No Contest

"No Contest" is a silly rip-off of "Die Hard".

The plot: Sharon Bell (Tweed) is hosting a beauty pageant when Oz (Clay) and his band of criminals take over the proceedings. Now it's up to Sharon to save the day! This movie is worth-watching for the unintentional comedy. The climax is hilarious! Dice and Tweed battle it out on a rooftop using martial arts. The sight of Clay doing roundhouse kicks and other similar moves is very amusing. Tweed also can't do karate and there's always a long shot instead of a closeup.

The acting by all is horrible, but it's not a big deal because you can't take this seriously.

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******SPOILERS****** Andew Dice Clay, Brice, is far more funnier trying to be an over the top evil villain in "No Contest" then in any of the stand up comedy acts that he does on stage and on cable TV in this laughable action drama. The film is about Brice and his cohorts taking over a beauty contest, the Galaxy, and holding the six finalists as well as the host and former Galaxy contest winner Sharon Bell, Shannon Tweed, hostage. In order to let them go Brice wants a ransom of ten million dollars in diamonds.

Brice rewards the Galaxy contest winner Miss France, Julie Armstrong, with a bullet in the head just as the shocked crowd was expecting him to crown her. Brice and his gang then effectively wiped out the security guards as well as the TV crew who were broadcasting the event on live TV.

A sub-plot soon develops about this whole crazy venture when it's revealed that one of the finalists Miss USA Candy Wilson, Polly Shannon, is the daughter of US Senator Donald Wilson, John Colicos. we are told that Wilson was involved with Brice in a Columbian drug ring and that he had Brice double-crossed and thought that he was killed by the drug dealers. Somehow Brice managed to survived and is now back for revenge. There is also another sub-plot involving one of the finalists Miss Germany, Chandra West, also being in on the hostage taking as well as being Brice's girlfriend.

The gang that Brice has in this adventure is one of the biggest bunch of mixed nuts ever put together in crime movie history with the overly macho Victor, Nicholas Campball, and obnoxious former professional wrestler Roddy Piper, Ice. Ice was so unintentionally funny that he spoiled the little tension that was still left in the movie when he tried to be bad and evil. Instead Ice came across like a cross between the Honeymooners Jacky Gleason and Saturday Night Lives Chevy Chase slipping and falling all over the place.

Even though Robert Davi,Sgt. Crane, is the top star in the movie he was completely overshadowed by the very physical and free-swinging and kicking Shannon Tweed who did all the work dispatching the gang of kidnappers. Davi just limped, he was a disabled Secret Service Agent in the film, along for the ride.

The movie moved toward it's inevitable climax as Sharon almost single handedly kung-fu'ed the Brice gang out of the movie leaving just him left to have it out with her on an hotel elevator for the films dramatic ending. It was next to a miracle that Sharon was able to stand up by then after the pounding that she took, as well as gave, during the movie up to that point.

Shannon Tweed was very exciting and nice to watch in the action scenes as well as in the sexy clothes that she wore. She in fact never took her clothes off during in the movie. Andrew Dice Clay showed what a "Ham Actor" he really is if he was just given the chance like the movie "No Contest" gave him. Robert Davi was the invisible man by going through the entire movie almost unnoticed and the girls held hostage were anything but sympathetic with their unconvincing acting. showing almost no fear at all of their captors, no matter how hard they tried.

The character who I think was the real villain and most believable person in the film was Senator Wilson, John Colicos. Senator Wilson showed what we see in the news every day that if your in power and keep getting re-elected you can get away with anything even murder.

At first I was surprise that I never saw this Shannon Tweed flick during the Skinemax days, than I realized that there's no nudity in it. My lost, as the movie was entertaining to watch.

It's Die Hard at a beauty pageant as Shannon Tweed plays an once popular action star hosting the Ms. Galaxy pageant when a crew of kidnappers take the place hostage.

I've seen Shannon Tweed do a few kicks in her movies before, but she goes all out in this one trying to be Dolph Lundgren only with smaller boobs. She kicks some ass, she fires the gun and she goes after the bad guy. However you feel about female action stars (I'm definitely all for it), I thought the movie did a spectacular job with it and it was nothing but fun to watch.

Another highlight of the flick was Andrew Dice Clay who lead the kidnappers. It's like he took the clichés of all best movie villains and rolled it into one. He was the ultimate bad ass and the ultimate parody all at the same time, and it just put a huge grin on my face watching him.

It's a low budget b-action flick plan and simple, and it works for your amusement. You can catch the film on you tube like I did.

Many would consider this to be a ripoff of Die Hard, but other than locations and antagonist plotting, "No Contest" has a completely different mood. Firstly the primary protagonist is largely unwillingly and frightened, and Shannon Tweed is not terrible in giving a sense of realism to it. Secondly the villains are hilariously captivating, particularly Roddy Piper and Nicholas Campbell as henchmen with over the top cheesy dialogue.

The cinematography is also surprisingly good with competent angling and rendering. Overall it's actually fairly entertaining although it does run out of energy and ideas by the end.

Andrew Dice Clay and Shannon Tweed star in this film that is a action film, but like dice's Ford Fairlane, is a funny film past all of it's action. Tweed and Dice make a good pair as the heroine and villain. Not exactly the best acting, and no nudity from Tweed made me feel bad, but what can you do. Because with dice (in a action film so bad it is a hilarious comedy) you can't loose. A-