Bad Channels

'Bad Channels' is one of the worst SF/horror movies ever made. It's so boring and unfunny that you could almost think it was directed by Ted V. Mikels of 'Blood Orgy Of The She-Devils' fame. In fact it was directed by Ted Nicolaou who previously made the useless 'TerrorVision'. Now that was one lame so-called comedy, but this one is even worse. Getting through to the very end was a real chore even with the fast forward on the remote in constant use. The other guy responsible for this crud is Jackson Barr who also scripted 'Trancers 2' (a.k.a. 'Future Cop 2'). Now that wasn't the greatest movie ever made but at least it was entertaining. I don't know what went wrong here but it's really one to miss. Even a soundtrack by Seventies Rock Gods Blue Oyster Cult and some allegedly "clever" parodies of music videos (a generic 80s hair band, a grunge thing, and a sorta Mr. Bungle/Primus one) can't save this utter waste of time. Paul Hipp (an Abel Ferrara semi-regular) leads a mediocre cast, which includes former MTV Veejay Martha Quinn and various other nonentities, in a ridiculous tale of aliens taking over a radio station with the plan of capturing Earth women, shrinking them and placing them in bottles. Why are they doing this? Who knows. Who cares. There is ONE, count 'em, ONE laugh in this whole movie and that is a cameo by b-grade legend Tim Thomerson, and that doesn't even happen until AFTER the final credits. This movie stinks on ice. Avoid at all costs!

Well, you certainly won't expect Citizen Kane renting this movie, but it's mildly entertaining. Martha Quinn really needed to have a better agent, given this and other career killers, but her chemistry with Paul Hipp (Dangerous Dan O'Dare) is enjoyable. The goal of the rest of movie is one thing pure and simply: titillation, and it doesn't accomplish that. The rock video visions, which I'm sure were intended to give a rock-n-roll edge to the movie, simply detracted.

There's a new DJ in the town of Pahoota, shock jock Dangerous Dan O'Dare (Paul Hipp). He's about to bring some rock'n'roll to the former polka channel KDUL Superstation 66.6. A pretty reporter (former MTV VJ Martha Quinn) is covering the story for a TV network when she sees a UFO. Of course, no one believes her. Dan finds out she's telling the truth when an alien that has a head that looks like a blue-black cauliflower with a window set in front, and his robot minion, take over the radio station. The alien has come to Earth to shrink women and place them in bottles using Dan's voice to pick the best-looking female listeners. Each woman the alien wants experiences a rock fantasy, much like a music video, that others can't see. Yes, really.

This admittedly silly Full Moon film is a sci-fi rock'n'roll comedy, and it delivers the goods with pretty girls, great music and some laughs too. No one will call this movie a classic, but it's fun in a "check your brain at the door" sort of way. The music is pretty awesome. There's a heavy metal song (with Ron Keel), a grunge rock song and, my favorite, "Manic Depresso" by Sykotik Sinfoney, a silly song with guys in clown, cow and nun outfits. Yes, really.

The acting is fairly good, although some actors are a bit over the top. Ted Nicolaou's direction is competent, if uninspired. The music score is by the rock band Blue Oyster Cult. Those who normally skip the end credits may want to know that the final joke takes place after the credits. (Of course, you might need to be a Full Moon fan to really appreciate it.) When Cinemax broadcast this movie back in the 1990s, they unfortunately cut out the final scene. A movie titled DOLLMAN VS. THE DEMONIC TOYS is a sequel to DOLLMAN, DEMONIC TOYS and BAD CHANNELS simultaneously. (Actually, this "sequel" changes the ending to BAD CHANNELS, and it's not good at all.) The DVD includes an 11 minute featurette (a condensed version of "Videozone".)

Although this movie is hard to recommend to the average movie lover, I found it to be highly entertaining.

I like Full Moon films, they have a certain charm to them despite on the surface being seven shades of awful. If it weren't for Full Moon we wouldn't have had the Puppet Master franchise, Doll Man, Gingerdead Man, Evil Bong and countless others.

Bad Channels is supposedly part of the Puppet Master universe but I can confidently say I don't see the connection.

It tells the story of a "Shock Jock" who comes into contact with aliens intent on using his radio station equipment to kidnap women............somehow.

Not the most intriguing of plots and truth be told it's execution is even worse. It looks like a Full Moon film with the same plasticcy special effects and that's okay, the general quality of the film however isn't.

It's just so, bad! The characters, the script, the concept, it's like a weird artsy student film and I have to say I think this is likely the worst Full Moon movie sadly.

I'd suggest that anyone beyond the most hardcore Full Moon fan avoid this one, it isn't horror, it isn't comedy, it's just the absolute pits.

The Good:

Full Moon feel

The Bad:

Extended musical segments

Pretty much everything to be honest

Utterly bonkers movie regarding a 'shock jock' at the local radio station finding himself in danger (like the girl who cried fire to get attention then burnt to death) because aliens invade the radio studios and start collecting women (including busty waitress Cookie played by once-upon-a-time Full Moon favourite Charlie Spradling) in conical vases. Ted Nicolaou, a veteran of Full Moon films including some of their best really screws this up with lazy-haphazard and purposeless direction while the script by Charles Band and Jackson Barr (probably not a real person) is certainly among the formers' worst efforts. Tim Thomerson's Dollman character is credited and I was confused how I had missed his cameo but stay tuned until the credits finish for a relatively amusing brief Dollman extra scene. The aliens are ridiculous, one a scale covered monster, another a small tin robot that looks like it was a reject from the acclaimed Smash Potato Mix adverts. Truly rubbish film but intriguing and amusingly painful in equal measures.