Milk Money

Bad direction, a weak script and a career-low performance by Ed Harris sideline 'Milk Money', a movie which could've been excellent, but wasn't.

Onetime-respected-actor-now-reduced-to-B-movie-star Malcolm McDowell delivers a hilarious performance with help from Melanie Griffith and talented newcomer Michael Patrick Carter, but they alone do little to rescue the film.

The first half hour or so is perfectly on tune, then everything seems to change gears and 'Milk Money' is pushed from a comedy to a sappy drama with an awful dance sequence, and an ending that's even worse. To complicate matters even more, Harris is completely miscast, and future star Anne Heche is seriously underused.

I've loved this movie ever since I was a kid, and after about a dozen viewings (damn, I've been having too much time) there's one question that still bothers me: who's this movie aimed at? On the surface it definitely looks like a family movie. You have your Disney-like music under almost every scene, you have your tired, clichéd story about kids wanting to make sugary sweet adults fall in love, you have your character that gets his heart cut out wait what? You have your hapless but likable kids who pull all kinds of school shenanigans, you have...Malcolm McDowall as a crazed pimp who pulls out his gun at a school dance? This movie just bounces all over the place, but it's fascinating rather than bothersome. Furthermore, even after so many times this is still a pretty effective little tearjerker. You know this stuff is probably going to end well (with someone getting his heart cut out?), but getting there is quite touching. You know she'll stay in the end, but still, don't leave. Ed Harris and Melanie Griffith also have near-perfect chemistry, it always helps if the protagonists of your romantic comedy look like they actually want to be there. "Milk Money" has its shortcomings because it's essentially an off-brand "Pretty Woman", but it's a childhood memory that I kinda cherish to this day.

I saw "Milk Money" when I was eleven; much of what happens in the movie is the sort of stuff that would make any eleven-year-old boy think "Whoa...cool!" Looking back on it, I still think that it was pretty funny, but was it the most mature movie? No, and it doesn't pretend to be. I read somewhere that this movie was sexist; I wouldn't know one way or the other. All that I interpreted was that the movie was a nice, horny excuse to have fun. Richard Benjamin has proved himself to be quite capable as a director, and this adds to that.

I know, the prostitute-with-a-heart-of-gold context is a cliché, but this is a comedy, so it passes. And believe you me, this V (Melanie Griffith) is definitely a V for vendetta! Also starring Ed Harris, Malcolm McDowell, Casey Siemaszko, and a very young Anne Heche. Really entertaining, especially the report on the female reproductive system.

Milk Money (1994)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

A group of young boys save up their "milk" money so that they can buy a father (Ed Harris) a hooker known as V (Melanie Griffith).

There's a bit more to the plot of MILK MONEY but that's the basic set-up. After the success of WHEN HARRY MET SALLY... these types of romantic comedies were in high demand so we got all sorts of strange stories and this here is certainly one of the strangest.

Once you get over the idea of young kids buying a hooker for dad, the film itself really isn't all that bad and in many ways it's pretty charming for what it is. You've basically got two fine actors turning in fun performances and that's what makes the film worth watching. Harris is especially good as the father who is still grieving over his wife. Griffith easily steals the film as the hooker with a heart of gold as well as a great body that is constantly in tight clothes.

The film's screenplay has a pretty basic set-up and it pretty much plays out as you would expect it to. There's certainly nothing ground-breaking here and it's not one of the best films that the genre has to offer but if you're a fan of the cast then it's worth watching.

Lighten up people...this is just entertainment, not Ghandi (yawn). I found this movie to be great entertainment for a Saturday afternoon. My wife and I laughed all the way through. Excellent performances by Ed Harris, Melanie Griffith and Michael Patrick Carter. The cross communication between Harris and Griffith based on Carter's lie is hilarious.