U.F.O.

And this was one. So I can't tell you the ending. I can only tell you that ten minutes in I was praying for the sweet oblivion of the grave to overtake me so I wouldn't have to endure another second of this. I thought I hated feminists. Turns out I like them more than I like Roy Chubby Brown, and this movie is the reason. When he's doing his own stand up he can do timing nearly as well as Bernard Manning, so he gets away with real filth. And he's funny. This film doesn't allow for any of that, and it's censored, so all you get is his unrelieved hatred of women, without any comic timing to make the jokes bearable, and be able to make you laugh. Not even once. It's the difference between being on a cruise ship deck and being down in the sluices, sliding around in the vomit from all the seasick people. Up on deck you might know that the ship has places you'd rather not go and spoil the cruise. This film is all sluice. And it would take weeks to wash it off. This film is an insult to the human condition. Watch it by choice only if you are on the edge of suicide and need something to push you over the edge with the sheer futility of human existence.

Roy "Chubby" Brown is a fat sexist pig living in squalor in the North East of England with a cartoon wife; therefore male-fantasy female aliens decide to teach him a lesson by beaming him up for a spot of poetic justice.

The watch word here is cheap: cheap laughs, cheap thrills, cheap jokes and even the spaceship looks like it was knocked together from 200 pounds of MFI corrugated iron! Given that the lead is a stand up comic considered too blue for TV our lead gives his gags straight to camera as if on-stage (example, how to make a Middlesbrough Omelette: "First steal two eggs...."). Visual gags are mostly of the toilet variety and at one stage a toilet is actually flush over Brown for him to spit out.

Brown himself seems happy to be a sad I-don't-care cartoon, often stripping to reveal his grossly overweight body; although he seems fussy about revealing his bald head which he hides with a flying helmet (why - don't ask me!) Women take their clothes of whenever the things lag and given the quality of material this is quite often. At several stages it seems to have nothing to do with what might be considered - for want of a more apt description - the plot.

While it is silly enough for late night TV after one beer too many, it is a shame that the script wasn't thrown to a few schoolboys for pointers as to how it could be improved...

Who thought this film was a good idea, written by 'comedian' roy 'chubby' brown it's a juxaposition of unfunny one liners and over the top performences on a set which looks like something designed on Blue Peter. The 'plot' has Chubby as himself, put on trial for sexism and for comments like 'i hope your tampon turns into an hedgehog' and 'what's the matter love? Have the greengrocers run out of cucumbers'. One has to wonder about the mentality of such an individual and for the individuals who would want to spend time and money watching this film. The worst crime of all is quality scripts are turned away and talented directors are ignored so companies can invest in offensive nonsense like this. As Empire Magazine said in it's review 'civilised filmgoers, dive for cultural lifeboats'.

To all the people who are offended by chubby and the way he feels and talks about women well we seem to have a prime minister who has the exact same attitude towards women as, Mr brown and no one seems to care about that but the difference is Mr Brown is funny but Mr J isn't and this, movie is the funniest thing in decades and if you don't laugh then you aren't breathing. Oh and by the way I've been to dozens of chubbys live shows over the years and there are always, more women there than men and they are also the ones laughing loudest and longest at his jokes. Too many people in this world these days who make a career out of been offended and maybe you should just get a life while you are still able. This is a definite 10.

1st of all this '19 year old beer drinkers' audience quote. I recently went to see Chubby Brown and there were more pensioners there than there was youth, the front 5 rows added to a total age of the rest of the audience! 2nd the north/south divide in comedy. If you don't live over here then I don't expect you to know much, but if you cared to research a little before talking about something then you would see that there are very many well respected Northern comedian who are certainly not low brow, take Peter Kay, Paddy McGuiness, Ernie Wise (from Morecambe and Wise) and Barry Cryer, who has written comedy routines for the following: Dave Allen, Stanley Baxter, Jack Benny, Rory Bremner, George Burns, Jasper Carrott, Tommy Cooper, Les Dawson, Dick Emery, Kenny Everett, Bruce Forsyth, David Frost, Bob Hope, Frankie Howard, Richard Pryor, Mike Yarwood, The Two Ronnies and Morecambe and Wise. So I think I made my point there.

3rd is this little quote: "Others, including myself, will be equally offended by the fact that the comedy is simply moronic". If you hated it so much then why take the time to pan it on the internet, also if it was that offensive then why go through the hassle of watching all of it, surely once you're offended it should be time to turn it off, not continue to see how many points you can make about it.

The plot shouldn't matter in a comedy film, as long as it make you laugh.

Just thought I'd offer up some constructive criticism so maybe next time you'll think before jumping down something's throat.