Robot Wars

There are only 2 robots and no wars. When MST3K chooses you to review, then you are among the worst movies ever made. The writing, dialogue, and acting are terrible. This is a Robot Jox wannabe, without the stakes or somewhat relatable characters.

Lightly entertaining but instantly forgettable follow-up to the earlier movie "Robot Jox". The story has to do with rebels dubbed "Centros" who are a threat to survivors of some sort of apocalypse. In this setting, guys like Drake (Don Michael Paul) function as pilots of enormous robot spiders that both transport passengers and can be used as battle vehicles. Drake meets crusading archaeologist Leda (Barbara Crampton), and although they get off on the wrong foot, it seems that romance will be in the air. Soon Drake's going to have his hands full battling a megalomaniac named Wa-Lee (Danny Kamekona).

Veteran film director Albert Band ("I Bury the Living") took the reigns of this one for his son, Full Moon head honcho Charles Band. While "Robot Wars" manages to be amusing to a minor degree, it's of no real distinction. It's very much a good thing that it runs a trim 72 minutes long. The cast selected is interesting: Paul (writer / director of "Half Past Dead") is a good looking but fairly bland hero, but Crampton of "Re-Animator" fame is spunky and sincere, and Peter Haskell ("Child's Play" 2 and 3) is a hoot as your standard issue greedy corporate creep. It's also amusing to see the two villains from "The Karate Kid Part II", Kamekona and Yuji Okumoto, acting together. James Staley ("Sweet Dreams") supplies the comedy relief, and Ms. Crampton and Lisa Rinna ('Melrose Place') supply the eye candy.

The two most successful elements here are typically excellent David Allen effects, and a soaring music score by David Arkenstone.

This may be passable enough for B movie junkies, just so long as they don't expect too much going in.

Five out of 10.

First off (let me get this out of the way) this movie should be called robot war.... as in singular, not robot wars plural because during the entire course of this flick there's literally only one single battle between robots. The rest is ham handed acting, clunking dialogue, and a paint-by-numbers plot involving evil corporations, plucky reporters, hotshot pilots, and the extraneous character who only exists to turncoat. It of course recall an only slightly more well known movie robot jox from 1989, though some of the general look about thing seems to point to starship troopers 1997. Either of those movie is substantially better than this. Don't waste your time. 2/10.

If you liked Robot Jox for the sensational acting and amazing special effects, you're gonna love Robot Wars. Set once again in the post-apocalyptic future, our heroes are the pilots of the giant machines which defend the ill-defined border from nebulous enemies. Add in some female journalists riding hard on the trail of a nefarious secret, and some generic asian bad guys and you get what you came for: BIG ROBOT ACTION Robot Cheese at its best (or worst) Also see: Robot Jox, Crash and Burn

This barely one hour long movie contains a lot of innovative ideas, such as a gigantic passenger-carrying robotic spider. Creative camera work in the passenger compartment of the spider really conveys a feeling of motion. The music is another pleasant surprise, as these types of films often lack considerably in that area. Considering the budget, which was slim, it should be considered an impressive production on the whole. The dialog is the weak spot, lacking the humour of its predecessor Robot Jox. Most of the acting is somewhat lame, partly due to the lack of dramatic build-ups. (Actually, creating drama seems to be a problem in general for the imaginative director Albert Band). The special effects are good, but in the spirit of the eighties. I think David Allen, who made them, is a genius, able to create satisfactory effects from virtually no budget. Anyway, this film is well worth a look for true sci-fi freaks. Only.