Killer Barbys

The Legendary Spanish director Jess Franco is known for some fantastic cinema, alas this certainly isn't among them and will be a blotch on his record.

It follows a female fronted rock band as they break down on route to their next gig and get invited into a foreboding looking castle for the night.

Essentially our antagonist is a blatant ripoff of the Countess Elizabeth Báthory with a couple of human minions who help her acquire the blood of the young (Virgins not required in this instance)

Though advertised as a horror this is a very camp attempt and more like a comedy. One character in particular played by Santiago Segura (Blade 1998) is so over the top and so zany any hope of the film being taken seriously went out the window.

The movie has a decent lead and memorable soundtrack though they really should have considered writing more songs and not playing the same one on a loop.

The Good:

Great leading lady

The Bad:

Looks very dated

Not exactly a horror

Soundtrack gets repetitive

Dumbest ending in cinema history? Definite contender

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Before throwing a naked woman out a window to her death it's only polite to put a nightie on her first

Perhaps the worst dubbing in history, this movie features many scenes with characters' lips still moving long after the dubbed track had already spoken. It was very frustrating. On top of that, the entire movie made little sense. It was completely disjointed. The filmmakers tried to weird it up by having a couple of psychotic midgets thrown into the mix, but the result was just pathetic. There are countless scenes where bandmembers (Killer Barbys are a real band) are having sex in a van, and the baddies are hovering around, opening doors, stealing things, placing objects, yet are never even so much as noticed by the lovemakers. There are equally moronic scenes of the baddies chasing after a naked woman in the woods. She looks like she is running in slowmotion and has to keep waiting for her pursuers to catch up. Then there is some subplot involving some ancient vampiress who must drink young blood to regain her youth, yet when she does, she becomes some 65-year old had been! She is supposed to be this beauty who seduces the lead singer, yet she is easily old enough to be his grandmother!

They tried to throw in a few corpses to add to the horror, yet they were so obviously rubber it was ridiculous. One of the henchmen carries one through the castle, and you can repeatedly see him bang it against walls only to have it snap back into shape.

There are A-movie, B-movies, and then there are Killer Barby movies. This one is so bad, it doesn't even deserve a letter from the alphabet. Call it a double-Z.

Jess Franco's "Killer Barbys" is to the band The Killer Barbies what Aki Kaurismäki's "Leningrad Cowboys go to America" was to the Leningrad Cowboys. Both are movies starring an existing band and both are typical products of the directors. Kaurismäki is known for his deadpan black humor presented in films totally weirding you out and "Leningrad Cowboys go to America" is a weird and funny tale of the Leningrad Cowboys going to America. Franco is known for erotic horror movies and "Killer Barbys" is a mix of horny rockers and cannibalists.

But there's more. Kaurismäki made a sequel, "Leningrad Cowboys Meet Moses", an attempt to make the worst movie ever. To a certain degree he succeeds in doing so. Franco's "Killer Barbys" doesn't try to do so, but it's difficult not to see how many horror cliches you can see in this film: at night you hear the sound of wearwolves, it's often twelve o'clock, there's cannibalism, there are some dwarves, most of the rockers constantly want sex, a semi-naked girl is being chased in the woods, there's lot of blood and someone even ends up being crushed. How much gore can you get into one movie?

But movies like "Killer Barbys" and "Leningrad Cowboys" never meant to be original. They are mainly there to let you know the band exists. And if anything they are much more enjoyable than your average rockumentary. And even though Franco made lots of no-budget movies where anyone can see through the special effects, I suspect him here of making the effects as bad as possible (if you can't see that the dead bodies are dummies, you desperately need to get your eyes checked.)

It is true that Franco could have tried harder and that the movie could have been better, but it's common knowledge that Franco's best movies can't be found in the nineties. Most of those movies are even badly acted, so it's very ironic to realise that two rockers act better than Franco's cast of regulars (Lina Romay, Linnea Quigley, ...). "Killer Barbys" is the only decent movie Franco recently made, so if you want to see some of his later work, this is the best choice you can make. As long as you remember it's a Frankenstein experiment of combining gore and rockumentaries.

By the way "Love Killer" is a nice song.

A Spanish punk rock band named ¨Killer Barbys¨-actual name of the punk rock band- has a car accident while on tour. Excited about their next big gig, instead, The Killer Barbies Spanish punk rock band, have to endure a crucial setback when their rusty old van breaks down in the backwoods. Formed by five young people, two couples, Billy (Billy King) and Sharon (Angie Barea), and Rafa (Carlos Subterfuge) and Flavia (Silvia Superstar), as well as Mario (Charlie S. Chaplin). After a performance, they take a deserted road to the next concert venue, but the car falls into a hole and breaks down. With no way to fix it and lost in the middle of nowhere, they are surprised by a sinister man, the butler Arkan (Aldo Sambrell), who invites the group to spend the night in a nearby castle, owned by the mysterious Countess Von Fledermaus. Forced to spend the night at the eerie castle of Countess Von Fledermaus, the musicians soon realize that the mysterious lady's kindness hides macabre, blood-curdling schemes. As the unsuspecting musicians meander through the gloomy wilderness. Now, a centuries-old secret is about to unfold. Once staying in the old castle and while trying to get used to the gloomy atmosphere of the place, the young people are chased by a crazy killer, Baltasar (Santiago Segura), whose goal is to take the blood of the victims and use it to maintain the beauty and youth of the centenarian Countess. Then the unprotected visitors must survive the hours of darkness and the macabre threats of a mysterious contessa (Mariangela Giordano of The Night of Terror, 1981) and his underlings.

