Werewolf

Believe it or not, this film starts out pretty promisingly. A team of archaeologists working on a dig in Arizona unearth the skeleton of a bipedal wolf creature. The Native American diggers are instantly suspicious, claiming that these are the remains of a Skinwalker. When one of them is struck with the skull during a fight, the gash becomes infected and the man begins to change into a living, breathing werewolf running amok in a hospital!

This could have been a good little film. But it lacks a decent script...and good actors...and a coherent storyline and convincing special effects and...well, it lacks more than it has. The plot (what there is of it) consists of an Andy Garcia lookalike taking FOREVER to transform into a wolfman, and a bodybuilding dork who runs around injecting random people with werewolf juice for no apparent reason whatsoever. There's also a redheaded love interest with the face of a rabbit and the personality of a coat hangar who loves the wolf and is pursued by the dork. Richard Lynch is here too as the head of the archaeology department, though the writer of this mess apparently had no idea what to do with his character and has Lynch wander around in search of something to do or say. Joe Estevez disappears with no explanation after the first half hour and is replaced with Sam the Keeper, an aging hippie/militia man who is far scarier than the werewolf proves to be.

This movie is just a total mess. Avoid it at all costs.

This movie does indeed stink a lot. However, that DOES NOT mean it isn't worth viewing. It's actually a hilarious romp through Flagstaff, Arizona. First off you have stars like Richard Lynch (Trancers II) and Joe Estevez (Beach Babes From Beyond), these guys are always great in B-movies like this one!

The dialogue is insane and the special effects are ridiculous - is that really supposed to be a werewolf? I think it looks more like a bear that lived on Endor and got beat by a bunch of Ewoks with traffic cones.

Anyhow, the real gem here is the character portrayed by R.C. Bates (Bad Girls) known as "Sam the Keeper". Sam's job is to watch over the house where are main character lives. Not since the movie "Fletch" has the silver screen been graced by a more hilarious watchman.

Sam's is one goofy guy - he looks like Santa Claus/Jerry Garcia dressed up in camo carrying a shotgun "just to keep the flies down". He's a lovable goof and every scene he's in you'll find yourself hitting rewind to hear him deliver his goofy lines over and over. He even calls Count Dracula a faggot - but you don't need to believe him, "cause that's the facts!"

Sam the Keeper makes this movie a must see. Good out and rent it! Invite a couple friends over, order some pizza, and laugh away.

It should be noted that my friends and I thought this movie was so funny that I should have been on MST3K when we first saw it years ago... well, there is a sense of justice out there, because it did end up being on MST3k and boy, that was a good episode.

R.C. Bates forever!!!

Thrill to the harpsichord music in the pool hall scene! Wonder at our heroine's ability to abuse English syntax and pronunciation! Tremble as the "wuur-wilves" grow wispy hair extensions and don animal puppet heads before striking! Shudder from exposure to the looney militant caretaker! Cackle as the greedy and inexplicably violent archaeologist's hair style and color spontaneously change from scene to scene! And don't miss Charlie Sheen's uncle's critical role as an itinerant site-digger.

Let's face it -- the only way to watch this dud is with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew lambasting it. Richard Lynch, ordinarily a good character actor, must have really been hurting financially to allow himself to be seen (and wasted) in this were-dog of a movie. Other favorite parts of mine include the hero turning off a radio, abruptly ending the annoying spooky soundtrack, and (in the MST3K version) Mike and the 'Bots' sing-along variations on the end theme.

In an archeological dig site, the crew unearths skeletal remains that bear a mixture of human and canine characteristics that some on the crew believe to be a skinwalker (werewolf). During a fight instigated by site supervisor Yuri (Jorge Rivero), one of the crew is scratched by the skeleton and soon becomes ill. Eventually the crewman becomes a skinwalker through Yuri's intervention and mysterious inciidents involving beasts begin to plague the surrounding area.

Werewolf is a 1996 direct to video horror film made by Iranian filmmaker Tony Zarrindast. Zarrindast's career spanned all the way back to 1962 when he began directing low budget schlock in his native Iran, but following the Iranian revolution he fled to the United States where he continued to produce exploitation films with his same seal of quality (hence why he's nicknamed the Iranian Ed Wood). Werewolf is one of Zarrindast's more well known films having been showcased on cult movie mocking show Mystery Science Theater 3000 and were it not for its showcase on that show Werewolf might've faded into obscurity like so many other forgotten 90s direct to video genre fare. Given the nature of Tony Zarrindast's filmography, it should surprise no one that Werewolf doesn't work as a horror film as it's a sloppy mess of a movie.

To start off on a positive note, the premise behind Werewolf is intriguing at first. The nature of the werewolf in the film is tied to native American mythology involving skinwalkers (also called "yetiglanchi" according to the movie, but I wasn't able to confirm if this was a real term). The impetus of the skeletal remains of a werewolf still having the power to turn those injured with them into werewolves is an interesting concept on paper but in execution not so much.

The movie per the standards of its director plays very stiff and awkward with shots that go on too long, weird incorporation of animal sound effects that are non-diegetic, stilted deliveries from the actors many of whom seem like English may be their second language, and stiff robotic fight sequences that have the "punching tire" sound effect you may remember from every other 70s Kung Fu flick you've forgotten. Even the werewolf effects which are of paramount importance to any werewolf movie are really inconsistent with the make-up sometimes appearing as vaguely humanoid with fur around the face only to be coupled with insert close-ups that feature a puppet that has a significantly longer snout than the make-up used on the actors. The movie's also filled with confusing editing choices and obvious day for night shots that they don't even attempt to make convincing and I'd be hard pressed to tell you about the motivations of certain characters with action and reason seeing noticeable divergence.

Werewolf is a bad movie, but it's an amusingly bad movie. It has a nugget of a good idea when it comes to unique takes on werewolf lore but aside from that one point in its favor its pretty much everything a werewolf movie shouldn't do done anyway.

I've seen some good werewolf movies in my time. "An American Werewolf in London", "The Wolf Man" and "The Howling" are among my favorites (and, incidentally, some of the better examples of the genre).

And then we get to "Werewolf", which seems to be the cinematic equivalent of a really bad train wreck. Up until I had seen this beauty, "Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf" was the worst movie about lycantropy I had ever witnessed.

Even the synopsis is bad: archaeologists dig up a skeleton of a werewolf and when people get cut on it, they turn into werewolves!

Kids, I won't lie to you...this movie stinks in every conceivable way you could imagine. The actors have so many different accents among them you'd think this was a co-production with the League of Nations. There are about ten (that I noticed) different versions of about, say, four werewolves in the whole movie. The director has absolutely no sense of how to set up a scene - scary, introductory, dramatic, what-have-you (a werewolf transformation gets up-staged by a mural in a bar? Yeah, just what I was thinking).

There are pretty women to ogle at, though. Whether or not they can act is a moot point, I suppose, but they talk about "fussinading" things, scream with what sounds like three voice boxes and type letters while pantsless.

But in the end, this is about as sorry an excuse for a werewolf (or "wahrwilf", or "wherwalf" or whatever) film I've seen in my life. Yep, it's bad; as bad as a truckload of dirty gym clothes. Bad like those ties way back in your closet. Bad like a Pauly Shore retrospective. Bad like getting gyros from an Italian restaurant.

Break out the silver bullets, wolfsbane, crucifixes and everything else for this flick!

No stars for "Werewolf" - the worst werewolf movie ever featuring Joe Estevez.

TIDBIT - victims of lycantropy should NEVER drive.