Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout

My review was written in May 1990 after watching the program on Cinema Home Video cassette.

A cute satire of exercise videos, this horror-themed tape boasts the luscious Linnea Quigley (before she dropped her last name from her billing) but runs a good gag into the ground.

Opener is a tantalizing shower scene with Linnea, the the tape segues to a 10-minute segment of film clips from her B-picture videos like "Creepozoids" and "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama", mostly made by the show's executive producer David DeCoteau.

Quigley leads the viewer in various stretching and aerobic exercises, but the gimmick is that monsters or slashers attack, cueing interesting makeup effects. Unfortunately, the tedium of the exercise routines is retained along with the satire.

One imaginative segment has her out jogging, pursued by a horde of zombies who rise up out of a cemetery. When they get her cornered by a swimming pool, Linnea yells "You're a mess!" and leads them in comical exercise routines.

Another highlight is a slumber party with pretty young starlets joining the star in aerobics and watching tv. Identity of the maniacal slasher wearing a Ronald Reagan mask is easy to guess.

Show ends with outtakes. Shot of a clapperboard reveal the pseudonymous director as Kenneth J. Hall, helmer of the horror video "Evil Spawn".

I may be a bit biased on this one because I have an autographed copy of the video...

This video is great fun though. I like to pop it in at a party or when the guys are over..it's good, fun, mindless entertainment.

I work out my eyes regularly to this video.

There are some great clips of Linnea's movies as well as cheesy humor and a few exercise sessions.

The opening shower scene is funny as well as hot. It's a great way to start of this video which finishes off funny, with outtakes and goofs.

Not for everyone, but a good party tape.

It's technically a workout video, but there's no actual instruction. The performers flail around on screen in often seemingly-random ways that are impossible to follow, made even worse by the cinematography and constant cuts.

It's technically a horror video, but it's not frightening at all. The horror creatures are played entirely for comic relief.

It's technically a comedy, but every single attempt at humor is painfully stupid and unfunny.

It's technically a softcore erotic video, but the gyrations of scantily-clad women are far too awkward to be sexy in any way.

So unless this is a masterpiece of experimental filmmaking where I'm missing all of the nuance and subtle philosophy, this amounts to an utterly worthless waste of time.

After taking a quick shower, the actress presents us with the challenges of her profession and what it means to stay in top shape for the occasion, eventually finding her activities interrupted by a horde of zombies and a masked killer targeting her friends that threaten to put an end to her fitness quest.

This is an incredibly fun and enjoyable cheesy genre outing. The initial setup here of her doing the routine of what made her famous in the genre before starting the main gist of the film itself by going through the clips from her films that show the purpose for everything to take place and then turning into her dance routine of stretching and cheeseball come-ons makes this start quite fun. The knowing winks and nods about what's going on, even down to the attire or the way the camera keeps moving in for better shots of certain parts of her anatomy, help to complete a solid sleazy atmosphere even with a hint of class to the project knowingly making these sorts of remarks that help to bring about a knowing tongue-in-cheek approach to everything. The second half involving the arrival of the zombies and her encounters there continue the same spirit of things as we get to see the requisite lighthearted chasing and running around before getting to the outright enjoyable exercise routine. This gets the absurd visual of her leading them through a full-scale regiment that includes enough nods to genre convention and hysterically funny concepts for how she's able to deal with them that it manages to keep the same sense of style and approach that the first half carried. The slumber party section is a chance to go for a slasher route that comes off rather well with the returning montage of clips and exercising before leading into some decent chasing for a change of pace and some gore, leaving everything fun enough and cheesy to be quite enjoyable.

Rated Unrated/R: Nudity, Language, and Violence.

Being a fan of Linnea Quigley this was something i needed to see. The 'movie' starts off with Linnea talking about her career and how strange some of her movie choices. then she gets into some stretches. she wearing a studded bra and fish nets. so you know its all about the workout. there's three workout scenes that are tied together with some wrap around stories of her getting hit on by some repulsive caller who Linnea wants to call her later. Or going out for a nice jog to get stalked by a hoard of zombies, which they end up having a pool side workout, which is really funny. then the slumber party workout, with scantily clad women doing very pervocative poses which is all meant for one reason. then you get the great twist at the end.

if you want to throw this on have a few good laughs and watch Linnea dance around id throw it in.