly not the best among them because it's a bit of a patchwork and lacks new ideas (well, there was a submarine at least), but I have to congratulate the ensemble since they never put out a real bore in all these years - and that, by the way, was the strong point: ensemble. With the exception of "Malibu Express", there was never only one star, it's always about team-play.

Similar to Acalpuco HEAT, the syndicated TV show, this is a secret service agency that fights terrorists. The notable exception of this movie is that every female character has enormous boobs. Most of the women easily surpass Double D cup sizes. Every female character is matched with a studly male coagent who has to have sex with their respective costar during the movie at least once. This doesn't leave much time for a realistic plot scene, but hey, if you are watching this, you weren't really expecting much but Tits and Ass were you? Of note, this is when Shae Marks breasts were at her biggest before she had some of the silicone taken out. They are impressive to say the least

okay, forget that the entire cast makes Shatner look like Orson Welles, this flick rocks! I love it! One of my faves. The horrible acting actually makes it more fun IMHO. The awful acting of the 2 male leads is laughable and totally funny. And then there's the girls: seeing Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks in those white tops toward the end are amazing. Also Shae in that white 'business outfit earlier in the film at their HQ is not to be missed! What I love about Sidaris films is that they're fun. If they didn't have the giant silicone breasts, they would not be. All hail Andy Sidaris! Nice to see Kevin Eastman, the guy from Heavy Metal magazine making a cameo. The only other Sidaris film that possibly beats this one as far as breast-size is Do Or Die.

These are the words that you repeatedly yell out as you watch this spectacular movie. The incredible Buff Bagwell leaves us stunned and amazed by his great hidden acting talent. The great directing and writing by Andy Sidaris, who brought us such outstanding classics such as Seven, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, and the original Savage Beach, leaves us in awe and histerics over his newest film. Beautiful Playmates, only wearing a smile throughout the movie, show us their incredible assets and acting ability in this wonderful flick. They are quite a handful... Just look at some of the characters in this movie: a chyna lookalike, carlos santana/eddie guererro, and the incredible BUFF (THE STUFF). You cant say with a straight face that this movie isn't great. Just the incrdible techniques these stars use, such as the perfected ninja choreography, the toy RC cars, and the sudden appearance of clothes/props. In lieu of all these aspects of this movie, I cannot see how this movie does not receive a full 10/10 stars. This is truly one of Andy Sidaris' productions. Go out and watch it NOW!! DEM THINGS IS VERY VERY NICE!!!

I hadn't seen an Andy Sidaris film in years (not with the sound turned up, anyway) and I had no reason to believe this one would be any different from his others. Those always had the same elements. First it would have a totally uninvolving action story full of explosions and martial arts. Second, it would have a script that was stilted and pedestrian. Third, it would feature almost uniformly wooden acting. I'm talkin' sequoia here. Last, it would be full of bodacious babes who were always clad in one of two ways: scantily or un-. Only one of these elements interested me (take a guess) and the others made his movies all but unwatchable.

Well maybe I'm getting mellow in my old age or possibly Sidaris learned something from his other films because I could actually enjoy this one as simple dumb fun. The main factor here is a switch in emphasis to flesh over fireworks and fighting. The story is still the same non-entity, the acting is as bad as ever (does Sidaris want it that way?) but the women are a softcore voyeur's delight, though if you prefer nature's bounty over the wonders of cosmetic surgery, you may not appreciate them. The way is led in this film by the udderly amazing duo of Julie K. Smith and Shae Marks, with Julie Strain also on hand and Playboy alumnus Carrie Wescott as the nominal villainess. Marks was also a Playboy centerfold model and one would have thought she wouldn't have needed to augment her considerable natural charms, but I guess that was a career decision.

This movie is not headed for the National Film Registry but I was able to enjoy it on some level and considering Sidaris' previous output, that surprised me.