Dead Weekend

I simply cannot believe I sat through this whole thing. Talk about blind hope! Why did I think it would get better? I suppose I hoped that Stephen Baldwin would somehow rescue this mess. Not that I've ever seen him rescue any other lousy movie he's been in to date. I keep hoping he'll pick a winner.

This is simply one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Lame, preposterous plot. Wooden acting. Lousy cinematography. I sure hope these actors got paid well for a potentially career ending fiasco.

I hereby formally nominate it if you ever compile an updated "Worst Movies" list!

It's Friday evening. You decide that you'd like to rent a good Stephen Baldwin movie. Unfortunately, when you get to the video store you find that "Usual Suspects" is checked out. "Oh well," you think to yourself, "guess I'll have to settle for a *bad* Stephen Baldwin movie instead." The video store is your oyster, my friend, and who knows, you may find another pearl amongst Stephen's work. It's worth a shot.

As you're roaming the aisles, life's cruel hand of fate guides you to "Dead Weekend." Sadly, you decide that you'll give it a chance, and you don't find out until it's too late that the title of the movie is a fitting description for any weekend spent watching this tripe.

The only thing going on in this movie is Stephen gettin' it on with five different female forms of an alien. The alien changes forms randomly, and sometimes she doesn't even know she has changed. Luckily for Stephen, she always shape shifts into a hot babe.

In the end, Stephen decides to leave the planet with his alien lover, but his former soldier colleagues feel he's a traitor and try to hunt him down. Oh the tension. Do you think Stephen would've still wanted to flee the planet with this alien if she started morphing into a Roseanne look-alike with a severe back-hair problem? I doubt it.

It's no bold prediction to say that I'll never watch this movie again. I have no problem watching movies that are so bad they're entertaining (Troll 2, a good number of Michael Paré movies), but this movie is so bad it's just BAD. The only way it could've been worse is if the alien shape shifted into Rosie O'Donnell every time. The acting was wooden and just horrible, there was no real story or action, and the music sounded worse than the midnight jam sessions I used to have on my $20 Casio when I was thirteen years old.

I was bored the entire movie, and I had to fight the temptation to hit "fast forward" harder than Mike D fighting for his right to party. But I can be a stubborn guy at times. I taped this movie, so I was bound and determined to watch the whole thing.

Watching the movie wasn't a total loss though. Yes folks, I actually learned a valuable lesson from this experience - I have really got to learn to be less stubborn.

THE GIST:

I suppose if you enjoy the cinematic equivalent of a hammer repeatedly bashing you upside the brain for 82 minutes, then you might want to check out "Dead Weekend." Otherwise, avoid it at all costs. Literally. Spend money to AVOID seeing this movie if you have to.

Stephen Baldwin stars as Agent Weed in this Skinamax lite sci-fi erotic thriller about an alien who shapeshifts every time she has sex.

The 4k remastering actually looks good but the movie itself is terrible. Baldwin sucks as the lead and Tom Kenny is extremely annoying. Rasche at least tries.

This movie drained the energy right out of me the moment it came on and never let up until it was over. I really should have just turned it off. Not that I had much anticipation of this movie being any good in the first place, but the possibility of some steamy T&A lured me in. How stupid was I. This has to be one of the lowest budget movies I've ever seen and will probably ever see. Low-budget doesn't necessarily dictate a bad movie, but Dead Weekend is one of the countless bombs people wonder how they got made in the first place.

Although this movie is being sold as a sci-fi adventure all it really amounts to is a low-budget T&A romp through wasteland. The story and cast are horrible with Stephen Baldwin obviously taking this on as a quick paycheck. Believe me when I say everything about this movie is bad beyond belief. Perhaps the ugliest part is even the T&A can't save this mess of a film.

The least talented Baldwin falls in love with a shape shifting alien (the only vaguely interesting girl she turned into being "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" TV show mom, Barbara Alyn Woods). His partner, Sledge Hammer is naturally against this. They both are members of the TWF & that military unit is after this alien under the public guise of looking for looters during an earthquake evacuation. The movie is horrid. Tough to believe that the year it was made Tom Kenny had the worst movie of his career, being this, and the BEST gig of his career, being on Mr. Show.

Eye Candy: Afifi Alaouie, Jennifer MacDonald, Blair Valik, and Barbara Alyn Woods all provide boobage

My Grade: D

Where I saw it: Showtime Beyond