A below average film by prolific Jesús Franco, including chills, nudism, sex scenes and lots of blood and gore. This is another low-budget "exploitation" film by director Jesús Franco, with the same messy characteristics already known from his long filmography, with a script, also of his authorship, superficial and full of holes like a cheese and the same old clichés. The scenes with the band playing are very pathetic, as well as the actions of the brainless young people, who deserve to die painfully. In Killer Barbys Franco uses his artisanal trademarks, such as: zooms, nudity, close-ups on objects, making the film in the 'do it yourself' (DIY) style and managing to work extraordinarily quickly with a very low budget. This is a slightly entertaining European horror movie by packing absurd situations and cheesy frames. It's a 1996 movie, but it looks like the same thing Franco did in the 70s. So, what arouses the interest of lovers of crude horror films are the always welcome elements of gothic atmosphere, with the scary castle shrouded in thick fog, the threatening butler, the chases in a ghostly forest, the bloody deaths with mutilated bodies hanging inverted to bleed like pigs slaughtered in slaughterhouses, and the countess who keeps a diabolical secret about her eternal youth. And it is worth highlighting, among the amusing clums, the scene of death by crushing by a steamroller, produced with practical effects and far from the artificiality of computer graphics. Stars the ferocious Silvia Superstar , leader of the punk rock that had a fleeting and passing success in the nineties . The Spanish band "Killer Barbies" exists in reality and was created by vocalist and guitarist Silvia Superstar and drummer Billy King, being invited to participate in Franco's two films. But, to avoid problems with the rights to the Barbie doll brand, the band had the name slightly changed in the films to "Killer Barbys". And accompanied by two B-stars: Aldo Sambrell and Mariangela Giordano who at her 59 provides some erotic scenes, as well as Franco regulars such as: Charlie S. Chaplin, composer Daniel White and Rosa Maria Almirall or Lina Romay as film editor.

The film feature was poorly directed by prolific Spanish filmmaker Jesús Franco or Jess Frank or Uncle Jess. Jess Franco himself directed another lousy sequel in 2002 called Killer Barbys vs Dracula. This was one of director Jess Franco's final productions shot on film stock before he switched to shooting on video in the late '90s to reduce costs. Most people agreed that some of Frank's work was passable, but most were botched films. Jess was a Stakhanovite and restless writer, producer and director who made more than 200 films. His career spanned more than 50 years with some successes and many failures, making all kinds of genres: thrillers, adventures, action and with a penchant for horror and erotica. Jesús used to sign under a pseudonym, among the aliases he used besides Jess Frank or Franco Manera, were the following: Frank Hollman, David Khune, James P. Johnson, David Though, Clifford Brown, among others. He was a prolific filmmaker, directing many terrible films, as well as frequently releasing several titles at the same time. In his early days he soon applied all his knowledge and experience as an assistant director, musician, editor to his debut as a feature film director: We Are 18 Years Old (1959). His Succubus (1968) was nominated for the Berlin Film Festival, and this event gave him international reputation. His career became increasingly consolidated in the following years, and his inexhaustible creativity allowed him to tackle films of all genres, from B-series horror films to pure hardcore sex. However, he made some passable films, such as: ¨The Terrible Dr. Orloff, The Bloody Judge, Count Dracula, 99 Women, The Blood of Fumanchu, Faceless¨ and a few more. And many of them with very strong cuts and double versions. Rating 3.5/10. Inferior and below average exploitation film. Only for Jess Frank completists.

People who say this is the worst Jess franco movie obviously haven't seen too many Jess Franco movies. This has the same liabilities of many Franco flicks--the story is formulaic, the budget is non-existent, the film-making is borderline incompetent, the acting is terrible and the English dubbing is even worse. This movie is basically an extended promo for "the Killer Barbies", a less-talented, Spanish version of The Cramps with a sexy female lead singer, "Sylvia Superstar", who makes Britney Spears appear conservatively dressed by comparison. Fortunately, their music is a lot better than Britney Spears'. Unfortunately, it seems to consist of only two songs that they play over and over again, first in a live concert, then on the tape deck of their Scooby Doo-style tour van, and then non-diegetically on the soundtrack.

After their van breaks down in the remote countryside, the band members take refuge in a creepy old castle (except for one couple who remain in the van to have sex for a ridiculously long time, before getting chased naked through the woods and summarily slaughtered). The surviving Barbies prove pretty tepid heroes actually, but the villains are pretty good--they include long-time character actor Aldo Sambrell, actor/producer Santiago Segura (unknown in America, but a cult figure today in Spain) and two creepy-ass midgets. Most impressive though is the infamous Mariangela Giordano as a Countess Bathory type who needs the blood of. . . well, obviously not virgins, but young people, in order to restore her own youth. Giordano has a very long, blood-soaked, butt-naked nude scene, which is pretty damn impressive considering she was almost 60 at the time! Of course, if you're watching this to "flip one off the wrist" as it were, you might not want to witness an actress a few years shy of collecting a pension in the altogether (no matter how good she still looks), but this kind of polymorphous perversity is what I find most interesting about Franco. Maybe it isn't very sexy, but it's a lot more interesting than watching your usual silicone-enhanced bimbos going through the motions of tediously choreographed softcore sex scenes. Call me crazy.

"Sylvia Superstar" also has brief nude scenes (which is more than you'll get from a Britney Spear's movie and you'll suffer a lot less for the privilege). Ditto with the ridiculously horny female back-up singer (at least before she is regrettably "decapitated" and replaced with what is obviously a headless department store mannequin). The special effects are laughable as usual. This is hardly "the most violent Jess Franco movie" as is claimed in the intro, but it's far from the worst one either