Crash Dive

This movie was by far the worst Techno-thriller type movie I have ever seen, I suffered through the entire movie to see who was the brave soul that allowed his/her name to be attached to the technical adviser's slot and who the continuity director was. Now I know that everyone is not an accuracy nut like I am, but having been in the navy, it would be nice to have the film stay in the ball park. The hardest thing about this film to believe is the fact that of the 90 minutes that it ran, 45 of it was re-hashed from other movies, and the majority of those 45 minutes were from "Crimson Tide." I guess sampling is alive and well in the movie industry as well.

'Crash Dive' goes the way of a great many other B action movies, only this one is worse in many regards. Of course that's what appeals to fans of the genre, and if you look at it that way, it won't disappoint. The special effects, especially the climactic missile destruction have to be seen to be believed. They are so bad you end up laughing at them, ruining any intended entertainment value that the movie has to offer.

The acting is classically bad, not at all aided by a horrible script. Michael Dudikoff is laughable, they producers could've (and should've) hired a bum off the street to play his character, it would've worked out much better. The rest of the cast, made up entirely out of no names, fares no better, and they appear to have so little interest in the story that they showed up for work, and left, still sleeping.

There is one thing that is to be admired in this film is it's ambitions. Never before have I seen a B action movie that actually has any moments of.... sadness, so to speak. 'Crash Dive' does have some of that and, though it miserably fails, it is a refreshing break from the norm. Well maybe not refreshing, but a break all the same.

One of the qualities required in any B movie is unintentional entertainment value. 'Crash Dive' certainly has some of that, but the stretches in between the fits of badness is what is not very enjoyable. There are portions that are unimaginably tedious, and that's the reason I'm not going to recommend the movie, even for fans of Dudikoff, if any exist. Stay away. Stay far, far away.

2.5/10

This non-entity of a movie doesn't deserve a long review, so here are my brief thoughts. You will have seen every single element of this movie done better elsewhere. It is Die Hard and Under Siege on a submarine, yet so much worse than any of the films in either series. It is utterly predictable and totally unmemorable apart from the single worst shootout I have ever seen in a movie. This shootout manages to be completely mesmerising due to the total lack of jeopardy and the catastrophic editing. It is staggeringly poorly done, however, for this hilariously bad sequence I have added an extra star.

A movie to see if you are not in the mood for some heavy thinking. There is plenty of action, the usual amount of dead people, and some pretty decent special effects. The movie is your standard terrorist movie, although it has the twist that these terrorists are working from inside a nuclear submarine. Since large parts of the plot are not too believable, the viewer should watch this in a relaxed state, just to enjoy some adrenaline, and not pay attention to the odd things that sometimes happen (like the guy can swim faster than the sub or a laptop computer that melts like it was made of foam). All in all, enjoyable if you are bored.

Small budget ripoff of Under Siege (minus Erika Eleniak topless) staring Michael Dudikoff and produced/directed by Andrew Stevens.