The Protector

You know, in modern age of corporate slop, it's almost nostalgic to see a movie that knows exactly what it is. It's not amazing, but some of the cast really helps it move along - especially Ron Perlman as the villain.

In the final act, he even keeps talking to the hero on loudspeakers watching him through the cameras - absolutely ridiculous, but if you embrace the cheese, surprisingly fun.

It's absolute shlock, but it's definitely not boring - it's briskly paced and filled back to back with comedy, tension and action. The comedy isn't the best and it's the weakest part, and action is a typical low rent direct-to-dvd stuff, but overacting makes all the scenes way more fun than they should be.

The only reason why I like this movie is because it's so stupid it makes me laugh. I actually got sad when I wasn't watching this crap and I ordered it from Amazon.com after my video store lost it. Every character in this movie is pathetic except for Clint Howard. He was such a wuss that he actually ruled. And Matt McColm thought he was so bad, but he came out like a male chauvinist or something. The chicks were okay, I guess, and so was RP.

I could actually give this movie a 10 out of 10 just because it makes me laugh at how idiotic it is. Don't ever rent this movie or you'll become hooked like me!

1st watched 10/18/2001 - 4 out of 10 (Dir-Jack Gill): I actually expected this title to be much worse than it really was, but it still was not good enough to merit it a good rating. Actually decent performances from Matt McColm as the he-man star and a good supporting role from Clint Howard as his silly accountant sidekick, but they couldn't overcome the bad plot with dim-witted unrealistic responses to the situation from mostly everyone involved. The plot revolves around a money hungry virus-vaccine producer who decides to make the virus first, put it airborne then make millions on the vaccine that he was ready to put out on the market because he knew their would be a need for it. Pretty smart guy, except that he didn't expect he-man bodyguard turned private eye `Conway' to be on the case and spoil his whole evil plot. Conway ends up getting the virus and here is where the movie becomes down-right ridiculous and then turns even sillier at the end with former lovers bickering with each other in the after-life as the credits role. A-Pix entertainment doesn't usually even come close with it's offerings but this one was closer than normal but still a grade-b movie that tries to be a little more than this but doesn't pull it off.

Actually event if the story is not the best one in history, I have to admit it's a pretty good surprise thanks to Matt McColm who is rather impressive in the role of an action man. He is a better actor than many of his asskicker-colleagues and seems to really enjoy being in front of the cameras and not only to hit some dudes.

When I was shuffling through my local video-store, I found this beauty in the 1£-department, and thought "Wow, wtf, Ron Perlman, Clint Howard, and John Rhys-Davies! I MUST OWN THIS!" - Well, when I put it in my VHS-player, expectations were high, but I could almost immediately see that this movie was a total turkey. But it had some redeeming qualities.

The Good: Ron Perlman was great as the evil Dr. Ramsey Krago who's trying to infest the world with his evil virus, which only he has the anti-dote to! Although he looks quite bored in most of the scenes, he's still the most fun actor to watch in the movie. But I couldn't really tell if he had Grey or blonde hair though..

The Bad: The hero "Ken", played by stuntman-gone-leading actor-gone-stuntman again Matt McColm, finds out about Dr. Krago's evil plans and wants to stop him, using every skill he possibly knows! That is, looking really smug and trying to seduce every woman he meets, and attacking bad guys with his amazing double-kick mid-air split, that would (almost) make Jean-Claude Van Damme jealous. He's not really interesting, and his attitude was annoying throughout the whole film.

The Ugly: In a totally redundant part, we have the always entertaining Clint Howard as Ken's accountant, Hutch. He doesn't do anything to the movie other than say a bunch of stupid things to Ken, and then follow him around on stakeouts, and Ken also uses Hutch's wife's car during a car-chase, where infamous stuntman Henry Kingi (Predator 1+2) flips Ken the bird right before getting blown away. Classic scene. Hutch also fumbles around with a hand grenade (with a SKULL painted on it, so you know that it's dangerous) on the back-seat of the car, which almost kills them both. The drivers of the two evil "A-team" trucks are apparently very stupid, because they have no idea of how to avoid hitting parked vehicles that are in their way. But that's just how henchmen are in these kind of movies. D-U-M-M.

The Bonus: In the beginning of the movie, we see John Rhys-Davies as a disgusting slime-ball who Ken is working for, and believe it or not, he has a sex-scene! So if you ever wanted to see "Gimli" wearing nothing but filthy underpants and an open bathrobe, then this is the movie for you! He also forces a girl to "go down" on him, a fantastic scene.

The Rest: Well, there's a bunch of women who runs around looking real tough, although they're not. Only one of them was important to the plot, but I can't remember her name, because they all looked alike. Then there's also a bunch of stupid henchmen who likes to stick their gun-holding hands out in FRONT of the heroes, so that they can grab them and throw them to the ground. That's great henchmen-work. I also think I saw Kane "Jason Vorhees" Hodder as a henchman, who runs out of a door right in front of one of the heroes just to get gunned down immediately like all the other lame henchmen.

Conclusion: Well, this movie has a stupid plot, a boring male lead, boring female lead(s), but great supporting actors, and good stunts (especially during car-chases and in the final showdown, I can assure you that it is hot stuff!). The music is tame, and the cinematography isn't worth mentioning either. But overall, I enjoyed it somewhat, since I'm a semi-big fan of some of the supporting actors, and the stunt-work was also very good for a movie of this ultra-low caliber. So if you have nothing better to do, then watch this movie, but don't expect anything good.